Saturday, 30 July 2005

Back to the old duke

830 - Read his writings on the way to Scotts Dental this morning, emerging an hour later with a 15% of an incisor - can't decide if it's 10% or 20% - lost to a diamond saw.

1040 - Read his musings again on the way to the dental lab in Ubi where I spent a grand five minutes of my life with the endearing ah pek who picked a matching white for my veneer.

"Are you studying still, or working?"

See, I cannot look like I'm 30 right?!

1120 - Took a bus back. As we sailed through Serangoon, I noticed the dark skies outside. Wonder if I could still go to the pool later..

1135 - Crossed a rain front, realised I would be trapped at the bus stop without my umbrella. Dismayed, I thought I would need to take the bus all the way to the interchange and take a bus back to the bus stop on my side. But as I glanced back to the book in my hands, I shrugged. It would stop.

1140 - Feeling cool at the bus stop. Would be there for a while but with the duke I was feeling alright, not hurried at all. Couldn't remember the last time I actually enjoyed the prospects of being stuck somewhere taking shelter from rain.

I am mesmerised by the book. The way it is written, the language, the descriptives, make every detail come alive. A movie unwinds in my head with every word I read. I can imagine the duke alone in his house of many rooms, a solitary mass in his estate, his contorted body tormented by old age and related pains, physical and mental. I doubt any actor can be as convincing as the old fellow in my grey matter, brought into life and flesh by the intricate combinations of chemicals somewhere within.

A thought pops into my head: is it the genius of the author or the incredible science of unreined imagination that knows no bounds, which enables me to conjure all these images? The writer, I suppose, cos without first the his mastery of language and emphasis, where does my brain the magician draw the rabbit from?

1145 - The rain seemed heavier, was getting paranoid that I might catch a cold, my greatest nemesis. Initial delight at the refreshing rain also started to give way to this sense of insecurity associated with heavy rains.

At moments like this, my mind tends to drift back to that rainy day more than half my lifetime ago, when on the way back from tuition a slipper was sucked into the muddy grass beneath the water surface, which was at mid shin. I couldn't move, had to shout for my father who happened to be fetching me that night, and he had to pull out my slipper. I felt safe and warm despite the beating rains back then, but never again.

1150 - I tried to focus on my paperback but rain spray was heavier and I was compelled to protect the book. And my eyes, then my mind, went travelling.

Observed the young Indian auntie with three young kids, they seemed happy playing among themselves.

One leggy girl went "tsk" and decided to brave the rain to get to the other side of the road. How enviable.. I didn't want to get wet, didn't want to get dirty. But what if the rain didn't stop, couldn't stop? Not possible I know but let's say, if. I suppose the only outcome would be that I could never get to the other side if I stuck by my don't-wants. I can be so inflexible sometimes I'm amazed with myself.. Back to reality, what's the difference between getting wet but back earlier, and back later but staying dry? A big bad cold, it must be! Now, I'm sounding like the duke..

1155 - Brother wasn't in, and Mother didn't want to come so far with an umbrella. I found no comfort checking out my profile in the advert box. Could only will the rain to stop. Been whining a lot lately so decided not to text Kel et al to whine about current pathetic state. I'm stoic enough!

1200 - 20min already. The three kids were still happily jumping about. I recalled that a heavy downpour at the end of kindergarten class was a great cheer to my cousin and I who would play at the void deck while the mothers were chatting to while away time before the rain subsided. But then some time in primary school, there was once when we were stuck at another void deck and I was restless and grumbling. Do all negative things come with age?

Wonder if the rain will really stop.. Caught a tiny flash of lightning. Suddenly remember how the elders used to say that this lizard thing could kill by inflicting a bite at noon.

1205 - kel called. Distracted, I didn't see the lightning. The following clap of thunder was especially deafening and I did a weird little scream - it was like I was going to scream involuntarily but realised it at the very last minute when the scream was starting to escape my lips and secondary reflexes kicked in to stifle it. Ended up whining afterall, though the pile of shit absolutely refused to offer any kind words to sooth my rain-induced depression.

Yet another query brewed as I stared blankly at the rain. I can be so drawn to the protagonist that I can feel what he's feeling, see what he's seeing - I start to be him - and my emotions dip and soar accordingly. I wonder if it's that simple, or if, in the case of this book, I'm picturing myself in his shoes years down the road. Or perhaps we share some common traits, like writing an on-off journal, some degree of OCD and random streaks, like how I felt when reading the what-midnight-what-dog book, from the perspective of a boy with autism - I felt so much like him that paranoia set in at some point when I questioned myself if I was ever so slightly autistic.

1210 - Yet more lightning and thunder but from the sound of it, the storm seemed to be moving away. I was getting really cold and hungry. The insects must be feeling cold too; in the space of two minutes, two different bugs landed on my bare skin for warmth.

A huge gush of wind tore at the commuters at the bus stop. Rain drops fell with such vengeance but were then ruthlessly spilled across the tarmac by a strong force. Realised my hair was damp with rain spray. Was quite sure of an impending cold by then.

1215 - The young auntie asked to borrow mobile to call her family to fetch them. I asked to tong bang, as they would pass by my block. But her family said they had no umbrella!

1220 - Feeling really cold and wet and miserable now. My initial brilliant idea surfaced again and this time, I heeded. Hopped onto the next bus and journeyed three stops to the interchange and took another bus back to the bus stop on my side. Mother came with a giant brolly. Very grateful. I think that's like the strongest feeling I can gather for her, gratefulness. I don't even feel ashamed to admit I don't love her like I love my Grams. Maybe I will when she turns 80. People tend to mellow with age, don't they?

1230 - Wet and tired but well sheltered at last. Comfort was sitting on the table in the form of mee pok tah.

1300 - Mother left to visit Grams. I now have the whole place to myself, single lamp, mp3 on my lappy, bits of thoughts in saved messages I wrote at the bus stop.

Rain to me is a strange occurence. It's refreshing, it can be romantic, there's a sensual feel to it that sometimes inspires me. But it's only that tiny a step away from making me feel vulnerable, a feeling that I don't quite like. The 40min at the bus stop left me in a pensive mood. Perhaps just as well that swimming has been cancelled as I'm in no mood to talk to even them, my closest friends.

When considered against the backdrop of eternity, the period between our birth and death is the shortest of trajectories. From the moment we first feel the smack of life to that moment when we re-enter the deep, black pool is but one breath. We are no sooner aloft than we begin to feel gravity's inevitable pull. We hang there but for a second in all our twisting glory. We feel the air on our bodies, our cold eye snatches at the light. We turn a little, as if on a spit. Then we start to fall.
- The duke's idea of life after witnessing a fish jump out of water and drop back in again.

Post midnight rantings - again

Too much rubbish tonight, where to start? Think go chrono; memories are hard to organise when the clock says 2am.

1 - I miss my Man
Been reading The Underground Man this week but didn't bring it out these two days. Don't really know where it's going yet but it's fun; it's like reading a blog on paper. And I took to the writing style, with sentences beginning without a subject - familiar? :p

Sometimes I feel pity for the old duke, alone and slightly paranoid, eg mistaking fatulence for a whole range of illnesses. But this is one cute oldie, albeit somewhat eccentric, the way he sees things is like a child looking at the world and trying to explain how things work the best way he can. Of course, anyone with no prior knowledge but blessed with a hint of imagination, eg the duke, may picture things in similar ways.

Can't decide if it's a sad thing to be living alone in old age. Consider the following: family celebrates your first birthdays for you; you celebrate your birthdays with your friends; you attend weddings of your closest friends and you see them grow fat with family life and kids, you may eventually do the same yourself; many wedding anniversaries and kids' and grandkids' birthdays later, when the youngsters prefer to go clubbing on their birthdays, you find yourself attending funerals of the same closest friends. No I'm usually not so morbid but imagine one day, it's just yourself. I can choose to do what Desdemona did in Middlesex, "I'm going to bed now", and not emerge until ten years later when I die; or I can dig tunnels under my house for weird reasons - if there's a house - and carry on my randomness in this space.


2 - Lower limit again?!
Background: we made Kok compare the looks of certain girls he (and the kaypoh group that is us) was "curious" about. In the end, frame of reference consisted of SY and me. Kok's claim: mf < x < SY. Fine, I accepted the boundary (to some extent) and forgave him for announcing the boundaries on MSN but I refused to admit one of the curiosities as a variable!

Imagine how miffed I was today at a recruitment fair when Al - think I've used Al before but this is a different one ok, cos he didn't want to be called Ali - yes this Al, he used me as a promo tool: see this one (mf), pretty right? In another company she's tops but here, our other ladies are all prettier than her!


Not done yet ok.. He thought I was 30.. &@*%$!
"Eh friend, be nicer to me can?"
"Don't want, why you so tall?? Small and petite like YM good ma.."
Right, my height = my fault?!
"3inch heels! Not that I'm tall; you're not tall enough!"
"But I'm good-looking so it doesn't matter.."
Buay tahan right? Joyce, I'm not the most jia lat ok..

And now, very honestly, do I look like I'm 30?

3 - mf and food
Dinner and drinks with YX, Kel and Al - oh a different one! Can't remember what we were talking about cos feeling quite tired and off, has been an awful week; work was alright but I didn't feel rested over last weekend, plus throat was suffering from all that talking at the recruitment fair cos unlike Al (the non-Ali), I don't have such ability and stamina to keep talking like I did earlier..

Fell asleep in Kel's backseat, remembered a jam at Orchard CTE but the next thing I saw was Novena. Supper was
Thomson prata, mf had two! Sinful, but comforted that I'm hitting the pool (wet one) with the boys tomorrow, no tanning this time - must swim my broken strokes! So here I am, too full to sleep though I have to wake for a 9am dental appointment.. (Kiv: silly deeds at the prata place)

And paiseh, Na! Forgot to call you, thought you would have called YX.. Anyway, looking forward to Sunday brunch :)

Oh remember something suddenly: YX reminded me that I can sell my eggs should I need money - US$20k. Sure, after I've had enough kids, my entire ovary (keep one so that I don't become a she-man) is up for harvest! *.*

Thursday, 28 July 2005


After writing about it, I'm inspired to wear my deep red punjabi suit today.

An Indian auntie stared at me curiously when I walked past her downstairs.

An Indian uncle cycled past the bus stop and gave me a second look.

The irritating mouse of an old man who always takes the same bus as me at the same bus stop turned back with a quick glance. Felt like shooting him down that instance!

In the office, noticed that Joyce was wearing similar too and so was Nesam.

Then my morning email routine turned up a message from this guy, via SDU, who left his number and his name was - Indian! Checked out his profile immediately - others don't get this privilege ok - but his self description didn't impress. Oh well!

Also realised that cos I took the later bus, I didn't get to see that cute Bollywood guy who boards opposite the school. We alight same stop but he walks damn fast.. He works either in the next building and the one further behind. I once said to myself I would chat him up should I find him in the canteen queue one day. One day hasn't arrived yet..

Another coincidence at ballroom: Sito turned up in red too, but BRIGHT RED. Closer inspection revealed the school crest, no wonder so bright! Anyway started foxtrot today, damn tough!

Wednesday, 27 July 2005

Einstein's Riddle

Think it isn't as tough as claimed. Try it before clicking on the solution.

Monday, 25 July 2005

Overdue stuff

Spent ten minutes in the basement of the impressive brand new lib on North Bridge Road, borrowed a book and left for class. Later I found that the loan receipt said that I owed NLB $1.50. Blur for a while before the smarter half of mf thought to check online e-services: fine/renewal fee for a book entitled "liuxiaofeng".. Now this half became stupid too. Rationality took over: YQ!! He admitted he used my old lib card but had no cashcard to pay for the fine. Idiot.. I shall rip up the old card tonight, you know, the blue and white one, laminated and very lao pok one? No la, I'll just keep it with me so no chance of misuse..

Anyway, here it is finally, revealing Na's trophy from earlier this month!

(Surface is my mattress)

Been trying to find a figurine of this exact size. How lucky I am that it's from a savings bank somemore! Cos the trophy is for this very purpose..

 Heh, now Na has to live up to it :p Jia you!

Very sad the photos turned out crap in fluorescent light.. But still cute right? To think I almost had to use cardboard toilet roll to make it, can you imagine Hello Kitty crowning a wrapped TOILET ROLL?? I had totally forgotten about these glass bottles widely popular in (my) pri/sec school time as pretty but pretty useless birthday presents. But I was roaming Popular for pink paper as raw materials for the toilet roll when I rediscovered the bottles!

Also discovered:
1) Double sided tape is damn cheap - 60cents; always thought it real ex when in school. The last time I bought a roll was likely sec school. That's the difference between $0.80-$2 daily allowance and current $xxx.yy daily income.
2) But this tape doesn't work very well on nice textured paper like Kitty's pink nest; I had to use a bit of elephant glue in the end.
3) Elephant glue is my trusted super glue, again cheaper than expected - 90cents.
4) Super glue doesn't work very well on wood surface - Kitty took a whole night to sit still.

Going back further in time, I missed out on an event cos the photos were late and few. It was an afternoon beach party organised by Female (magazine la) - Ker's friend got tickets. Sun was cooperative that day, very happy. But when the time came for games, we realised our beach umbrellas were too close to the stage - and then it was too late to move.. Ker and I were in for a newspaper game, not exactly the easiest game for big-footed people like us! We didn't learn our lessons and continued to sit there. His friends kena next but while they won something, they came back smelling of Coppertone! But overall nice la, eye candy abound, including a pair of very cute (adult) twins, heh!

Which leads me to an even older event - the very boring company D&D last year. My division didn't fill a table; entertainment wasn't great; MC wasn't too smart either. And I, mf the great, was sabo-ed for Miss World, along with five others who were wearing recognisable costumes: Japanese, crusader, Malay etc. I wore a Punjabi suit but MC hesitated for half a second and went "woman of the world"! Wtf! Call yourself a Singaporean! Ok, maybe she's not, don't care.. Anyway I wasn't too pleased that I had to do stupid things on stage and be branded as such. I was teamed up with Mr Crusader, knew him from work so ok la just gao xiao a bit and get it over and done with. Turned out I walked away with the title and better, $100 Valuair voucher! No photos cos we forgot to take that evening and his costume was rented. Otherwise quite interesting right, different cultures, different eras somemore!

And before this gets overdue as well, Ally and Dan got third in tango yesterday - congrats! :) They did well in waltz and quickstep too, coming in 4th for each. Check their blogs for details someday..

Saturday, 23 July 2005

Girl from modelling agency stopped me on the streets

I know I know, her eyes kena pasted over by stamps. Came to the conclusion that the pretty skinny girls were all elsewhere today. Nevertheless, I felt pretty after that. Even better, when shopping I could fit into the smallest skirts, all of which made my legs look thinner than usual. I should be ashamed for being so easily pleased but I'm not! :p Just when I decided it was my day, it freaking rained! Hence here I am..

Did a presentation yesterday. While I was seated in the board room and pausing the presentation for discussion, a familiar smell floated into my consciousness. Reminded me of some place in Oxford. But where? Ok next slide.. And more discussion.. Couldn't place the smell, couldn't even decide if it was pleasant or otherwise. I didn't think it was in SG either.. Yet more slides and more discussion. It was 130pm and the empty confusion in my tummy was spreading upwards..

Suddenly it hit me. It was between Oxford and SG - flight cabin smell! Yucks.. Mystery solved. Next!

I guess I'm learning to smoke better these days. That was my third presentation. Yes I'm keeping count ok. The first some time last year was a disaster; I could barely remember the whole thing afterwards. The second one was just three weeks ago; I was jittery but prepared enough. But yesterday, the butterflies were mostly dead in my stomach. I suspect the fourth one is impending but I shall not think about it yet.

Had dinner with YX yesterday. SY was supposed to be there as well but heard she had a meeting last minute. But Kel was evil - "better to fly plane than to have (SY's) bf come after (YX) with a chopper"! Obviously still sore over the deleted MMS incident.. But must give it to Kel for being the first of my friends to convince me that he will be a good teacher! Mr Lim, jia you ah! :)

Should go watch anime now, feel a need to vegetate, has been a long time..

Wednesday, 20 July 2005


Source: TBS movie, Be With You

Lovely right? Watched it last night, a film adapted from Takuji Ichikawa's "Ima, Ai ni Yukimasu". If you plan to watch this, stop reading NOW.

The movie started with an uncle delivering a cake to 18 year old Yuji, saying that his bakery was closing with this last delivery. The audience is then brought back to 12 years ago, a year after Mio's death.

It was a rainy day, the beginning of the rain season in Japan. Little Yuji was looking for a secret box that he hid in the forest with his mother when suddenly he saw his dead mother sitting in front of him, very alive but with no memories at all. The three of them - with father Takumi - lived happily together again for a while. Taku related to her how they met and got married; Mio listened to him and fell in love all over again (as did Taku); Yuji was so loved by his parents. Then one day, Yuji finally found the secret box.

Mio read her diary in the box and realised that she could only be with them for six weeks, until the end of the rain season. She began to prepare for her departure by teaching Yuji how to do household chores, as Taku had some motor dysfunction disorder. She decided to celebrate Yuji's 6th birthday in advance and even reserved cakes for the next 12 years for him.

Can start to cry already..

The rain season was finally over. Yuji rushed back from school. Taku dashed home despite his condition. They were back in the forest where they found her, only this time, she was leaving them.

The bittersweet thing was what happened after she left. Taku read her diary and discovered that while he thought he had been liking her secretly in school, she was liking him secretly as well. Their thoughts and actions mirrored each other's, back in school and during the six weeks of rain season.

He broke up with her when he developed his condition but couldn't help going to see her one more time. He turned back when he saw her classmate offering her an umbrella but she had recognised his back and chased after him without him realising in the downpour. In her haste, she was knocked down by a car. She was wearing the same clothes as when father and son found her in the forest.


20year old Mio had leapt nine years into the future. When she woke, she decided that she would choose Taku and to die at 28 so she could be with him and Yuji than to go another path. So she went to find Taku and then they were together for good.

I was so touched!

Do you believe you can see into the future - your future - by some freak cross of fate? Cynics may think otherwise but I choose to believe in the existence of such a - what? - parallel universe. My future is unfolding itself somewhere I haven't reached. While I can see my immediate future made up of the next lines of words, I have to live my life day by day to reach further than that. Much further.

Do I fancy a glimpse into my future? Not really, I'll like to know only when it's the time for me to know. But truthfully, I'm also afraid of what I may see. If I see a happy mf, I may slack off now and the future, rooted in the present, may change, like how Mio can choose not to die at 28 if she doesn't go back to Taku. If I see a sad mf, I may become depressed cos I may not be able to turn my future around much by changing current circumstances. I'm content with living in the now.

Still, I like to imagine. I like to conjure images of my own room, for example, of my future as a globetrotter with a backpack, or of my old age with four great kids and twenty jumping grandkids, and even of my death, when, like Mary Alice Young, I get to observe my dearest mourning me, discussing me after I'm gone, what will they say, will they cry, or will they be indifferent.

I want to digress further but I don't have the time.. Maybe another time. Meanwhile, will you like to know what your future is like?

Sunday, 17 July 2005

I wish..

I'm experiencing this familiar feeling of chatting online late into the night, like I did back in Oxford.

Was telling Kel on the way back that I would love to listen to Eason Chen's songs in the night at bedtime. His songs are very soothing, though most can make me melancholy if I allow them to. And if that's the case, I would love to be able to get up and go straight to write down my emotions of the moment. Spontaneous! That can only happen when I get my own room though..

No I'm not going into complains of not having my own room. I just want to dream of all the things I can do..

Firstly, the interior design. There will be a nice set of curtains. I'll need a new mattress, willing to invest up to $300. Also need a huge wardrobe with sliding doors. And a matching desk with an exec chair. A desktop definitely, and I want a keyboard with a touchpad, something to resemble a lappy keyboard else I'll be typing at snail pace. May consider an air-con.. Haven't decided on the colour combi yet but it will definitely be a soft cheery one.

When the room is done up, I'll have a opening ceremony with red ribbons! And you may expect cold soba for my room warming party if I throw one - the way the Japanese do it, as Miki said, cos soba is easy to prepare amid moving house!

With a room of my own, I will finally have a resting space and a home to call my own though it's tiny. I'll likely go off work asap just to enjoy my precious personal space. It'll be so much easier to read cos there will be no TV noise, and my CDs will be more utilised cos I'll have open space for them. Then when I'm not going out in the day time, I can sit on my bay window ledge and space out. I can also invite friends over, no space for chairs but my bed can be a nice sofa - just don't put up your feet and don't sit on Meh :p Ah, that's life man..

That's from a wistful mf, at freaking 3am, still in street wear sitting in the living room next to the phone, blogging with light from the kitchen. I shall go shower and enter dreamland happily with these thoughts..

Sweat is salty

Actually I haven't tasted it for a long time, not at the gym cos of the air-con, nor in the park cos I never exert enough! But the badminton session today was a great workout man! I felt I earned my dinner.. Hope to make badminton and/or swimming (more or less) regular activities, esp when I quit gym classes in Oct.

Didn't realise a blister formed on my index finger until it burst. Went into the CC office to ask for tape to bind a piece of tissue around it properly but the kind man offered me a plaster :) And in that two minutes of waiting, I put my name down for two things: SINDA's reading programme and RC volunteer. Quite happy :)

On the way to Esplanade, we passed by floats crawling to NDP at Padang - first time I was so close to the floats! Exciting.. Then halfway through dinner, we could see the fireworks which signified the end of the show - should have brought my camera!

Post dinner drinks made me realise that I've forgotten all my school stuff. What physics, chemistry, even maths, forgotten! Recalled what bio teacher said: slim chance that anyone will ask you what's inside a leaf outside school. Perhaps I shouldn't feel so bad?

Anyway I'm feeling quite weird now, seem to have forgotten the conversations today *.* But I have been kind of weird these two days, like I don't usually come online at this hour! Don't know why..

Let me end with a nice quote on the coffee cup: if you are going through hell, keep going!

Saturday, 16 July 2005


I was somewhat affected by a friend's problem, the details and timing of which were coincident to two recent - how shall I put it? - relevations.

Just Sat, we were talking about zhuan qing and zhuan yi - what's the difference? Think a zhuan yi person is true to only one and may not be zhuan qing, which is quite sad. A zhuan qing person can be zhuan yi - ideal - but can also be zhuan qing to more than one person!

So most people will say the latter is incorrigible. I'm actually split on this matter.. Well, I'm quite a heartless bitch who cannot be zhuan yi at this point in time, and I suspect I'm as yet incapable of being zhuan qing too.. But if I were married, it would be so damn tough to tolerate the absence of either!

Then just a couple of days ago, a passer-by reminded me of this guy who liked me years ago, and as I recalled guys who had expressed interest in me, I suddenly realised that they shared something in common. In fact, one of them articulated that he liked me cos he felt he could protect me..

See there, that poor cat loitering at the coffee shop waiting for scraps? You can protect it very well, I'm sure you'll like it too..!

Somehow have this feeling that some people think I cannot fend for myself - picture Susan Myers in DH minus the pretty face and the bod. No, I don't think I'm like that. I cannot deny that it's nice and warm to have someone to shelter me, but hey I'm not sitting around here waiting eternally for someone to rescue me. I don't wish to be liked for such a ridiculous reason. Shouldn't it be the other way round ie you want to protect someone cos you like him/her?

Question: ability aside, why do men want to protect?? I suspect it may an innate want/need to protect and provide, in which case, how do you differentiate this from liking someone? I think it's important to tell the difference, otherwise the confused chap will just keep "liking" whoever needs to be protected!

I wonder if it could be that these are insecure creatures who need to have something or someone to protect to prove or reinforce their ability, strength, whatever. Recall one of Kel's recent musings: what a man wants is to be a woman's first love; what a woman wants is to be a man's last romance. I agree with the last bit but why does a man want to be a woman's first love if not for ego reasons??

Enough of my rantings.. Returning to the key matter, my friend, I know of two others who met with similar problems - one happy ending and the other, well I wouldn't say it's unhappy! They got through their rough patches with great anxiety and also all-round support from family and friends. They cleared their heads and started taking control of the situation after the initial shock, and doing all they could to reach the best solution possible. So keep your head high, ok?

Dumbledore gave me candy when I asked..

"May I have a sweet pls?"

Ya, just back from Borders where people were planning to stake it out overnight for the 6th Harry Potter. I'm so not a book store person but it's quite interesting to see Hagrid and Dumbledore - bigger than this Hagrid - walking around at midnight hours, handing out promotional pamphlets!

Before that was Indochine with YX, Na and friends. Finally gave her the trophy! Shall put up photos when free, plus update on revamp next time.. For now, I need to unleash a long piece that has been brewing for the past few busy days..

Thursday, 14 July 2005


I'm so utterly sick of my dress sense! Not that it is bad ok, nice enough but it's BORING! Too safe..

I resolve to revamp!

Sunday, 10 July 2005

mf the clown?

Had a 930am dental appointment in town yesterday, yes, when I went out late Fri night! Very clever of me right but I also very vain so of course vanity wins :p Discussed various options for a discoloured tooth and finally settled on veneering. It's the best apart from crowning which is more drastic. Btw, Na, my dentist charges $400 for crowning!

I had a little x-ray taken of that tooth and she showed me the calcification in the root canal which might explain the discoloration. Did a vitality test too, cute device that worked by conducting current through toothpaste or something like that. Then we took a mould of my teeth and chose a colour. I always thought my teeth were all off-white at best but turned out she had to use the whitest colour to match! Happy :)

Next stop was the pool with the usual suspects Kel and Kok, plus YX who travelled long distance to swim with us! I said I'll go to Jurong West to find him one day, go eat stingray :p

Afternoon sun was very steady; I was so charred after 1.5hr of lying in the sun! Satisfied, I decided to join the swimmers in the crowded pool. Bumped into a secondary school friend and chatted for a while. But I did swim a bit la, just not as much as the others. Had a (very) late lunch after that - YX still amazes me by the amount he eats, just like Kok still does too with his street directory power! Went back to AMK to la kopi and we saw a small make-shift stage for an evening event called Clap! by CS CDC. The performers were rehearsing their songs and I went up to them, chatted a bit :p I so wanted to sing!! Hmmm, idea forming in head..

YX asked me if Kel and Kok always niao me like they did yesterday - ya - and he was wondering why I was still hanging out so often with them. This reminded me of what Hup said a while ago, that I enjoyed being teased, for lack of a better word. In other words, am I fan jian?!

Honestly, I don't mind being teased by friends leh, cos I know they mean no harm, not to mention the great entertainment value for everyone; in fact, I laugh along! Of course there are exceptions, off-hand I can think of this guy who used to go on and on and think he was very funny when fellow companions' expressions - esp mine! - clearly showed otherwise, bah!

Somehow I tend to say or do some things which people can quite immediately pick on and twist into something else. If it's not their niao personalities, it's me and for me, I've had a think about it and decided that it is due to two reasons: I'm either too narcissistic to think about what people may say, or not too aware of my surroundings before commenting on things.

Eg 1: narcissism at work, aka zi4 zhao3 de
Can't remember exactly but I said something about someone saying I looked better these days.
mf: But well, he hasn't seen me for a while..
Kok: You mean he hasn't seen girls for a while!
mf: ..

Eg 2: blur-ness, or what Sito termed "mf's moments"
The most memorable one was the gate; people are still harping on it six years on! But ya, I must agree, that was so duh of me that I totally deserved it!

I don't mind being an accident clown, and I think I'm a pretty pretty clown at that! When we're all old and no longer ambulant, it's this kind of old tales that will keep us laughing ok.. Alright, that's far-fetched; we may be senile by then :p

Anyway, didn't make it to Clap! cos was late for a house party at WS's, near my Grams. Said hi to Grams who was sitting with the grannies as I walked past - she's the best looking granny! We were ten around the table with Tiger and groundnuts (and others la), very fun except that I was so burnt out by 11 that I gave up going to Union and had to ditch the party by 1am. Had eight hours of sleep this time and here I am, refreshed! :)

Happy birthday, Na!

Fri started off with a chill and I was dying in the office. Post-dinner nap cured me enough to step out at 1030pm in party gear, with no idea of destination as an alternative to Thumper came up - CoccoLatte. So I bused to Far East. Couldn't get Na, was hoping she wasn't already pissed at Union :p In the end, I entertained myself for some time at the Far East bus stop, dodging cockroaches and wondering why other people didn't seem to notice the darn things creeping past their feet. Was almost midnight by the time I found CoccoLatte. It hit midnight while we were in the queue - welcome to my age bracket, Na! :) Next I say that we'll all be 30!

Actually I had been looking forward to Fri for some time cos we had agreed to go party for her birthday; I hadn't been out for months, MONTHS. But it didn't turn out too fun. Coccolatte was her friend's suggestion and the music wasn't for her. Then there was unwelcomed company. Lessons learnt: I shall decide by myself and not invite any old cow for my own do. But that's months away so back to this..

We left soon for Momo but no one was too keen to go in. Na seemed a bit gone and my feet were killing me (but I still love my stilettos) so we went to the prata place near Amara before heading back. Oh my cab driver was very nice! He purposely pulled up next to Na's cab at a junction so I could say hi :) Then we talked about cab industry and various, and I stayed on to chat for a couple of minutes after I paid! Grateful for the cheerful company after a dreary evening, kept me awake in the cab.

Thursday, 7 July 2005

a thought

Feel like praying suddenly, to no one in particular, but for all those affected by this sick joke during the G8 Summit and right after the jubilance at the IOC.

"Pray!" She says.
"But.. I don't know how to!"
She smiles, "Just pray."

I'll make a wish then.


Hup informed me about the London blasts. Hope CW has reached his friends.. Logged on first thing I got back to email people. But an email from SL was already in my inbox, relieved to hear from him.. And the rest are online..

I was telling Kel I feel rather sad, one cos I feel close to the place, and two for all the terrorism thing; I don't understand why people can be so sick to do this! He gave what I thought was a very good analogy: there are students who can fail a subject though they are taught the same thing as their classmates; something just doesn't connect at some point, or perhaps something connects wrongly.

I recall the World Cup summer of 2002, when KP and I were in Greece. We were in the islands when we understood roughly from Greek TV that there was some bombing incident near a port, and there were pictures of police manning road blocks and checks. For the last night in Athens, we decided to stay in a hostel instead of a B&B. We arrived at about midnight from Delphi and took a cab to the hostel, but the driver could not get near due to some eerily familiar barricades. The police were turning us away but the hostel owner came to fetch us so we got through after a bag search. We were then told that a bomb went off in the main Athens port; only the bomber was slightly hurt. The police learnt from him that the area was next so they tightened security.

Though we were that close to a suspect area, I didn't feel quite as disturbed as now. Was a little scared but also felt excited. Now that I think about it, I feel bad for feeling so back then.. This time, thousands of miles away, but it feels much closer to my heart. I used to walk around on my own on London streets so freely, guarding only my bag on busy streets and against dodgy men, never thinking one day I may turn to see a bus ripped in half. Or worse. It really doesn't hit until it hits hur?

The serenity of Iffley Road doesn't seem too real suddenly.

Wednesday, 6 July 2005

(~) 22/7

Had a slight obsession with this ratio since secondary school when I realised someone (think was this interesting maths teacher) pasted a looooong printout of pi along the wall of the library. I recall pi to be 3.1415926. Period :p

Read the other day that some guy broke the world record for reciting pi to some tens of thousands of decimal points.. But wait, it only gets better;
NacenteNet linked to this website that gives the number to a freaking million decimal points! Everyone must see!

Btw, 22/7 is not the exact pi ok, hence the ~ I go to
MathWorld to feed my obsession on numbers, esp recreational maths - mf likes :)

Tuesday, 5 July 2005

Received an email invite to some nature trail

I opened the attachment and saw it's Pulau Ubin - got me interested, nice place with nice memories.. Next was cost, $30 for ferry, island exploration and lunch - so ex, sian.. Nvm, I read on, and..

"To register for the trail you should be:
- Single
- Aged between 25 and 35
- A UK Alumni (you have either studied in the UK or via distance learning)"

I say SDU has a long arm! Or perhaps, the SDU is so ingrained in our society that everyone is trying to help fulfil the nation's agenda - hey peeps! Get married and have one two three four kids!

Sure, but how about I say, SHOW ME THE MONEY? Ok, so we've got the Baby Bonus. Then how about you help me feed the screaming babies at 3am?? Sounds vaguely fun only if you're not a working mother..

But of course, first step is to find a partner. Now let's check out SDU - ya, mf's a member, paid not a cent though :p My conclusion? The ladies are generally of a much better quality appearance-wise. Ok ok, mf, don't be shallow.. BUT I AM! :p I compulsively replied to some messages I received - until the grammar and the content, esp of the last message, finally got to me:

"so what research do you do?
and so where has your wanderlust taken you to recently?"

Immediate image is of an ah beng jutting out his chin as he asks questions like "eh, so you want kopi or teh?" Um.. Fine, I'm no ah beng!

So what are you doing after reading my blog? Huh huh? *Chin chin*


The carrot for the majority of Singaporeans to get married early is the oh-so-precious HDB flat cos private housing is just too darn expensive. But carrot seems to be losing its charm if marriage rates and age are anything to go by. I don't need to get married to buy a flat, but I need to be 35 years old plus I'll be limited to resale flats ie old. This sucks. Ok, this is degenerating into my grouches..

HELLO?! 35 is freaking ten years away! Want me to suffocate and go insane and finally die staying where I'm staying now ah?! Reason why I'm blogging in the office at 8pm when I have finished what I want to finish by 740pm is that the only personal space I have in Mother's house is my bed. Which happens to be right next to MZ's freaking TV, positioned nicely to blast crap into my ears if I want to sleep early. And my laptop is placed on the same tea table as the house phone, and I sit on a stool next to it to go online, instantly becoming mosquito feed.

Culturally - and practically, SG being so small and costs are high - we don't move out to live on our own once we start work. But cultures are made by people. And people won't change unless there's motivation, eg cheaper rents? But of course, there's the tight leash held by traditional parents *grumble grumble*

Had dinner with CY and JK las night. Was excitingly telling them my grand plans for my room when the upgrading is finally done - though it hasn't even started fyi. But thinking about it keeps me sane. When I feel like it, I'll draw up a floor plan of my future 6sqft room, and maybe even an artist's impression!

Off to find some food and walk around TPY central - and I won't succumb to Rotiboy!

Sunday, 3 July 2005

A series of random events

Kok has a PhD in Hokkien, ok.. We were at Kbox yesterday with Kel, Tok and YX, and he was real good with the lyrics to the two Hokkien songs we sang! I could only sing some words accurately cos I remembered them, sighs..

It must be the first time we went out to sing, and before you say anything, Kel was the mastermind, not mf :p

A pretty nostalgic session, we went “三月里的小雨 唏沥沥沥沥沥 唏沥沥沥沥沥下个不停!”Remember the 新谣 “细水长流”? Yes, very old song, popularised in 1998 when it was re-sang. I even pasted the lyrics on my locker door as a dedication to my friends. And 周华健's “朋友”? Songs like these never go out of fashion for us :)

Didn't manage to get what I wanted to get but at least YX got his Max Online, same plan as the other three guys, at $58.80. While the guy was doing his sales, I spotted this "SafeSurf" add-on and asked him. "Oh, it's for, like you can prevent your kids from accessing certain websites.." Kids. What kids?! He went on to say something about viruses but no one was listening by then; I was mortified while the guys were laughing. Grrr..

We were seated when Tok noticed some redness around Kel's eyes.

Tok: Kel has been fully utilising his Max Online..
Kok: Ya, must opt out of SafeSurf to access 58.80 movies!
mf: Gaaar!

YX had bah ku teh for dinner while the rest had noodles from the same stall next to our seats, which was right next to the bah ku teh stall. Kel commented that we never even looked around the foodcourt while Kok said sui bian la. Hmmm, seems that we can draw a parallel between choosing food and choosing a partner!

We had a horribly sinful dessert at Seah Street Deli - five of us shared a chocolate decadence, a brownie and a blueberry cheesecake. When the three plates arrived, we thought it wouldn't be enough. "Excuse me, one carrot cake pls!" We cleaned the plates in 20min flat. Steady right? I was subsequently very motivated to wake up at 830am today to go to the gym, though I slept at 230am.

First dance at Union was crap; couldn't catch the beat. After Hup left, Na taught me some leads, damn tough! Left for kopi and I stupidly asked her where I could get Hello Kitty stuff besides the one in Taka. "You want to get my present ah?" D'oh.. Ok, it's got something to do with your birthday la.. Anyway, I found something real apt for my purpose today :)

Was falling asleep in the cab but forced myself to keep awake. Was finally fully conscious when my eyes happened to focus on a WING as I reached my block - I recognised it as a wing from a fluttering thing! Two seconds later, a living one came into view and I stopped dead in my tracks. The next minute saw me whimpering with my hand over my mouth and dashing along the corridor with my eyes more than half closed. I passed a stationary one at the bottom of my staircase, another one on the wall at the top of the stairs and yet another one fluttering about the next narrow staircase! Almost cried.. Another flying one was waiting for me at the top of the stairs. I whimpered across blindly, dug out my keys and opened the door gently so I didn't wake the one right outside my bedroom window. They were gone this morning but Mother pointed out a dead one on the way back just now.. Super so freaked out.. Why were there so many of them?!

Gym class was great today; we were all screaming and jumping about! :) Going to quit at the end of this package cos I'm sinking a lot of money into ballroom. I'm so going to miss this..

First private lesson today, suddenly understood the stress Ally and Dan felt; all attention on us only! But learnt a lot in just an hour, and also realised that there's still lots more to learn..

I prefer the number 9 to 10 but I must say this: Grams looked very cute today :) Felt like hugging her but didn't cos I thought I might freak her out, heh!

Saturday, 2 July 2005

Mission (almost) accomplished!

Yeh yeh, blog fest I know, give me some slack; I wrote nothing but work the whole week!

Got back close to 9pm and set to work on something - don't ask what, I'll reveal with time :) It really tried my patience man! Took like two hours but I'm happy with the result. One more step to completion.. Will go get the final item tomorrow..

Oh, YX is back! Gosh, it's been three years since he last breathed SG air! Very very warm welcome :) See you tomorrow, which marks your inauguration into KLK! :)

Nites, my darlings!

Friday, 1 July 2005

Me time

Thought of some friends the other day and wonder how they are cos I haven't seen them for some time - even CY; sms her only to find out that she went to Yunnan! Then I remember a few more friends whom I haven't seen in a while and I wonder how they are. Another realisation is that I don't have the time to go out with everyone - well, unless we all meet on one day which is quite impossible logistically, not to mention weird. That aside, I also realise I have no me time!!

Me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me!

Writing (and counting) "me" 31 times is not me time.

I can't remember the last time I stayed in just to nua, meaning watch VCD, listen and sing and shake to my music, read a bit, sketch a bit, cook a bit, just rest; no make-up, no need to change out of pyjamas, no need to be one of millions among the weekend crowd.

I wonder if these friends wonder how I am..

Maybe I'll drop them an sms to say hi, not that hard.. Or, is it?

slow.. quick quick slow.. mf's inspiration

Finally I'm able to blog on my very first ballroom competition! As spectator la, and live, cos I watched on TV before and was totally awed both counts..

Sunday, 26 Jun 2005, was the 7th Stardust Dancesports Grand Prix. Ally and Dan took part in beginner waltz, quickstep and tango, achieving 7th place for quickstep! *Applause*

I'm the, ahem, official photographer, but with the lighting being crap and dancers twirling around so fast, the photos didn't turn out very nice =( This is a nice one though, finally a bit more relaxed :)

Psst, also check out the latin dancers in the background; the guy partnering the girl in green right behind Ally was a very cute boy :p

Can't remember all the details now as I had to clear hdd space in head for work but I won't forget how the whole thing inspired me, seeing so many dancers congregate and doing so well.. Plus the two only started dancing in Jan/Feb and with hard work, and look, they're now competing. I started in the winter of 2001, stopped after half a year before picking it up again in Jan this year. I haven't been able to get a fixed partner - Hup only wants to do it socially, Sito says I'm too tall. But after Sunday, think we're all so inspired to do more that we're starting private lessons this Sunday, yeah!!

Sunday night, with all that dancing vibes in me, I practised salsa in front of the mirror, all the shines and styling. Still quite ugly :p but have to try and try. Think some latin lessons may do me good :) But for now, I'm looking forward to Sunday! Will be tough I think but I've got to work hard for what I want..

PS: Welcome back, CY! After talking with you just now, I realise my Jul is going to repeat May and Aug, Jun! Sucks, but we'll catch up asap :)

Long time no blog!

Jason beeped that he couldn't make it for both lunch and healthy lifestyle yesterday and when I told Joyce the organiser, she made a weeping action..

mf: You made Joyce sad..
Jason: Is my photo still up on the staff directory? Can ask her to look at plum to cure thirst. Haha..
mf: Haha Joyce's having afternoon sickness and it's all your fault!
Jason: I thought she menopause already?
mf: "It's just accumulation of cobweb.." Gee, can't believe this!
Jason: Well, the Chinese get to do spring cleaning once a year. Too bad she's Indian.
mf: I refuse to engage in um, racist talk! Forwarded that to Joyce.
Jason: Better not. Then she asks me to spring clean her cobweb. Then like that how? How?!
mf: ..

We just had a very nice farewell party for Yoga, thanks to dear Joyce. Kind of weird that there's a new guy in his office now though I know posting is inevitable. Really nice to have had him here; he's a great mentor! :)

Somehow, I've always lived in the belief that the make-up of my environment will not change, be it good or bad. Long long time ago, I thought I'd be miserable forever; I'm glad that wasn't true. In JC, I looked forward to school and hoped the two years would stretch and stretch; it didn't but I'm happy that my classmates become such good friends. In Oxford, it felt like I could continue to do the routine forever - study, cook, sleep - but of course I was thrown back to reality after an extended vacation.

And now even into adult hood - define this as when I have to work to support family and myself - at work, I still like to think that my division will always be so fun and ever so wacky! But people left one after another and new people joined too. I can only hope that the fun vibes will always be carried on by us who are still here so we can spread to newbies even as the oldies leave. Gee, like some kind of disease, benign of course :p

On a related note, I don't like farewells, esp soapy ones. I was happy that my farewells had not been soapy, well, maybe twice - once when leaving SG and the other my last flight from UK, both times I felt like I was losing something, the second time being worse.. Perhaps in a way, I take it for granted that oh, we'll always see each other again! Still, what if I never see someone again? If we spend the last minutes together in a drama farewell, it's not something nice for a farewell gift! Might as well be cheery :)

Anyway, I'm glad it's now Fri which means I've survived yet another siong week! Sunday was great - my next entry :) - but it didn't warn me of Mon when I had to work real late and missed my gym class. Yesterday afternoon was a short lull period so I went for the healthy lifestyle event - badminton and table tennis! Real fun but combined with dancing in the evening, my butt and thighs are hurting real bad right now..

Today passed in a flash - in fact, the whole of June passes in a flash! - with a 2.5hr meeting in the morning and all the follow-up after a late lunch. Oh, as part of the f/u, I couldn't resist ranting to two colleagues on certain work matters; can't write here so must write somewhere:p Hmmm, has blogging become an obsession? I even carved out a corner of pantry board as division musings.. Or maybe I just like to share my fluffy thoughts :)
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