Friday, 30 September 2005

Partners in crime

A while ago on MSN..

Na: jus squished a cockroach right outside my room, reluctant to clear up the mess now
mf: thanks i designate you official pest buster of future house .. fine i be caretaker
Na: i kill u clear ah?
mf: but you must make sure it surely is dead ah...
Na: i will definitely make sure it is dead, tat's why it's spread across the floor yeah.. i must mash it, i will never let it resurrect
mf: okok.. *scary* but don't make my job so diffi leh
Na: bo bian.. would u rather it is still one piece but struggling and moving and NOT DEAD?
mf: =( ok

I dare not kill cockroaches; they are scary and they are too big to kill.. The last thing I killed was a mosquito this year - small and bloody (likely mine), serve it right! The one before that was a spider in 2002, 1" diameter - it took multiple hits with a bleach bottle to finally kill it - but I actually wasn't sure if it died before I threw it out into the front yard =( Anyway, I got emotional in the killing process.. I should really stick to clearing the crime scene..

Think Na the Murderess and mf the Caretaker make quite a good pair, ya? :p

Analyse me

Shrink T gave my mind a full detox. First, he identified Conflict #1: how will I be close to my dream family since I'm not too close to Mother etc now?

Well, the reason why I'm not too close to my current - ok, let's use the word for convenience's sake - family is that it simply has not been one for way too long. Younger, I saw my friends enjoying time with their families and I wished I were in their shoes. At some point, I decided that I would want my own happy family one day.

Then, he identified Conflict #2: if that's what I want, am I doing anything to achieve that? Ok, concede he may have a point there.. Thing is I am comfortable with myself too! Perhaps another factor is time..?

Next, Shrink T posed me a question: I'm cool with my solitude now, but how about 50years from now? Well, I'm pretty sure I'll still have friends :)

Gee, now that I'm writing it out, it sounds less convincing as the question list goes down..!

I wasn't needing counselling; we were just chatting and somehow it became my session with a shrink! Thought it a bit weird cos I'm usually the one playing shrink :p But good la, this pseudo shrink had been a helpful one, made me want to rethink my priorities. Haven't had time to really think through though, but I'll make sure I get to it.

Anyway, let me end this with a song I heard this morning on the way to work. I like this song since Moulin Rouge and sometimes, when I least expect it, I'll hear it somewhere, and it'll make me smile :) Presenting, Your Song:

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

Thursday, 29 September 2005

Friends on sms

Kel was saying the world doesn't revolve around someone.

mf: Oh but it does around me and don't bother arguing.. :p
Kel: Of course it does around you, such a massive body
mf: ='( you're mean! I'll starve myself to death and you'll be guilty forever!
Kel: Pls don't, cos if you do, your immense g field will collapse to a point and you become a black hole. You will suck things in and so you become a erm, sucker? Hiak
mf: *he hiak-ed me?!* Ya I'll suck you in and digest you so you become the pile of shit that you know you really are!
Kel: If I already am, aren't you then eating shit? Ha I know, that's your staple
mf: .. Shit! I go sleep.. Not fun anymore!
Kel: Haha good night. I WIN!

It's sad but it's true: winning mf is such a cheap thrill! Sighs..

Wednesday, 28 September 2005

mf is surprised

Apparently, despite all my misgivings and clumsiness, my informal written language and usual silence in meetings, my work review turned out quite fine! I'm surprised by that and also by what I'm feeling now - happy - cos I've always thought I don't really care how I perform. I still don't see work as my first priority in life but I have to concede that I do care about it. Perhaps cos I've been spending more time on it these days. No dates what, so sell my youth first :p

Of course, there are areas I need to take note of and *try* to improve on. So now I'm pressuring myself to work harder.. Already tend to work late these days but time is not the sole factor; I need quality! I should spend more time thinking than fighting fires *self reflection*

Have an inspiration to write down all I like and dislike about work..

1) My office - see other post just below.. Will I have enough "The office" kind of posts to start considering having our own little sitcom??
2) The adrenaline rush when doing something urgent/important, even having to work late (when I don't have social commitments :p)
3) The scope of my work - um, classified but it's interesting!
4) The fifth floor people, notably Ah Beng and Karen, not least for calling me "beauty" all the time la! They know how I like my mee already, dubbed "mf's" - no chilli, no oil, less ketchup but throw in those sliced red chillis! :p Nice to make small talk while waiting for prawn mee..
5) The aunties at the Muslim rice stall - One of them asked me, "Become Muslim already, always eating here!" And they recognise me as the girl who doesn't need plastic bags or spoons. Oh, and no gravy too :p
6) I'm a single (short) bus ride away from work - oh be envious!
7) I spend peanuts on lunch if I eat in. Um, I seriously mean peanuts, you know, the kind you eat..

1) The frustration when doing something urgent/important but people whose inputs I need refuse to respond! Then there were also a couple of times when a bombshell landed on me from somewhere up there and I had to deal with that at the same time *.*
2) Yes, too many fires raging!
3) I'm expected to do presentations, voice opinions on issues etc kind of things that require me to *gasp* speak up in front of many people.. You may wonder: I can sing to a crowd but I can't freaking talk?! Yes, I suddenly realised this in the toilet (no doubt a superb place for idea generation) some time this week that I can speak up only in a small group setting but I can't sing in the same small group - I need a bigger audience for my lovely singing voice! Does it follow by induction that if I can see a presentation as a performance, I may do better? Shall try!
4) Sometimes, I need to look at data and analyse findings.. Nooooo! o_O
5) All those courses I have to attend, some can be damn boring! Have a five-day course pending, dreading it..
6) Selection of food sucks - I'm thankful I tend not to be choosy about variety, so long as it's in mf's style :p
7) Office can be scary when I'm alone, even in the day! *.*

Hmmm, rather even in the end.. Well then, I declare higher weightage for the likes :)

Yucky mf

Went for a massage yesterday - nothing unusual except that it was accompanied by my first wrap at Amore.

As I laid there face down I had expected the cream or spread to be cold like the scrubs I did during previous visits. But no, it was really warm and felt like a big fat tongue :p cos my therapist Ivy used this big fat brush to apply the thing, oooh!

When I turned over, I opened my eyes and was shocked to see that I had become swamp girl - the thing was an ugly gooey black like dark cement! She continued to paint me until the only fair bits were my face, palms, soles, triangles and coins :p Then she folded the plastic sheet I was lying on over me - mf the Mummy! - and put two towels on top before pulling a blanket out of nowhere (it was hanging off the bed la but I didn't notice before that) to cover me.

I was still for the next twenty, first feeling the blanket heating up and then drifting into heavenly oblivion. Woke up only when Ivy called me. I like. Think I'll do wraps more often next time :)

Saturday, 24 September 2005

The office

The girls were having lunch in the pantry.

mf was having
STI's Urban with prawn mee and commenting on something that resulted in FK reaching over and stroking her left leg gently, like sayang sayang..

mf: Ewe..
FK: *In her signature tone* You don't like?
Siok: Omg, FK is soooo sexy! *Swoons*
FK: Hahaha! *Stroke again*
mf: Stop stop, that was itchy.. *Scratch scratch*
FK: Does that turn you on? Haha! I think you're the horny type!
mf: OH I AM! Haha!
FK: *Serious* When's the last time you had sex? Say, say!
mf: It's depressing just to think of it.. Don't remind me! Sigh! *Wave hand and shake head*
FK: Then how? .. *Light bulb* Let me help you!
mf: *Blink blink* Um, thanks but I manage..

Leo walked innocently into pantry in search of day's newspapers.
The girls greeted him and..

FK: Leo! Do you think mf is horny?
Leo: *Blink* Hmmm?
Siok: The poor guy is only here for newspapers! Hahaha!
FK: Nvm.. So? Do you think mf is the horny type?
Leo: Yes! *Back to papers*

Gee, haven't laughed so much over lunch in a long time! Another reason to like my job!

PS: When I told Kel this entry may read a bit like porn (not really la :p), he asked for visual inputs like photos and video (without knowing the "plot"; now I think he's ready to puke) but don't you agree with me that the imaginative is the most powerful tool? :p

No laptop! =)

There's still work to be done but well, it's staying in the office this weekend :p

Went to Union on Thurs. Had a lovely chat with Na over dinner on our future house! Think we covered every single room already - the decor, the furniture, the electrical and electronic equipment etc. I know I'm taking forever to draw up the floor plan and list of things to buy.. Ok, will get to work asap..

It was a busy day at work yesterday, as it had been lately. But mf was hungry, very hungry in fact, after seven Teochew dumplings for lunch. Shut down everything close to 9pm and left office for dinner, all the while jittery and imagining the unimaginable, eg I might hear a scream the moment I switched off the lights! Walked into the toilet bearing thoughts of seeing ghosts in the mirrors or the lights going off while I was taking a leak.. Managed to work myself up further in the lift, not daring to look around cos I feared unwanted company in the lift - recalled that scary movie "The Eye"! Tend to imagine too much when I'm the last to leave *shudders*

It was quite late when I reached New Asia Bar. First time there. Nice scenery but I was pissed, thrice:

1) Bouncer checked my friend's ID but not mine =/ Related, some girls approached us for a game to win prizes and I was asked to fill in a form - realised I'm now in a different age bracket..

2) Some random guy came to our table and asked to look at our hands, saying what which finger should be longer than which finger for guys and the other way round for girls. My hand proved his little theory wrong and he immediately turned to the other girl in the group, "I think you're normal. Let me see your hand.." HEY, AM I NOT NORMAL?! (Btw, we thought he was trying to hit on one of the guys in our group :p)

3) Had a beer, a double shot and then more beer. Enough said *.* Headed off to Geylang for supper. To my disgust, they had only soya bean milk! No oolong tea for me! That's my standard drink after the other more potent standard drinks! Instinctively felt that Sat morning would be hell..

But I had fun! Largely thanks to the tequila that made me forget I couldn't move nicely properly in my stiff office skirt :p Decided I should not have beer unless it's to cai quan. Decided I should always wear jeans for dancing. Or those little skirts I love so much when I feel thin. Decided that I would steer away from groups of dancing girls if I value my poor toes, which happen to be nicely pedicured lately..

Anyway, woke up feeling cute instead, and in my waking-up confusion kissed my Eeyore's left foot thinking it was his snout! I actually made it to ACM in time for the 11am guided tour. The guide was a volunteer but I thought she was great! Had a quick lunch before going back to explore the galleries slowly on my own. My fav were the Indian and Chinese ones. Too bad my camera ran out of battery (again!)

Kel joined me at 1+ for the guided tour for the Journey of Faith, the exhibits from the Vatican. It was cool! I'm not religious la, but lately I've been into art history in Europe during the Italian Renaissance. Religion - Christianity here - was an important component of the art of that period. So you may say I'm taking an academic interest here. Made a note to find out more about this, as well as my other interest that is Chinese history.

I was suffering from traveller's fatigue by the end of the museum tour. Walked around a bit more after the guided tour with Kel as my personal guide on the religion. Think I'll want to return to the museum armed with two camera batteries, a sketch pad and more comfortable shoes. Kel left for mass while I popped into a number of shops and emerged victorious with a pretty skirt and a pair of trousers :)

Thursday, 22 September 2005

Which is worse?

1) To feel stupid in front of smart people but learn something, or
2) To realise suddenly that the people you're with are not too smart (ie you're way smarter) and you won't learn anything from them?

Hunger for recognition VS thirst for knowledge; everyone knows we can survive longer without food than without water, but water alone won't save your damn life.

Tough, I can't decide.

Wednesday, 21 September 2005

Mooncake story

While waiting for the peeps to fetch me

And I like this :)

(The light under the bridge was due to tens of burning candles lit by people on the other side of bridge)

Used to walk around the playground downstairs with big lanterns made from colourful cellophane paper when I was a kid. Then those wired frames were replaced by fold-flat paper lanterns, which were in turn usurped by those noisy electric ones with bulbs and irritating midis of the most popular songs. Ok they weren't irritating back then.

Some time in late primary, lanterns were carried by the parents while the kids played with bare candles, lighting them everywhere and watching them burn. I've been through all this and now realised the best fun is really to carry the paper lanterns around :) As this teacher at a temple once commented, "it's only fun when the lanterns *oops* accidentally BURN!"

Oh, story.. There used to be nine suns and one day all nine decided to come out to play at the same time so everything was scorched and dying until this guy Hou Yi shot down eight. He was made the Emperor but he became such a tyrant that his wife Chang E, in an attempt to save the world, downed his immortality potion on the 15th day of the 8th lunar month. She floated to you-know-where.. But that's only the moon story. (Don't know much of all the extras about this woodcutter on the moon and a rabbit..)

Cake story now.. Years on, during some revolt (by good people against bad government of course), revolutionaries hid notes of instructions in cakes so that authorities would not find out when they send the notes vis cakes to the different provinces to stage the uprising. Think they succeeded on the lunar 15 Aug so people started having mooncakes during this time every year..

Gee, I sure suck as a historian! Well, too bad I don't have time *excuse* :p Have accumulated entries in my head, hope have some time this weekend!

Sunday, 18 September 2005

Happy Lantern Festival!

Ytd went for lunch with the Guides, haven't seen them for so long! But everyone was late. One went for yoga, one overslept, one didn't know about it until 1130am (lunch was for noon), one was working (mf) and the other two were relatively early..

Left them to meet YX after buying two charcoal pencils - will be using them tonight at the lantern do with the TGPS peeps! Took me almost an hour of walking to get from Orchard to City Hall while on the phone with Sito who called when he read my last entry. Thanks to everyone who beeped or asked after me one way or another! :) I'm really ok now, it's as if Fri morning never happened, strangely..

Dinner was at Lerk Thai at the new Marina Square, yummy and cheap! And I like the new mall, must go check it out properly one day! YX and I were just walking around checking out furniture cos he was revamping his room. Saw super expensive mattresses and nice decor. Then as we passed by the stretch of bridal shops, we were attacked left-right-centre by sales and pamphlets *.* Siam-ed to Harvey Norman to look at more furniture. The bed frame he liked was nice but the corners were the sharpest I'd ever seen - potential danger points! Then I spotted this mosquito net and my interest must have shown cos the lady told me that was for decor - I would have to go to Ikea to buy it.. D'oh!

Na rang YX, asked if we wanted to go clubbing. Um, medication for me and YX just wasn't dressed for it lor. In the end, we went to la (expensive) kopi and looked through YX's photos from San Diego etc. The campus photos made me wish I were a student once more..

Returned early to sleep cos wanted to go for aerobics this morning, but it was raining outside and it was nice to laze in bed :) I'll go tomorrow instead.. Did some work before going for class. Despite half of us being ill (Sito, not me), I thought we did pretty well today! Must jot down Shifu's tips..

Was very hungry by the time I got to Grams' cos I forgot to have lunch.. Gobbled a quarter baked mooncake and a quarter snow-skin one on arrival, and had dinner within the next hour, buurrp! Like that, how to lose weight?? Sighs..

Realised that Grams' birthday is in one month's time - 19th day of 9th lunar month - and Mother's too - 15th of same month. Must plan already, love to plan for her birthday, cos all my cousins will appear - just like CNY! :)

Ok, must prepare for the lantern thing already, going to Bishan Park this year.. Oh, the moon is really huge tonight! :)

Saturday, 17 September 2005

Crappy problem

For the first time in my life, I found myself being wheeled into A&E - at least, I believe it was the A&E cos my eyes were closed in pain. My bill registered 554am, 16 Sep 2005.

For the first time in my life, I was injected with morphine, 7mg, I think.

For the first time in my life, I mooned a doctor while moaning in pain, the morphine still a minute away (and its effect, another five)

For the first time in my life, I took a dump in a bed pan.

And I learnt that morphine could make you nauseas.

I learnt that our paramedics were mostly foreigners (my occupational hazard!)

I learnt that severe physical pain might not be accompanied by tears.

The pain woke me up at 5am or so. Turned over and tried to sleep, willing it to go.. But it was not to happen - it was starting to feel like one of those evil tummy pains that only a trip to bathroom can cure. I knew cos I've always had problems with my stomach and this kind of tummy upset happens once every so often.

But this time it seemed different suddenly. The pain became excruciating and I felt like puking. I can no longer remember how long it was before I cried out for Mother. She didn't respond until I banged on the bathroom door, you know that noisy metalic piece of antique?

I remember thinking, as the paramedics carried me down in a stretcher, that I must be so heavy o_O

I knew the needle sticking out of my right hand was damn long; could feel the thing right under my skin and the entry point was feeling sore. It hurt when the doc put it in but I was glad I was in too much pain to see it cos I saw it being taken out and I was shocked! It must have been some 5cm long and worse, its diameter was something like 2mm!! The half near the end was bloody. Now my right hand is disfigured with a red mark, which feels bruised. But I type on..

After (three cups of water and) a urine test and an X-ray, Doc came by to say it was constipation (*.*) colic, and that, well, I had too much crap in me as well, literally! For the record, I usually go everyday, ok..

He released me but the nurses had to make sure everything was ok. But my blood pressure was too low! I first saw the machine register 4*-6* or something like that. Nurse changed to a new wrap and it measured 4*-8*. Was finally brought to another machine where my blood pressure was pronounced to be 4*-9*. Ok la :p

Almost puked in the cab on the way to work but lucky for the cabbie abang, I only retched a bit into a plastic bag. Then I was kicking with life once more! Yeah baby!

Was chatting with Joyce and Siok. (Ok, I shall not mention Siok's tongue :p) We were thinking: colic, as in colicky babies? Joyce said my tummy must be still a baby (I later bit back: so is her brain), which was why I had colic. Later, Na enlightened me that colic could happen to adults as well. Gee, I never knew!

Thursday, 15 September 2005

Hallmark et al

Friend said she felt like a lousy friend cos she had never sent a card to her friends. I say, hey that's not the way to define friendship!

I used to like to send Xmas cards, CNY cards etc. And every birthday, I would struggle to find a suitable present and a card to match. But then presents repeated themselves and I would trouble over what to say in the cards after the typical superficial birthday wishes.

The last card I wrote was to Miki when she was here in May, but for no special occasion at all except that I had something to tell her. I can't remember the last time I sent a birthday/ Xmas etc card; must be some time in sec school..?

Now my way of celebrating is to have a good time together, usually over a hearty meal somewhere. Think it beats giving presents that people may not like/ use, or mass-produced Precious Moments cards that end up in the bottom of some drawer before the ultimate destination of deep dark garbage bag - I have no wish to see them off any further than that.

Received many cards and some letters over the years, many of which were long discarded. Those I kept were either homemade or more than just the usual festive greetings, and I would take them out to read from time to time.

Then there are souvenirs. I never see the point of racking my brains on what to get for the folks back in SG when I should be enjoying myself on a trip! And there's also no point getting something just for the sake of bringing back stuff. Like, I'm sure everyone have at least one of those wooden doll keychains from Thailand! Pls! But I think bringing back your photos is a good idea; I'd love to see them :)

Hence, should you receive that rare card or something from mf, you can be sure it reminds me of you or our friendship.. (Usually la, cos it can be totally random too, coming from mf!)

Saturday, 10 September 2005


Remember once I was searching desperately for Stef Sun's armpit CD? Needed to choose a song from that album for a singing contest organised by Party World - easier to practise if I have the song. But in the end, I didn't even have time to practise. The audition was Thurs at 7pm, knew I couldn't make it by 5pm, asked to reschedule to 8pm. Cabbed there right on time and was ushered right through. Before I could even catch my breath - I later realised I even forgot to intro my song to the judge; he had to look at the list - I was holding the mic, 4-3-2-*sing* Well? Of course died la! I could hear myself shaking uncontrollably from nerves and the cold! CY's audition was last night, her work held her back too and our results were similar.. Sighs..

We like to sing since young. We would go to each other's house and sing to casette tapes; we would sing on the bus during school excursions; we used to ~sing our way home~ when we walked back from the library :) Before that, I remember singing with Yan over the phone when we were in kindergarten: 大人歌,小人歌!:p

Was in CLDDS in NJ. Sang for our annual concert in my first year, a lovely 新谣 called 你的倒影 from the 80s. It was a group effort that took three months to prepare. Those days were spent at the ground level of art block, warming up with the 来来 tune, facing the slope behind the college that led to this house with an ugly black dog. The next year, I was co-director for a drama that required two leads to sing. Even the following year when I was doing relief teaching at NJ, I went to guide a couple of practice sessions with my juniors. Those were some of the best times I spent in the college man...

Not forgetting there was Na who loved to sing as well. My fav with her was hopping down science block corridor, holding hands and singing “走走走走走,我们小手拉小手,走走走走走,一同去郊游!”In 1999, we took part in a singing contest by 木船 singing a duet 打扫 by 两个女生 but bombed it horribly! Fun to think of it now :)

Last year, there was this idol craze and my company did one too. I reached the finals, won a consolation prize. Happy enough cos by then, I already knew that I was losing my voice. Started losing it since I first used nasal spray to control my allergy rhinitis back in Oxford. Now I tend to lose control at higher notes, and hence there is no power in my voice. Very sad but can't be helped..

I admired CY for going to singing classes to improve her singing. I couldn't make the commitment - time and money. Shall sing to entertain myself and whoever likes to listen :)

On par with THE kilogram

mf has unwillingly become the 8th SI unit, the ISLB - International Standard of Lower Boundary, aka lower limit. Usage is more for sociology: any girl whose looks are less than the ISLB cannot make it! In fact, n-ISLBs, where n>1, do not exist, cos no one can be lower than the ISLB!

On retrospect, however, the broken mathematician in me thinks that the argument is flawed. If n>1, n-ISLB must be >ISLB! In fact, the whole thing doesn't make much sense! Nvm, just a bunch of drunkards bullshitting..

It was WX's farewell drinks last night - she's going back to Japan on Mon. I joined them quite late, found everyone to be in high spirits, which made me feel better from the whole work thing last night - thanks :) WX had a new haircut, looking fresh and uplifted - nice! Na just got her new pink phone, lovely - um, both person and phone la.. But poor HL looked so tired! Hang on, just one more trip and you're done with the project! Then there were Kok who has been working his life away but piling on savings, Kel looking like beng beng (imagine that!) and YX showing us his lovely photos from Japan.

There were too many of us and too many random bits flying about - questions, insults, (Kel's) mad laughter. Kok's ears must be failing - he heard me saying he could stay at my place when I said they could come cook at my place again. He said he would then promote me to central limit if he ahem, stayed at my place.. Kel started reciting the Central Limit Theorem, gee..

After Na, HL and Kok left, we then headed for supper at Kopitiam where we continued our verbal assault. YX was saying it's interesting how our friendships were built on such random continuous bickering and merciless teasing. True indeed, there's no harm done/ no bad feelings, we laugh with/at each other, we laugh at ourselves, and years later, we may recall and laugh again :)

Anyway, WX, do take care, hope to see you in Japan within the next couple of years!!

Friday, 9 September 2005

Reverse parenting

No matter what, parents worry - it's their nature. The least and the most we can do, is to make them worry less, cos they'll never stop worrying even when we ourselves become grandparents! Feed your parents a bit of info on, eg where you will be at 3am tomorrow, so they don't bug you with calls :p

(For parents: no point calling your kids every hour to check on their safety, whereabouts etc; you'll only irritate them no end. Even if you know, you'll worry anyway! Be content that they are even telling you where they are going.)

I had wanted to stop at para 2 but I was somehow reminded of my brother YQ.

The first time I went out with my classmates, it was 17 Oct 1992, the Sat after PSLE. The plan was picnic at Pasir Ris. But guess what? I could not go. CY's mum had to persuade Mother to let me go. Thanks to Auntie, I had a most enjoyable outing with a bunch of people whom I'm still in contact with.

CY and I went to different sec schools so we met up every fortnightly or so to go to the library, chit-chat etc. Rule: I must be back by 5pm. Towards late sec, I pushed it to 530pm. Once I was out for a BBQ session with my sec class and couldn't make it back by some freaking early time, something like 9pm. I was worried - can't remember/ don't know if it was because she might worry or she might scold me - and called back three times to say I would be back later, and later, and later. But YQ was the one who picked up the calls - she didn't and still doesn't like to pick up calls. When I finally got back at 11pm, the house was dark but I was freaking shocked when I saw an unmoving pair of eyes staring at me through the darkness - she was sitting at the sofa waiting for me to scold me!

YQ was able to go out with his friends earlier than me. I wasn't pleased of course and I complained. Must have gotten some crap answer. Now I'm no longer envious/ jealous of him. At least now she doesn't call me at 2am to ask where I am. But she calls YQ at ALL hours - even before midnight - to ask where he is and bark at him to come back.

I hated all that control on me last time. On retrospect, I feel that I was not given the freedom, the space to grow. I wasn't trusted. Now I see the same distrust, perhaps more, she has in my bro.

Recalling all this strengthen my resolve for independence. And for better parenting on my part in future. This entry serves to remind me to be mindful that times change and parenting methods should follow. Repressing your kids as a result of keeping your kids safe and preventing them from going astray is harmful to their personal development. But I don't advocate spoiling them; there must be an acceptable boundary.

Sounds like an angry post. Yes, still pissed cos it's almost freaking 8pm and I'm still here!

Pissed off!

I'm supposed to be having Thai food right now with some colleagues but instead, I've asked them to go first and I'm sitting here waiting for fucking inputs for an event tomorrow evening, which I'm supposed to attend as a rep from the staffing division (mine), with this colleague from the corp comms side who was - I couldn't believe this - having coffee downstairs when I was looking for him. And I have to cancel my ballroom class cos the two clash. Fine, if I have to cancel my precious class for work, fine but this part of my work - hell, I don't think it's my job to be there and I don't think I even need to be present! - is disgusting, but main thing is, I don't understand why the other party whose inputs I'm STILL waiting for should take so freaking long to come up with FAQs for an emergency situation that emerged this morning, when such situations have happened before, which means they must have standard responses! This is so fucked up, I rather spend the remaining Friday nights of Sep doing real, constructive work! This waiting is a pure waste of my time!

I have to keep writing to keep my sanity.

Never in my past 1yr 8months of working life was I subject to such irritaton and angst. I had planned to go to the gym tomorrow before ballroom but now I have to come back to office to get the stuff before going to the event - I'm going for drinks later, can't bring all the stuff along.

Can't believe it but I'm running dry on anger.. I'll take the time to blog other stuff..

Update 10 Sep 05

My work station is a mess. Walked in at noon just now, picked up the newspapers at the door and dumped them on my desk, rummaged for that article while lappy was starting up. Then read the document that I was waiting for last night - reached me at freaking 847pm - and started researching for info for my boss's boss's ... boss's boss's event this evening. Just managed to send out the info, rang to notify her. "Ok, I think should be fine. Thank you." Phew!

Thursday, 8 September 2005


Just last Fri at lunch with my bosses, I was responding to something and said I couldn't understand how some people could go clubbing on weekdays and be mentally there for work the next.

Then I went to Zouk last night after ballroom *.*

This was the first time I was there proper (last I popped in from Velvet to look-see but that wasn't mambo anyway) and it was great fun! Interesting how the hardcore took to the centre podium with their moves, all synchronised! But I knew no moves; just shook my ample booty, hoping to break even with all those empty calories downed during the 1-for-1 hour :p

1) cute waiter but he must be what, 12?
2) Sito got us drinks - thanks, I saved to pay for my 9th cab ride this month :p
3) haven't had this much dancing since I think Feb? Ballroom/ Salsa not counted..

4) kena bumped by a) a certain celeb's bum - no she's not that thin (yet?), and b) a sweaty girl wearing too little for her size (she must be twice my width but a fraction of my height)
5) my feet died halfway when the rest of me was still alive, likely cos I recommended the wrong bus and we had to walk all the way from somewhere off Zion Road.. Still, my next shopping list: party shoes. Period.

Lesson learnt:
Cliche as it is, the best is to dance like nobody is watching (after a few rounds of drinks for me)

Oh, I haven't mentioned my company! Was with Sito and more sir/mdms I met last week, excluding Hup cos he refused, totally unmoved by Sito's advances (latter's words!) and my cajoling, stubborn and so dedicated to his work!

Hey, I'm still alert at work here ok.. But I doubt I can survive KLK drinks tomorrow if I go Union tonight.. Will see!

Monday, 5 September 2005

Getting fat but contented

Thurs dinner: Sushi Tei
Fri lunch: Sakae at Funan
Fri dinner: almost ate at this Okinawa place but had brownie at NYDC instead
Sat dinner: Sakae at Funan

I like Jap food, obviously :p

But Sat, Sito and Hup kena sauce when waiters dropped food right next to our table; Sito got it worse. And he taught us a lesson in asserting your rights. We - Ally, Hup and me - watched in awe how he, eh, expressed his displeasure to the staff. He didn't raise his voice, just made it plain clear that it was an accident that could have been avoided. They took his shirt for cleaning, hope it wouldn't stain..

More eating on Sunday; KLK had their first cookout! I declare it a smashing success :) though unfortunately, HL and Kok couldn't make it.. Next time? :) WX helped prepare the salad while I whipped up the chilli con carne and pasta. Bought a honey roasted chicken to go with everything too. LOved the feeling - almost like Oxford :p KLK's birthday - 7 Sep 2004 - was just round the corner so we had a cake too. Kel was helping me estimate calories by the mouthful, how charming *.*

Entertained ourselves with old show on TV, WX and Kel playing nursery rhyme on the organ, and Na's Tokyo video - I finally received it after four months :) Then Kel, WX and YX had to go, leaving poor Tok to entertain himself with VCD while SZ, SY, Na and I busied ourselves playing make-up like teenage girls :p (shall not put up pictures here)

In the end, only SZ and Tok were left and we went for zi char dinner downstairs, very filling again! Fully realised the damage done when, back from dinner, we saw a photo of me and Na taken in Feb this year - I looked so thin then but now, argh!

To Tok who posted a message that he's glad we've been friends all these years, I second you! =)

Saturday, 3 September 2005


Source: Unknown

I hate ants. Saw one on my bedside table on Mon night, tried to flick it off a few times. Then suddenly, a clumsy flick pushed something off the table down the back of my bed. I pushed away the table to reach for my stuff. I brought up three items - the intact medicine oil, and the top and the bottom of Devotion, broken =(

Bought it in Greece in summer 2002 cos I liked the feeling the two figures gave me, a sense of comfort and ease with each other. They sat in front of me as one, right next to this laptop, throughout my MSc year. On return, I had no wish to stow it away like I did my Aphrodite aka Venus so I kept it close, next to my head.

That was the first time it fell, and now it's resting in the least dignified position on my altar top. Have no idea what to do with it.

At the last few chapters of Harry Potter

While I can't wait to know the ending to their 6th year, I can't bear to finish reading it either! I don't want it to end and hence start another long wait for the (last?) 7th book. Most of all, I want to carry on living with my fav characters in their magical world..


Not the luncheon meat..

Realised that spam is finding its way into blog comments lately. Not mine, fortunately. But irritating all the same!

Update 2min later

Just posted above when I saw a spam comment to previous entry =(

Showing off for the first time

Just back from dessert with Jo - she's back with husband from KL this weekend. Didn't manage to talk to her much until the rest were gone. Didn't mind it was quite late by then; first nice chat with her in a very long time..

Been a long day man.. Was on morning leave today - oh, should be yesterday - but woke even earlier cos I had a meeting at 11am and I needed my laptop, which I didn't bring back last night - as in Thurs night :p - cos I was out salsa-ing.

Anyway I finally reached NJ by 845am after braving rain on a breezeless morning. Purpose? Teaching assistant for Sito's ballroom appreciation class!

Bite-size bits:

1) I was introduced as MS *PUT SURNAME HERE*!!! Goodness, last time I was known as Ms *put surname here*, it was in NJ too, when I was doing year 1 FM relief teaching. Nolstalgic..

2) We were demo-ing shoulder hold when some students muttered something about strangling each other. I immediately made a strangling action at Sito :p

3) Enjoyed myself a lot; I actually do like imparting knowledge. But also realised that I'm so not suited for teaching cos I'm just not patient enough, besides having difficulty putting things across in words. Used a lot of demo for this one. Plus, I cannot be stern when I need to.

4) Realised how noisy I could have been at 17/18 *.* But LH reminded me that kids these days were more easily distracted. Hmmm, so perhaps I wasn't that yada yada last time!

5) Overall had been a great chance to dance in front of many people (oh it was very popular, like 30+ dancing and another 10+ sitting and watching) - good to show off despite being not too good! :p

6) You might have expected this one: the girls thought I was pretty! Made my day :)
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