If I were an educator...

Sito met some friends for dinner recently some weeks ago. One topic came up - education. Two of us had a brief discussion over breakfast. I want to put down some thoughts here.

Two ideas:

1) Dedicated form teachers

Why:

Two reasons - (a) reducing admin of teaching staff for the staff's benefit, and (b) having a main teacher who truly knows the form kids for the kids' benefit:

a) This started off from the topic of flexi-adjunct teachers. The work scope is to be agreed upon between the school and the teacher. So the teacher could effectively just teach, no CCA etc. And they're apparently free to teach tuition unlike MOE teachers. 

That sounds a lot more attractive than to be a regular MOE teacher with all the admin, CCA and committee work (e.g. organise children's day cele) on top of teaching responsibilities.

Over the years, we've heard of teaching staff being burdened by admin. The recent findings from the OECD Teaching and Learning International Survey showed that full-time teachers in Singapore spent four hours a week on admin work, above the OECD average of three hours. 

I don't know what this admin work entails but I think there is bound to be some amount of admin no matter what. I thought things should be much better these days with the PG app. Perhaps the admin pertains more to the lower primary kids and even Sec 1 kids coz new to school, new to a lot of things?

Actually, as I write, I think this dedicated form teachers idea is more for the kids' benefit, haha! Ok, I move on...

b) During my school years, the form teachers taught the whole class at least one subject, spent a lot of time with us be it teaching in the classroom or taking attendance at the assembly area. Think we also had this thing called contact time or something.

Now? 

Let me consider this in the primary school context, as I'm more familiar with this level. 

Kai had three form teachers in P5-6, and only one of them taught him. The other two taught the GEP kids in his form class - his was a mixed form class comprising mainstream and GEP kids who are in different classes for English, Maths and Science. So none of three form teachers knew all kids equally well. After they changed the format from parents-teachers meeting to parent-child-teachers-conference involving only the form teachers, we couldn't really get much out of the session. 

Oh, and now with subject-based banding in secondary schools, Kai's form class has G1-3 kids so the form teachers do not teach all the kids unless they teach DnT, FCE, music, art or PE.

Back to primary school. Yang is in a mainstream class (i.e. no GEP kids) and Yu is still in lower primary, but it's a 50-50 chance that their form teachers teach them in any subject at all coz students are split into groups for the four academic subjects. Based on what the kids told me and parent chat groups, there are usually two groups - one regular and one for those who need more help. For Chinese, I have seen four different spelling lists so could be four groups - foundation (from P5 onwards), 核心班，深广班 and higher Chinese. 

I don't know if they split the 核心班 into regular and those who need more help... But I know that for any subject, those who need a lot more help would be offered remedial after school - I asked for English remedial for Yang and was told it was to help those scoring below 40% 😱

The kids then take all the non-examinable subjects together as a class, with the exception of Character and Citizenship Education (CCE) which is taught in mother tongue languages. 

So if the form teacher teaches non-examinable subjects, lucky for the kids coz the main teacher actually teaches them and has more time to know them. Otherwise, it's as good as having no form teachers.

Idea:

Since form teachers already may not teach their form kids, why not have a dedicated form teacher for each class, supported by a subject-form teacher? This would be similar to P1 and P2, where the form teachers teach all the kids and know them very well.

There are already designated slots for Form Teacher Guidance Period (FTGP) and Programme for Active Learning (PAL) in the timetable, currently taken by the form teachers. A dedicated form teacher can also take on some subjects common to all students, e.g. Social Studies and even PE - see my next point far below. Music and art may be challenging... But well, see below too..

Further, academic teachers need to complete the curriculum. The form teachers can devote more time to psychological and social wellbeing, and be the kids' cheerleaders in school. They work at a manageable ratio of 1:30-40, compared to the one or two school counsellors who cannot possibly be everywhere. Students are probably more familiar with their form teachers too. Of course, serious cases will still need to be referred to counsellors.

Ultimately, the aim is to have someone who is the main point of contact for the kids, who know everything about them be it academic or otherwise, who will find out more about them from other subject teachers, who will liaise with parents and the community when necessary. The dedicated form can follow their classes as they progress through the school, like how the kids don't change classes from P1 to P2 and from P5 to P6. As such, they become sort of a surrogate parent in school, which could be very beneficial for the kids. 

While this would require significant additional manpower resources, such resources may be quite different from the usual teaching requirements which require a degree in maths to teach it, for instance. I would argue that this may not require a degree but someone with the heart to guide young people.

2) Review teaching for non-academic subjects

Apparently, it is difficult to hire teachers for certain subjects like music, art and PE. Even the languages - not just mother tongue but also English. 

Ok, put the languages aside - maybe I'll talk about them another day coz I sometimes imagine myself a Chinese teacher, haha!

I took a look at Kai's timetable, which is in a document with the timetables for all classes. There are as many PE teachers as there are classes per level but only about three each for music and art. I think it's coz there are more periods of PE per week vs. the other two subjects. It's similar for the primary school kids based on the teacher list online.

Now, music, art and PE require some technical knowledge. Not everyone can teach them properly - and safely too when it comes to PE. So they are not easily replaced. But truth be told, apart from the handful of MEP/AEP kids and those taking lessons outside school*, how well can we expect kids to do in the aesthetics? 

* Somehow, many kids learn piano in Singapore... How many truly enjoy it? Yang tried a few months and stopped coz not interested anymore.

Look at me - love to sing, yes, but can't read notes or play any instrument. Yup, not even the recorder that we were made to play in school. And don't talk about my art.

Kai had a music WA last term which required him to write notes and play a tune on a digital keyboard. He has probably forgot all about it right after that. 

For the aesthetics, I think it is more important to expose the kids and teach appreciation. There are many music and art enrichment schools out there. Why not outsource the aesthetics? I can't find the info but I believe swimming lessons for primary school kids are already outsourced, with the PE teacher present during the lesson. My kids have their swimming lesson in school but I once saw a lesson at Delta Swimming Complex where parent volunteers were present to help the teachers with the kids.

If swimming can be outsourced, so can entire PE lessons. And PE lessons can take a different form - besides the usual physical training to prepare for NAPFA tests, students can be brought to different sports facilities for exposure to different games. Schools cannot all be equipped with squash courts or gym, for instance, and the many well equipped Active SG sports complex will be even better utilised throughout the day.

MOE can still retain curriculum control. The dedicated form teachers can be the school reps present in outsourced classes to be responsible for the kids and external coaches. 

Granted, outsourcing would be extra work for school admin - tender or framework agreement under MOE! But if hiring is a perennial challenge, this is a possible solution. More importantly, back to the first idea, it gives the dedicated form teachers more time with their charges, and be more involved in their school life.

That's all, folks!

花好月圆

When we first moved back to HV, the first CC event we attended was Mid Autumn Festival celebrations. We skipped it last year as it was too close to PSLE and we wanted to avoid crowded places. This year, we're back!

Just saw that the 2023 event cost $2 per person. This time, it was free and at the CC hall, i.e. with aircon. There were fewer games and kiddy food. In fact, it seemed more targeted at the elderly as the singalong was full of old songs! But we had fun anyway :)

We were early and were among the first at the Chinese calligraphy booth. I thought we could write but no, they had professionals writing names and blessings. Ah well. Each kid had their own name in gold on red paper.

Sat down for performances while waiting for the gold ink to dry. The sand art was very good! I was eating a hotdog bun so wasn't fast enough to take a picture of a nice Chang E scene.

We were seated quite in front. Emcee called out Yang for a handsome boy and Kai for a tall boy but neither kid would stand - so shy! But they were not shy at the quiz segment - all wanted prizes! Yang didn't get picked to answer though..

Kai won a 大白兔奶糖 metal mug

Yu won a reusable bag - I took it :p

Good to expose them to CC events and to facing a big group to answer questions. Don't be too shy :)

There was a singalong session and the emcee went around the audience with a microphone. I sang a bit of "Fly Me to the Moon" and Yang said it was soooo embarrassing! Hahahaha! 

When they were playing 城里的月光，I was reminded of that time in JC (1 or 2?) when we performed this song at a Mid Autumn Festival celebrations. Probably a CLDDS thing. I sang a bit into my phone and sent to Na who was in the performing group, but she didn't remember, haha!

Stilt walkers!

This one was giving out candies. Another one was giving out plushies! I refused to get plushies but Yang and Yu decided to ask for one themselves! Sighs, more dustmite pillows...

Ok, the rabbit mascot looks a bit freaky... Too thin!

Mascot was giving out 大白兔奶糖 so the kids finally saw the rice paper that could be eaten. But Yang didn't have his.

We went for a hotstamping activity just before leaving and oh my, it took a long time! Quite interesting though to see how the kids took part. Kai was more hands off and let the volunteers help. Yang did almost everything himself. Yu was interested to do but looked a bit blur :p Sito and I were like Kai coz we were holding all the random things.

Finally ready to go!

Actually Kai was very tired by then. He went to bed right after showering.

But he was ok to take a little trip to the playground for a photo in the dark

So that was last Saturday. The actual festival fell on Monday, when I realised I forgot to bring out sparklers - bought them years back but didn't finish using...

Anyway, I made mooncakes again! I was rather undecided as the few tries last year yielded skin that turned hard quickly. But I was persuaded by Redman to get yam paste so I had to use it...

It turned out wonderful!!!

The trick is to steam the dough rather than microwave it. Yes, I did a shortcut last year coz the stovetop steamer was a bother. But this year, I have a cute little electric steamer that I use fairly regularly!

Gosh, it was so soft and remained soft in the fridge. We even put a bit to freeze and thaw it to try - soft! That's it. 

And the yam paste made it easy to wrap as it didn't melt like ganache. Sito and I discussed a few ways to make different mooncakes. Maybe can try :) Just hope my mould lives longer - the spring mechanism is all rusty after just one year in storage...

Snowskin mooncake - flower print coz 花好月圆 - with glutinous rice tea

That was my fourth yesterday, oops... And it was quite soon after a hotpot dinner coz I was inspired by the big round moon when I sat down in the living room after a shower...

It's a new ritual for us - hotpot on this day. 因为月圆人团圆 :) Hope the kids will find it fun to attend such celebrations and enjoy the hotpot, and eventually grow to appreciate the festival as (another) one to celebrate with family :)

Hungry little boy

From mid August or perhaps earlier, Yang became a hungry little caterpillar boy.

At first, he was hungry at bedtime but decided to go to bed anyway as he had brushed his teeth. But from mid August, he finally decided that he had to eat.

Peanut butter sandwich and milk for supper

Other options are Weetabix, Swiss roll slices and muffins, depending on availability. Once, he had dinner, followed immediately by a muffin and a peanut butter sandwich! And at bedtime, he had a slice of Swiss roll!

Really as if he was going to become a pupa...

I remember Kai eating a lot in P5 as well but it was just three to five (!) packets of three lemon biscuits during tea time. Yang also has two packets of three Oreo biscuits during tea time so he is eating substantially more.

Let's look at growth - 21 June to 1 September:

• Kai: 170cm / 50kg to 171cm / 54.5kg
• Yang: 151cm / 40kg to 153cm / 44.9kg
• Yu: 134cm / 31kg to 135cm / 33.7kg

All of them put on 3-5kg in about two months. Yang put on the most weight. I can’t see where it goes on Kai - perhaps the height. But Yang is visibly meatier despite also growing 1cm. Yu put on weight but not height so Sito said he put on marks instead haha!

So, Yang, when will you become a butterfly? :)

The fun before exam stress

I had wanted to write about the term break but found a lot more photos that hadn't been posted so, let's start from after National Day...

Sito learnt that our fave Japanese BBQ restaurant was closing down by end August so we made a trip there. It happened to be a PSLE oral exam day so Yang and Yu had no school. Kai joined us there directly from school. We had a great time there! 

Thanks for the memories, Kintan!

Our induction hob broke down in August. It started one Friday morning in July, when it suddenly couldn't detect my stainless steel pot I was using for barley water. Called for servicing but cancelled it coz I managed to get it to work. Then this happened on and off. I had to bring out our portable hob for hotpot to cook. Eventually, I could no longer get it to work :(

Called for servicing again. Uncle changed the circuit board for a whooping $390, and told us to keep the shelf below open to better dissipate heat and use pans with flat AND even bottoms, not those with circles. So that Saturday, we made a trip to Ikea to shop for new pans. But we're still using some of our old pans coz there are just no alternatives with even bottoms! I really cannot live without my four-hole egg pan...

We had been talking about going to Ikea at Alexander for some time but never got down to it. Finally, we packed our bags and set off! It was a nice walk to Ikea. Yes, we took the rail corridor and walked all the way!

Kai happened to walk alongside me and we had a good chat about school, his feelings towards school, our thoughts after PSLE results and after we saw how he's thriving in secondary school. It had been a long time since we had such a nice chat :)

We left the rail corridor to take a shorter route along the road to Ikea. The kids saw a black bag at the foot of an overhead bridge and said we should report it! I must say national education in school works. Ads also works btw - they keep telling us about random products haha! Anyway, I reported it on the SG Secure app 👍

The kids enjoyed Ikea as usual. We had an early dinner and walked through all the showrooms. The kids just liked to try everything! Also bumped into Kai's classmate. 

But the lower floor was harder coz no showrooms. We told the kids to stay in a safe spot and play games on Kai's phone. So Sito and I walked on and picked up our shopping. Then I texted Kai to follow the arrows to the next section, where they played games again while we shopped! This happened a few times until we got to the cashier.

Wanted to take a picture of them playing games - squatting! But no chance

Recently they started playing LEGO beyblades again. Made a mess whenever they wanted to "upgrade" their beyblades. Worse, we found broken grout! This contractor already did a lousy job with the grout. So what did not happened back in the old house after months of beyblade, happened here after just days. I must be zen.... Already extracted a promise from them to dismantle once they got Yu's birthday present from the grands - actual beyblades.

Cannot mop!

One day, Yang came home after tuition to say that he wanted to try the coffeeshop near the centre coz it smelled so good when he passed by! And so we went one day.

It was indeed very good! We were spoilt for choice but the boys had the same old - pork cutlet fried rice for Kai and char siew noodles for the brothers. Sito had the JB fried beehoon and I had duck noodles. And I added Indian rojak which was the cheapest I'd ever had!

Nowadays they get to use Kai's phone after dinner outside

Ah, term break coming... But first, Teachers' Day! Kai wrote a google review for his tuition centre 🤔 Yu decided to write cards. I gave him some coloured cards and stickers, and he did a great job making cards for all his teachers! Yang had some "diamonds" in his school locker which he gave his teachers.

Adding the finishing touches

My hub is very funny. He gets lots of food info from his social media feeds. And this time, it was a free burger from Macs. So he went to get it. The boys were very excited to see a burger for afternoon snack! But each had only a quarter, haha! I had some of Sito's - quite yummy! But Yang thought it was spicy...

Let's try a new burger!

On Teachers' Day itself, we met JY and family at Paradise Hotpot at Vivocity! We were the first in the reservations queue, yeah! We went earlier coz we didn't know the exact spot and 10 of us booked three tables - for five, four and one - as there wasn't another table for five. But the staff arranged it for us :)

Fat face in foreground :p

We decided to bring a term break activity forward since we were very near the destination - cycling at West Coast Park! But we passed by the library and the younger ones wanted to go in for a while.

Chinese Dog Man!

Took a train then a bus

Yu can finally ride a bike!

We had been working with Yang on his oral exams in the past week. He shared personal stories during the practices. I overheard "journey of brothers" when he was doing English with Sito. When I asked Sito, he said Kai coined the term when the three of them went cycling further away from us that day. So cute!!

The brothers

Decided to let them wear dark colours when going to AhMa's place coz they tend to drip ice cream on themselves there! All not focusing coz eyes on TV, body slouching etc.

There happened to be a bedsheets day during the term break. Instead of changing it, I decided to get them to change their own bedsheets. But I cut down the work - didn't wipe windows or desks that day, or even the bed frame. Just changed the bedsheets and pushed back the bed. 

These two happily brought their toys to the wash

Kai still has his toys in the cupboard so I don't wash much. He said they're for decoration. I read it as "cannot throw" :p

Last Saturday, we went to Swensen's - yes, again. Sito and I went again on Wednesday to redeem a free main course. We also have free buffet for two which we will redeem after all the exams.

Anyway, we spent enough to get a chance at a human claw machine! One chance so Sito went in. Told him not to grab any soft toys :p So he got chips and vouchers.

Looks like Super Mario!

Also got four tokens for the real claw machines. Kai asked about the chance of grabbing a toy. I gave a random 0.1%. It's really very low! Then he googled some and picked a machine, and voila!

"It's brains!"

The term break ended with the National Inter-school Team Chess Championship. Don't know how that's abbreviated to NST but anyway... Kai put his name down some months ago to form a team with some schoolmates. A parent registered for them. The team (and maybe more) met on Tuesday during the term break to discuss their games. 

Kai played board 2 and scored 4.5/6. The team won some and lost some. But we thought they did pretty well. It was a good experience. Think they're already talking about getting more in next year, as two team mates are sec 2 and wouldn't be playing with them in U14 category.

My not-so-little knight

While Sito was with Kai at Pasir Ris for the chess tournament, I was at Ah Yee's place with the brothers. They just hung out with JiuJiu before lunch. I promised them if they behaved well including eating well, I would let them play their phones after lunch. And so they were occupied while I chatted with relatives.

They ran ahead to the playground as I was packing up. But the playground was quiet... Then I saw Yang waving at me from beyond the playground - they were playing giant chess! Apparently the pieces were quite heavy. I stood there for 20min while they played - so tired coz I was carrying a lot of food! But ok la, they were very pleased :)

Yang won but both were happy :)

And with that, we're in term 4 now. Kai had listening compre and Chinese oral this week, and Yang English and Chinese oral. Kai's written exams will start next week. The brothers will have their starting the week after Kai has his last paper. And then there will be a short break before the primary school written exams, by when Kai would have started his term break.

Very short term. A lot to do. All the best to us all!

A different Legoland trip

So the cars we hired to Legoland all this while were illegal!!! 😱😱😱

Never knew coz so many websites offer such a service, and our usual drivers always showed a document to ICA officers on our way back.

I was very sad when I saw the news in July, and was only somewhat comforted that this happened only after our June trip.

What other options do we have now? 

1) Pure public transport

• Take train to Jurong East
• Ride a CW bus to Tuas link
• After JB immigrations, change to CW7L for Legoland
• Walk to AirBnB
• Repeat coming back

Total cost ~ $5 + $20 + $20 + $5 = $50 two-way

Duration ~ 30min + 1.5h = 2h one way

Way cheaper but troublesome. This had always been an option but we had not considered this in our past trips coz it's just too much work to lug a suitcase, two backpacks and three kids. Just put here for comparison.

2) Cross-border taxis - the legal type

• Book local cross-border taxis to pick us up from home, drop off at Larkin in JB. I found very little info online - Strides has only four-seaters which can take five of us but not enough seatbelts! It would also be a squeeze to put Yu on my lap now...  But main thing is the seatbelts... Having experienced scary taxi drivers, I prefer seatbelts for everyone. So need two taxis.
• Get Grab six-seater to Legoland. 

Total cost ~ $80x2x2 + $30x2 = $380 two-way

Duration ~ 1h + 30min = 1h 30min one way

I explored taking a Malaysian taxi at Ban Ban St to drop us off at the AirBnB directly but (a) that would require us to lug a suitcase to town, and (b) I don't know if I can just pick a Malaysian taxi if the first taxi in line is a local one; some more, probably need two taxis...

Actually, I don't get the cross-border taxis. They are not door-to-door so need to make a local transfer for every ride. Besides the restricted pick-up/drop-off points, the key issue is the size. Four-seaters don't fully serve the needs of larger families, families with young children (I used to bring portable car seats and stroller along on top of suitcase), families with mobility challenges. 

And local transfers. I had thought Grab in Malaysia would be cheaper but ytd, it cost S$30 for us to Grab from CIQ to Legoland and similarly back due to surge pricing! In that case, it doesn't matter where we do the local transfer. 

If we take this route, would need to check the taxis at Larkin - easy to get Singapore taxis? If not, for the return trip, I'd call for Malaysian taxi to pick us up at the AirBnB, drop off at Ban Ban and cab home.

Troublesome too.

3) Partially illegal...!

I checked in with my usual driver contact. Suffice to say they're very gung-ho... He suggested that if we're concerned, we could find our way to JB ourselves and take their door-to-door home. Hmmm... Now with the news all over the place, I cannot claim ignorance hoho!

Driving is not an option for us so it looks like we can do only day trips for now.. Just that the kids prefer an extended stay, and we can't go to the water park on a day trip coz too many things to bring and lug around. 

But day trips are better than no trips, my boys!

And so that was what we did ytd - left home at 8 am, reached CIQ before 10 am, but had to get to a Grab pickup point, and the ride cost S$30 thanks to surge pricing! These cars were just nearby - our ride arrived within a minute...

Kai brought his phone to play along the way

At the playground with memories of potty accidents...

All my loved ones here :)

Made Kai sit up straight and Yu had to strain laugh 😂

On 1 September, my boys measured as follows:

• Kai: 171cm / 54.5kg
• Yang: 153cm / 44.9kg
• Yu: 135cm / 33.7kg

So Yu is a good 40cm shorter. Sometimes when they play, Kai would carry Yu or let Yu sit on him. Sweet to see but it's very scary to see a kid carry a kid precariously!

Yu finally rode the VR roller coaster!

Not a good shot as I screenshot it from a video. Yu said he pretended to be dead coz it was so scary haha!

There's a new Singapore miniland. Thought we could refresh our family shot on Sito's phone lock screen but I didn't bring my tripod stand.

Just the boys then :)

Yang took this photo - well taken, my boy!

It started drizzling during our lunch at Jubilee Nanyang Coffee. But we still managed to take a few rides. Then it suddenly started pouring while the kids were in a sheltered playground. That was our cue to go. But of course must go via Sea Life as they needed to "paint it black" - they filled the colouring room with black fish 😭

It continued to pour so the Grab ride back to the CIQ area remained high. Another S$30. We had wanted to wait it out since it was still early but when the younger boys learnt the cost and were willing to wait despite being bored, Sito decided that the lesson had been learnt and paid the school fees :p Btw, car also arrived within a minute. So many cars, still so ex.

Kai not bored coz phone

Boys were hungry enough so we went for dinner first. Yang has often been hungry these days. At lunch, he had pasta, two half boiled eggs and half portion of kaya butter toast. At dinner, he had two tamago sushi, two unagi sushi (achievement unlocked!) and six tamago maki on top of beef udon. Think he also had some karaage. Kai can always eat. So can Yu though he overdid it again and was still feeling full at lunch today!

Boy with ebi tempura ate too much - again

Did some shopping too, starting with the supermarket at Medini Mall - must always get them candy. So Sito and I got ourselves some chocolate :) Got some buns for breakfast today, and Ming Ang confectionery for our supper after the kids had their dessert at Macs.

The journey home was smooth. The kids got through the auto gates at CIQ easily. The bus to Woodlands checkpoint was surprisingly fast despite the queue extending all the way to the bottom of the escalator coming down from immigrations. This time, Sito and I didn't use QR code at Woodlands as the kids don't have individual ones. 

And unlike last time, we went for the 160/170 queues instead of the 950 queue at Woodlands - so much faster! We reached Kranji MRT in no time and took the train home. They reached home by 9 pm and I followed shortly as I did a quick grocery run - I need eggs at home to feel secure haha!

So tired. Our legs were aching after clocking 17k steps. But it was a nice trip with theme park, shopping and dining all checked. If we couldn't get door-to-door rides to Legoland, we could at least make day trips. 

But I really wish we could have the door-to-door rides again!

I'm done

Wednesday evening, MZ texted me to say Father was in hospital for lung infection and low oxygen level, and ask me to visit. It sounded like he might not make it. I agreed to go.

But I felt rather apprehensive.

I last met him over 20 years ago, and last spoke in 2020 after he made a maintenance claim on us as his CPF RA* was running out. He called me - my number has not changed since after graduation - to ask for money. But the social worker or MSF sent us a copy of his bank book in the course of the maintenance claim - all the CPF money, ComCare money and money from my siblings and relatives were spent like water. How can a single old man spend more than what my household of six (including helper then) spent on groceries? 

* Btw, I truly believe in CPF. Scammed of all his CPF OA but retirement fund was safe and lasted him 20y!

I’m not a 凯子 and I don't support vice or what woman and children in Batam (?!) so I hung up. I just keep paying my share of the maintenance via MZ every month, even after stopping work.

But actually, I had thought about visiting him some months ago - came about from a dream or something, I forgot. Anyway, I agreed to go so I thought about what to say. I even googled “what to say to estranged parent at deathbed” though he was improving by Wednesday night. And Google was all about peace and reconciliation. WTH.

To be honest, I feel vindictive all this while. I wanted to ask him if he felt sorry for what he had done and what he had not done. I wanted to show him that he had missed out on what could have been a good family life, with a permanent shelter over the head, a good wife and three children doing well. But I also didn't know what my response would be following his reply.

After MZ's text, I was busy with kids (and C drama!) and then grocery shopping and housework on ytd morning. Must finish up everything before I left.

Before I knew it, I was at the hospital. Passed by the room accidentally and turned back to check the door sign. An emaciated old man inside waved me in through the seeing glass. I didn’t recognise this old man. I had to check the name on the board before I was sure I was at the right place.

Turned out he has dementia. Found out from the speech therapist who came in to do a swallowing assessment. Later I learnt that his dementia started after a mild stroke in 2020, shortly after he claimed maintenance. He had since been living in a nursing home.

His speech was a little slurred. He remembered his three children and their names. But I’m not sure he really recognised me; he waved at everyone looking through the door coz his back and legs hurt. So I wasn’t able to get a reply to my question, which I almost shouted into his ear coz he’s hard of hearing. Before that, it was where I lived, did I study, did I work, did I stay with Mother. Repeat. After that, coz I mentioned when he was younger, it was all about billiard, how he played for money. But my school fees went unpaid anyway. Told him billiard was useless. I should have put in a choice adjective before "useless".

He kept complaining that his back and legs were in pain. I couldn't move him. Pain. Took me two trips to finally find an available nurse to help adjust his position. In the end, still pain.

Then YQ arrived and simply acknowledged the billiard bullshit and told me to get used to all the complaints about pain. He definitely recognised him more. Before the maintenance claim, MZ and YQ had already been giving him money just to get him off their backs. Else he would call other relatives who would in turn call them. Worse, he called Mother’s phone and threatened to go to the house! They even paid off a loanshark debt for him. 

I learnt about all this during the maintenance claim as we shared all the dirt. I lived with them for only six years after the divorce before I moved out*. And I spent more time at work and play than at home. Anyway, we don't really talk since we were kids; just not friends, you know. 

* After the divorce was finalised when I was 19, I left straight for Oxford. I didn't know anything while I was away, though I visited him during summer breaks. After university, I also gave him money. The last time was when he wanted to renew his taxi licence or something like that. But of course he squandered the money without ever touching his licence or a taxi. That was the last I saw of him.

I left the hospital shortly after YQ arrived. By then I knew I wasn't able to get anything sensible. Then YQ told me the ward was for TB risk; a nurse told him to go in at his own risk. Tmd. No one told me. Lucky I had a mask on anyway. I was paranoid to get out. What if I spread to my kids?! But later on the train, MZ confirmed that the doctor said negative for TB. I washed down madly anyway when I got home. Came out shortly before the kids came home, and Sito could go fetch Yu from HCL.

So, is there closure for me?

He's losing his mind now. Nothing matters to him now. But I'm still here and clear minded. Kel said it is better for me to think that he was sorry. But I cannot kid myself. 

Now, Sito always reminds Yang to accept distractions and put them aside so that he could focus on what's at hand. Accept. So I accept the fact that I would never know whether he has ever felt sorry. 

Anyway, he is bearing the consequence of his actions now. He's reduced to such a state in old age, with no one to love and holding on to only memories of his useless billiard days.

I still remember how he looked like 20y ago. I even took a photo with him during one summer break. He looked so different with old age and illness. I told Sito it was probably illness. Coz Mother looks way healthier at only three years younger and Sito's grandma is still feisty at over 90yo. YQ said he was thin even before the stroke, coz money went to Batam (and vice), less to eat. "Fucking silly brainless man!" I totally agree.

Ytd, I also scrolled through the WhatsApp chat during the maintenance claim after the visit, and saw one part saying how nosey relatives once tried to tell Mother about him but she stopped them, coz she had no interest in knowing 👏  That's something I could learn from. 

There is no need for me to think about this anymore.

I'm done.

SG60!

Everywhere we go in the past month or so, we see posters saying "HAPPY 60TH BIRTHDAY". But I bet some people see "GOTH" like me, haha!

Although 60年是一甲子，i.e. very significant, I remember SG50 the best, coz my son was a poster boy :p

Yes, that baby is Yang!

That baby is now a big boy of 11 years :)

Anyway, as usual, we like to play NDP songs to hype the kids up for National Day. This year, I expanded my Youtube playlist to include almost all the NDP songs since the 1980s. Played these songs whenever we were seated in the living room with the kids. They still prefer songs from the past few years and the oldies from Papa and Mama's childhood.

Once again, our neighbourhood ND Observance Ceremony was held at the OHV mall. We had breakfast at the hawker centre before going over. Like last year, there were more elderly than kids *.* Hope they all have young grandkids to gift the playdoh sets in the goodie bags...

Long time no eat prata with Milo!

Sito and I had youtiao, him with soy milk and me with kopi siew dai. Happy to get $3 DBS cashback!

Yu took part in a quiz

His baby belly is so cute right? :) Brave little boy had raised his hand a few times before but didn't manage to catch the emcees' attention until we redeemed our ice cream snacks. When I saw him raise his hand again, I told him to jump a bit, and that did it! He just smiled shyly when the emcee highlighted the ice cream on his face, hoho! 

He said he wanted to take part coz he wanted to know what the prize was. Later back home, he wasn't quite pleased to find that the prize - supermarket trolley token (!) - was also given in the goodie bags...

Besides snacks, there were also game stalls and info booths. The kids played all the games. Prizes this time were candies. I don't fancy candy but I think they were more useful (at least can eat!) than random lunchboxes which we got last year and have yet to use.

I was particularly interested in the LTA booth - they're starting to build the traffic light near the bus stop for the road between our and Mum's precincts this quarter!

Some months ago, a jaywalker was fatally knocked down on this road further up - we saw the blue tent covering the body *.* Right after, I wrote in to our MP about the need for a traffic light. Many people including unsupervised primary school kids cross that road to get to the bus stop. MPS staff replied that they were going to build but did not give a timeline. Finally I saw the artist's impression of the crossing at the booth!

My very own VR Man, playing Beat Saber to NDP songs

The kids watched Hossan Leong's "We Live in Singapura" lately and learnt about various things from 20-40y ago, like VR Man. They've also been asking about Yusof Ishak, Lim Yew Hock and Chee Soon Juan. Social studies can't do better than a song 🤷‍♀️ 

Mario Kart - you guy don't play enough at home meh??

Oblivious to our MP watching him play

Nvm, Yang was wearing a headset. But Yu was playing Mario Kart with no headset, and he didn't even realise someone patted his head 🤦‍♀️  Ya, the eyes only on the screen...

Clan Sito all in red for ND!

Gonna leave before the end so no chance to take photo with the stage backdrop so used the smaller version - our tickets!

We were all so full from breakfast and the ice cream snacks that we didn't think much about lunch until I felt like I had to clear the dining table - we brought back hotdog buns and biscuits from the snacks stalls. The four of them ate everything. I couldn't eat anything.

Long time no paste tattoos!

Oh ya, I changed into PJs early in the day coz comfy :p I rubbed off the tattoos last night but I think Yang and Yu still had theirs on their hands :)

So it was quite a fun ND for the kids - nice breakfast, games, hotdogs (instead of my porridge) for lunch, tattoos and clappers and whistles from the goodie bags, yummy Macs for dinner. It was also very noisy, no thanks to the whistles!

We had an early dinner - Macs coz Yang didn't want KFC and there was no good deals at Domino's. Sito bought seven burgers, 24 nuggets, five packs of fries and five drinks. I don't know what combi he used but everything turned out just nice - he and Kai had two burgers each. We finished just in time to watch the NDP show on TV.

I must admit that this year, I wasn't focusing much on the TV coz my new phone arrived in the afternoon! After transferring my data just before dinner, I spent the evening figuring things out and logging in etc. 

But the days after, I watched reels and read news about the NDP. So nice to see more pictures from various angles. Ah, I like ND :)

No yellow face!

When I was a kid, I often heard this term: 黄脸婆

Huh? Yellow-faced old woman? Sallow face - gosh, sounds horrid.

Well, it typically refers to an old housewife. Why? Beats me! A quick search reveals the following possibilities:

1. Hormonal changes can cause changes to the skin in an older woman
2. In the past, cosmetics tended to contain lead which could cause skin pigments to turn yellow; older women were more affected as they were exposed to those products for a longer period of time

"Old" and "yellow skin" aren't words that are flattering to a woman of any age! So this term always carries a negative connotation. But I wouldn't mind it if Sito says that I'm his 黄脸婆 in an endearing manner :) And I do embrace my age.

Still, that doesn't mean I should allow myself to look old or ugly even though I'm *just* a SAHM. Yes, I don't have video conferences, and my interactions with friends are mostly via WhatsApp given that most of us have kiddy commitments.

But Sito sees me - I'm his ex-girlfriend and wife before I'm the mother of his kids. The kids see me - there is no reason I can't be effective at home and presentable in and out of the home too.

So I never dropped my skincare routine. Yes, there have been changes. I dropped cosmetics when I was working from home but I never stopped my sunscreen. Now, I still put on sunscreen on days I don't leave the house. When I do go out, I may even put on some loose powder to even out my skin tone.

From January, I use face masks nearly daily after my evening shower as I bought a few packs from Japan. But I think that's not sustainable as I have to lie down for 10min after putting that on. Some more, I don't think it has made any difference so far. I'm on my last pack and will not buy anymore.

In fact, lately, I've been looking at cheek and lip tints to give myself some colour when I go out. And since the past week, I've been applying facial moisturiser on my perpetually dry lips. Seriously no lip balm works well for me! So far so good. Hope it can help...

Anyway, point is, 内在美固然重要，外在也不可忽略！

Chess trophy for Kai :)

Congrats to Kai for clinching his first trophy, woohoo!!

First runner up for U15 🏆 

This was his 12th tournament already, since he played his first in December. Sito keeps an Excel spreadsheet of all his tournaments and FIDE ratings etc. Yes, we're very OCD. We also love Excel, haha!

Anyway, this round, he met a few friends - from school, Queenstown CC chess club and Bishan chess class. Wait, did I mention he attended a term of chess class after doing well in the NSI? Well, he decided to stop the class this term as his friend S decided to quit he wanted to focus on this studies.

While Sito and Kai were at SMU for the chess tournament, I was at Clementi with Yang and Yu. When they set off for Clementi, we left the library for Swensen's.

Earthquake to celebrate Kai's win!

Courtesy of Swensen's actually, coz we go there so many times and have accumulated a large number of kiddy meals...! Probably no more after this now that the kids have moved beyond kiddy meals... But sometimes Sito and I get kiddy meals instead haha! We also have a free ice cream cake for spending beyond $1k in a year or something. Yes, we eat a lot of Swensen's.

Oops, digressed...

So yesterday, Kai was very pleased. While he was showering, I gave the trophy a wipedown after its exit from the bag, ready for display at home. After his shower, he saw it on the dining table (as I was still wiping down our shopping from Clementi - yes, OCD) and took it back to his room happily. Over lunch, we all* agreed to display it in the living room once I've cleared out some space... 

* His brothers are also very excited over his trophy :)

Kai: But don't block the TV ok?

Of course, my boy :)

Bedtime with the boys

I used to check on my sleeping boys before my own bedtime, just to see their sleeping faces and sometimes cover their blankets properly. Often, I sneaked in a kiss or two, and for Yu, smelled his sweet saliva baby scent.

But I stopped that some time during the June term break. Yu said I didn't close his room door properly when I left and would rather I not go in *.* His room door is difficult to close fully - think the hinge was a bit off but we didn't realise earlier coz it wasn't used for sleeping until just before this year.

They're still alive :p

I'm glad that we still do bedtime with the younger ones. Nowadays, Sito meditates with Yang while I lie down with Yu. Then I turn out the light for Yu and lie down with Yang. If Sito is not around, Yang will do quiet things in his room or hang out with Kai until I'm ready for him. Kai has not wanted me to lie down with him since P5 or P6 - I can't remember exactly when but it was after we moved here in August 2023. He prefers to play chess on the iPad...

Bedtime routine with the boys is like stolen quiet time. Stolen from their little band of rowdiness and complete unawareness of others when they are playing and chatting among themselves. During this bedtime routine, there's only one parent and one child. During this time, little gems of life may emerge from the comfort of the bed and the hugs and snuggles.

With Yu, he likes to hug his fluffy toys as I hug him, and sometimes even talk to me through them. Bedtime chats are usually very light. Like this snippet. More recently, on 26 May, Yu prayed for the toy bear that he lost in Osaka. He said that was the first time he prayed. Mostly, he acts like a baby (or cat?) and 蹭 my arms and face like mad *.* Just like I may remind him to do things, he may also take the chance to remind me to do things for him!

Solo time with Yu when I picked him up after HCL on Thursday

With Yang, there were many memorable moments. When he was in child care, he prayed for a sniffling mama to get well. Once, I found him crying silently coz that day, I decided that I would only speak Mandarin at bedtime and he was afraid he wouldn't be able to understand me!?!

Last night, I was hugging Yang with his back facing me. He really wanted to get better marks so that he could have more phone time during term breaks. I told him how Papa and Mama had seen his good attitude - he may complain that he has no time to play but he would still come to us when we ask him to start work. And how hard he works! 

Yes, we all - parents and Yang himself - may be sad if he doesn't get good marks this year but it's ok if he has put in his best. And if he continues to put in effort, results would come in some form sooner or later. 

Next thing I knew, he rubbed his eyes. I asked if he was crying. He said a little. Awww.... My heart...

I really miss doing this with Kai. Sometimes, I go to his room after I'm done with Yang. Go away, he says, eyes still on the iPad :( He still comes to our room after playing chess. But it's just different from me going to his bed, somehow... Maybe all he talks about is chess which I don't get. I made a note to chat with him today. Hope I get to do it later...

Update 4 August

So I managed to speak with Kai - before I unlocked the iPad :p But on retrospect, it was more of a reminder than a proper random chat.. I should do better...

Then two nights ago, he invited me to his room coz he wanted to spend some time with me. I was so happy! But when I lay down in his bed, he told me to stick out a leg - he just wanted to pluck my leg hair! 🤦‍♀️ 

He targeted my hair after Papa shooed him away!!

But it was his birthday that day so I entertained him - two strands and bye bye! This boy is curious why we have so much hair on our legs, especially Papa, haha! You just wait!

First teenager in the house!

And that's Kai :)

So fast, so big.

He caught up with me in height about March/April - can't be too sure coz he was either slouching or over extending his back 🤦‍♀️ But certainly some time between April and June, he became taller than me. We shall see whether he catches up with Papa this year or next...

Despite growing 20cm in two years, he put on only 6kg. So he's super slim now. I'm very envious of his 小蛮腰 haha!

Birthday celebrations were supposed to start with Macs breakfast but it was raining so I went to pack you tiao (four!) since I had to buy vegetables for our porridge lunch anyway.

Sito bought 12 doughnuts after lunch and I stacked six onto a plate - that's Kai's birthday "cake" since he doesn't like the usual cake. The kids had two doughnuts each - sugar high! Sito and I had one each and the kids took the remaining four the next morning for breakfast. Gone in under 24H :p

Cake but no cake - or no cake but cake?

This year, his birthday fell on a Saturday. It wasn't our usual fortnightly library Saturday but we went to the library anyway before heading to Swensen's, yes, our fave again, for dinner. His kid membership tied to Papa's expired upon his birthday so we signed him up for his own so he could get a firehouse birthday sundae. 

Ice cream is a must!

Thing is the membership uses Telegram, which is a 17+ app so we had to lift the age restriction on his phone to download and use it. When we put back the age restriction, the app disappeared. Looks like we'll do this once a year :p

The next day, we went to Asia Grand at Fairmont for lunch with the grands. Kids had noodles, Peking duck rolls and xlb; they don't eat dim sum much. The adults unfortunately overate dim sum *.* Had to pack quite a bit.

And back at the grands', we ate more! Kids had their usual snacks with TV and adults had coffee/tea. But there's also ice cream for everyone - again, a non-cake "cake".

Candle was supported by blu-tack!

And that wasn't it. Coz the following week was HBL week for Kai due to the sec 4s having "O" and "N" levels orals and listening comprehension. Extended birthday weekend woohoo!

But he had a lot of work, especially on Monday. He had more time to read Harry Potter on other days

Reading before the rest of us woke

Big boy thing? From not wanting to read all these years to reading Harry Potter every day for the past few weeks. He's now at the seventh book. He finished the series last week. Usually, he plays chess on the iPad and came in to nua with us a bit before bedtime. While he was reading the series, he read after his last match - he cannot start a new game after 9pm.

Or is it a Harry Potter thing? :p If so, how to get him hooked on new books?? We shall see...

On Wednesday, we went to Macs for lunch, in a way making up for the missed Macs breakfast on his birthday. He ate two meals minus one drink!

Teen trying to hide from my camera..

Big big boy at playground after Macs

Wanted to bring him out for brunch on Friday but Sito and I were very hungry after our dental appointments (made before the HBL was confirmed) so we ate at Tanglin Halt hawker centre and packed beehoon for him. He had CCA that afternoon and was away until evening. Just like that, HBL week was over! So was his extended birthday weekend!

It's amazing that our firstborn is now a teen. It's bewildering that this 1.7m tall 13yo boy is still coming to our bed almost every night to talk about chess, to nua, to do random things like pluck our leg hairs...!

Naughty boy trying to pluck my leg hairs!

Grow up, boy. But not too fast. Actually, grow up la. But slow down, pleeeease...

Parents are conflictec, sighs...