Occupation: Parents

14 March, I came across a post on Facebook where a young lady wondered if she should pay her boyfriend who paid for all their meals together. In case anyone is wondering why I get this in my feed, it's from a page which I clicked on before coz kaypoh *.*

In fact, I started getting feeds from this group called Dull Men's Club all of a sudden and after reading a few posts, I also started getting feeds from Dull Women's Club, haha! Um, ya...

But I digress... Back to the 14 March read... Online responses were varied. Personally, I do think it's good to do that coz I did that!

When Sito and I were dating, I made sure I paid for my share of our meals unless either of us made it clear it was a treat, e.g. birthday. Maybe coz I have seen and heard enough of how some girls took advantage of their boyfriends or even just male friends, and I was determined not to be like that. 

When we got married, we had a joint account but it was more to pay for mortgage. Our daily expenses still came out of our own accounts. I can't remember clearly now but each of us probably took turns to pay for groceries and outside meals. We don't keep tabs coz married :)

On hindsight, it was indeed more convenient to charge household stuff like utilities to our own accounts coz we opened and closed a number of joint accounts every time we remortgaged or took out a new one with another bank. The only time we had an all-purpose joint account was when we were in Evanston.

As our family grew, we had more and more joint expenses. All the kids' and household expenses - child development accounts, savings account, payment child care fees and school fees, helper's pay and levy, groceries etc - are paid out of my account. Sito always pays for all the meals when we eat out, unless my credit card has a better deal!

Not uneven although child care fees at one point came up to some $3,500 per month (!) coz Sito gives me a monthly allowance 家用 - can't remember when that started though. Later, when child care fees dropped and dropped, the allowance remains the same, which is helpful now that I'm not working!

I think we are really lucky that we both had a steady income since graduation and could both chip in on daily and major expenses. We are also very lucky - in fact, super blessed - to be able to enjoy simple things in life. There is no lifestyle creep. We used to pack cai fan for dinner on our way home from work when we first got married. Today, we still like cai fan; during school holidays when I don't cook much, cai fan is our choice, much to the kids' chagrin though! 

Years of steady income and our lifestyle have, together, enabled us to be full-time parents now. I stopped working from 2022 and Sito stopped one year later. We have been happily enjoying mornings on school days, going out sometimes. In the afternoons and on non-school days, we work with the kids on their work or just chill. When the kids are sick, there's always someone to bring them home and take care of them at home.

Some say 吃风？Of course cannot jiak hong with three kids in tow!

Our savings are working hard to support our simple lifestyle. Love them T bills in this high interest climate, haha! Sito does other things as well, things I don't quite understand so I shan't say more. 

I think it's important for the kids to know that even though we're not in regular jobs, we're not idle. On school days, we're usually busy with them in the afternoons. Else, they see Papa at work on his laptop. They see Mama busy with laundry, cleaning and cooking. They can't help Papa much but I get them to help with laundry (grudgingly) and cleaning (voluntarily coz dusty or happy coz reward is TV). Yang is interested in helping me cook - maybe when I'm sure he won't anyhow brandish the kitchen knife...!

It's also important for them to understand the value of money. Obviously they don't know yet. Unlike me, they grow up with everything they need and more. Yet, they don't find it enough, kids being kids. So we're planning a hands-on lesson on money management in dining after exams this year. Akan datang...

Last year, after Sito stopped working, Kai thought Papa was rich, coz rich enough to not work. On the other hand, AhMa thought her son was poor, coz not working. We had such a good laugh! Truth is, we're neither; we just have enough. Our jobs indeed allowed material luxuries but gave us no time or energy for each other and the kids. We never needed material luxuries so it was easy to give up work income in exchange for time, time for the things that truly matter.

一寸光阴一寸金，寸金难买寸光阴！

PS: One thought led to another so I had a hard time coming up with the title for this post! After chatting with Sito, I settled on this title. Then he just said our society doesn't consider parents a job, more of a side hustle! Haha!