Major decision

Back in 2019, we decided that I should quit for my personal well-being. I ended up being convinced to do part-time instead. I applied for part-time for one year - the max but I could renew it for up to a total of three years of part-time. After a few months, I couldn't see myself going back to full-time work anymore. So the plan was to do this for three years and say bye bye. By then, Yu would be going to primary school so I really shouldn't be going back to full-time.

But things changed along the way. 

My entire team changed. My new manager and new executive were way less experienced and familiar with our work, so I ended up clearing a lot of work over WhatsApp during off hours since the start of 2021. 

Sito also got posted to KL. He went there only once so far coz the COVID situation didn't allow him to stay long or return. KL is near so there is no intention for us to relocate with him, even without COVID. 

Can't remember now but one or both of the above could be why we wanted to bring forward my exit plans to March or April 2022.

Then the last straw - the helper. No way I would renew her. I found on MOM website that I could extend her for up to two months without renewing her. So I would do that and have her gone by the time I quit after getting year end bonus.

But I have too many days of leave. After discussing with HR a couple of months ago, I decided to take NPL instead of quitting out right. That way, I would get performance bonus for this year too, woohoo!

I also decided to revert to full-time work after this year of part-time expires in November. Make it easier to count leave as I must clear all my leave before NPL. So I would be working no more than half time from 1 Dec, and my last physical day of work should be 7 Jan, which is a full day as I need to go back to office to clear stuff and go to HQ to return laptop. Then it's leave all the way until end Feb.

My new DD discussed with me about returning - so soon!! Haha! HR said I would get a year after the two years to find a posting. If I don't find one, I would need to quit. To be honest, I really don't see myself going back to full-time work. At my grade, it would probably be difficult to get a part-time position that works. I'd rather be with the kids when they're back from school, as in totally present. 

As it stands, even though I'm technically working part-time now, work is omnipresent, no thanks to WhatsApp. I'm often clearing work over WhatsApp in the afternoon with the kids around. Work doesn't stop at night too - I often dream about work. I had formed a full submission in a dream, thought of how to work out projections in another, and there was a recent one where I had to consider issues in three ways and arrived at a decision. Couldn't rest even in sleep!

Thinking about it now, I realise that I'm more like a part-time mother. I don't need to worry about the kids when they're in school and I'm working. But when they're home, I can't be with them fully coz there's always work stuff to be cleared via WhatsApp.

When I was working full-time, I was with them fully when I was with them, coz it was only three hours over dinner and bedtime, and of course, coz I logged on after that. Now that I'm working part-time, I don't log on again but instead, I feel compelled to clear work outside my working hours. 

It sucks. I enjoy my work - the nature, the industry, the impact, and even the spreadsheets. But it really, really sucks to have work eat into family time. 

It was not difficult to make this decision when I look at the kids. But when I look at Sito, it's different. He works such long hours. While some people see their family more coz of WFH, this is not true for him. We're lucky if he manages the rare dinner during our usual time. Usually, he doesn't end work until past 9 pm. Latest I saw him climb into bed was past 4 am :(

Friday, 2 July at dinner, I asked him if he felt stressed that I wouldn't have an income next year. He said no. That was a relief.

Then being the worrier that I am, I wonder what it would be like to lose financial independence. So I started to do some research on things I could do. Also asked fellow mum of three boys, RI, what she did when she was a SAHM. Maybe more on that next time...

I have started making plans for next year so that I can focus on the kids when they're home and keep the house in order when they're in school. The current task list for helper has been modified; I have collected recipes and tips for dinner to reduce active time spent in the kitchen when they're home; it is also time to revisit some learning projects I started a year ago to teach them non-academic stuff. And with Kai's first exams looming, I've also started collecting tips to help him revise. The tiger mum is rearing her ugly head!

Still, I think I will miss this desk of mine...