The lead-up to part-time

Written over some time in 2019-2020, lost in drafts for two years, edited in Sep 2022 and back-dated to 2019:

I tried unsuccessfully to quit today (8 Oct 2019). 

I was feeling down in the office and saw that my boss was in early. I decided to go in. She went no no no why? And offered me part-time. 

It is a terrible time seeing as my deputy is leaving in December but my babies have to come first. I do regret not quitting when Sito gave me his blessings last year. 

Last Saturday, Kai had homework that he didn’t know how to do. I guided him and patted his back before turning back to my book. But he asked me in such a nice way, “Mama, can you put your hand on me? It makes me feel better about homework.” 

And was it that night or the night before, I read an article on mumsforlife Facebook, shared by a friend. It was about a mother who had a nervous breakdown or something, some serious depression stuff due to work and family stress, and almost died. The next day, I read another article on the same Facebook shared by the same friend, about a mother who talked about being suicidal in one paragraph before a paragraph that really jolted me - she said she felt like if she died, all her troubles would go away. 

I felt the same way many times in the carpark near my office. There’s a junction with cars criss-crossing. And while I stood there, I thought the same thing. I knew I have been feeling defeated for a while but didn’t realise the extent of this until then. 

I told Sito. I told a friend at work who was a counsellor. We agreed this wasn’t good. 

In fact, it was sheer luck I spoke with my counsellor friend. She asked me out for lunch on Monday for another matter. Then she also reminded me how she took over 10 years away from work to raise her children. It was not perfect but she didn’t regret it. She later came back to the workforce. 

I was also told last Friday that I had been more angsty than a few months ago. 

So many signs. So Tuesday happened. 

So here I am, waiting for the application outcome. If it happens, we will try and see if it works, I.e I’m not working full-time for 2/3 pay. If it doesn’t happen or it doesn’t work, it’s back to plan A. But I’m glad to say that I no longer have those thoughts in the carpark. I still remember it every time I pass by but it’s different. Like Sito says, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel now. Let it be light and not headlights :p

Our littlest turned three!

So happy to see him grow up :) And also very aware that this was the last third birthday for our babies...

It was only 15 Sep but Yu wanted his present from Legoland

Concentrating on opening the packs of bricks

We started the celebrations proper from 5 October. As usual, we celebrated his and Mother's birthdays together. He was rather shy to meet her as usual. I showed him a photo of them celebrating together last year and he warmed up :)

He ordered three little pigs and had one - his first 流沙包 ever!

The party at Canton Paradise

"I want to blow candles!"

Clan Sito +++

Enjoying his new toys

I love this photo!

Some weeks ago, I asked Yu whether he wanted to celebrate his birthday with his friends. His eyes lit up and he said, "Yes! Mama sit with me, Papa sit with me!" Oooh, Papa was named! So Papa had to go to school this time!

Waiting in the reception area for the kids to be ready

Mama's craft on his head - his fave Paw Patrol character!

Yup, it was a girl... And he could name all the dogs on his cake and finally Rider! Gosh, I don't even know their names... And he doesn't get to watch his much! If we watch this, it's in Chinese!

Happy birthday, baby Yu!

With his class

When we walked in, we saw his friends gathered at a rectangular table in front of Yu, who was sitting by himself on this semicircular table, quietly waiting for us. He was so happy to see us, if a tad shy :)

In the days preceding his birthday, when I talked about his celebration in school, he would say cute little things. "Mama hold my hand, Papa hold my hand to cut the cake!" "Cut the cake, and give my friends..." He must have seen many birthday parties hoho!

Serving cake to teachers and friends

He's got the big chocolate!

Yang came over earlier but I sent him back, promising I'd bring him back for cake later

Teacher A showed us Yu's work that day - Papa and Mama were featured as two pairs of eyes!

All home to play!

First boy to complete jigsaw puzzles before three - this was the second time in a week!

I used only words - find the corners.. Is that right? Is that a side? Try turning it around.. So proud of this boy :)

He chose Macs for dinner and ate only a little bit

Very lucky to find a kiddy ride where the lucky but frightened kid had abandoned ride! They got three rides in a row!

The older kids played games instead of driving

We sang happy birthday song at bedtime!

And here we are, with a three-year-old boy who can't wait to go to junior driving school at Legoland! Big boy now :) But big boy still wants me to carry him like a baby, i.e. cradle carry!

And the kids grew yet a little more...

Can't believe it's been only three weeks since we returned from Legoland! Every day is about the same. Every weekend is also about the same except for this one due to birthday celebrations. The kids are still exasperating but at least we get some enjoyable moments with them too :)

And can't believe I'm measuring weeks anchored on Legoland haha!

Kai tried to carry baby Yu - it's lovely only when he's not standing and running with him!

My boys love the TV!

Think this was by Kai - love Yu's pose!

Yu later told me to pose similarly but that shot failed :p

Wearing old swimsuit coz new ones were in the wash after Legoland

Instead of buying our regular pizza for lunch, I made a pizza! Not round but yummier ok...

Yang had a big fat ear from a mozzie bite from Legoland - itchy but cute :p

He was so happy about completing his jigsaw!

Yu also completed one with some help

Iniminimanimo! Just to read books! 

Yang showed me how to move the rings up and down

Yu was very moody one morning at the pool - why, baby?

Don't know why the boys like to throw things under and search for them using a torchlight...

Playing chess like Papa and GeGe

My cutie pie cannot cycle yet but loves to try!

He wanted to squat there while waiting for Papa

An apple as big as his face?!

We sang twinkle twinkle in Chinese :)

两只羊过河 :)

Kai was patting a sleeping Yu while Yang slapped stickers on his back!!

Yu can trace pretty well now!

We headed to Bishan for dinner yesterday - details later - and took the red line. When the announcement for Kranji came on, Yang said, that's keropok station!! Thanks for all sorts of random things, my boys - they make me laugh! :)