I snapped

When you read one too many mummy blogs, there always seems to be a moment of epiphany, when a mum stops doing something or changes her way of doing something after a wake-up call. Well, mine happened this morning.

ZK was at the dining table waiting for his cereals. I put his water bottle on the table and he started whining that he didn't want it. Nvm if he didn't want to drink, I told him I'd just leave it there. But his whines started to escalate. I didn't want him to wake Sito and ZY so I snapped.

Ok, ok, just shut up!

He did. But after I put the bottle on the sofa, I turned around to see him looking at me, with a look of bewilderment bordering on fear. I felt so bad. I went to sit next to him as his cereals arrived. He let a little whine escape his lips and wiped his eyes - I think some tears had built up but not enough to make a cry. I felt so bad! And I'm feeling horrid as I write this.

I think he didn't understand why he was being shouted at. He just didn't want his bottle. He didn't do anything! He didn't realise his whines. He's only a toddler barely out of babyhood. But I, I didn't understand that he didn't know he was whining, he didn't know I don't like him to whine, he didn't understand a thing about disturbing those still asleep. (Plus, so what if they woke?) And I'm his mama.

I am reminded once again that I need to be more patient with him. I need to find a chance to explain to him that he should not whine when he can speak properly. Usually, talking to him ahead of time can help avert melt-downs, which I've clearly demonstrated can happen to either mama or baby, or worse, both.

So I sat with him and had breakfast together. I sayang-ed his little head as he quietly fed himself while playing with his trucks. Then I told him I was sorry for shouting at him and scaring him. He looked at me for a second, and handed me his spoon. Sure, I'd feed you, my baby. You're after all forever my baby.

Update at 10.30 pm

Told Sito about it. He said ZK would forget. But I still remember I was so hurt when a beloved cousin scolded me one day - I must be in pre-school age then. Sito said girls remember, boys don't. "Don't worry, haha!"

Indeed, I will remember this incident even though ZK may not..