Kai's first pimples

My Kai is growing up so quickly.

Last night, I came into our room after settling Yang and Yu to find Kai doing a science paper on our bed. Then I saw some red dots on the hairline above his right temple. He said they were there for some time and he popped them!

Gosh, how come I never knew?!!

He said they were also on his scalp. So it looks like he has inherited pimples from Sito *.* I do get pimples - in fact, I have an unprecedented number of pimples on my face now (five) but I got my first pimple when I was 18.

Sito was applying aloe vera gel to his pimples on his scalp while I was teaching Kai how to wash his scalp properly ("yes, I know, you told me") so just nice, gave him a dollop of aloe vera.

So cute.. So poor thing but so cute :)

Two months to 12yo, he's already 160cm. According to a random online calculator, he is expected to hit 187cm based on his current age, height and weight (46kg) combined with Sito and my height. Well, we shall see!

PS: This boy scared me half to death this morning. Usually, he's up when I get up, probably due to my phone alarm. But today, he was asleep. I like him to sleep more so I continued my prep. Then his alarm went off. I expected him to jump up but nope, nothing. At the third ring, I went in to find him motionless in bed. I patted his shoulder and called his name. He didn't move! Wa liao, I shook him harder! Thank goodness, he finally jumped up. Yes, he's two months to 12yo, but I'm no less paranoid.

Y&Y are such good brothers

Yesterday evening, Yu started having a slight runny nose. By bedtime, his eyes looked tired. He was looking forward to his learning journey to the Science Centre today so I told him he should sleep more to get better. I tucked him in and turned off the light early, before Yang came in. Then I went to get Yang in and told him to be quiet as Yu was not feeling well and wanted to sleep early. 

Yang came in, and went straight to Yu to sayang his head :)

As if that didn't melt my heart, Yu stretched out both hands to Yang and said, "Huggy..." And the two shared a hug :)) Yang said, even as he continued to hug his brother, "I hope I don't get runny nose."

Totally melted.. 

And that wasn't all.

Yang then gave Yu a little hammer massage. Yu said Yang was very good at massaging.

When I was lying down with Yang, Yu suddenly said that he would also take care of Yang if he got ill next time.

My heart was so full!

Just a few days ago, I asked Yu whether Yang was a good brother, and he said he was, which I expected coz he didn't think Kai was a good brother *.* But I didn't expect him to add that it was because Yang kissed my belly when he was inside! 

The lovely photo our living room wall - 5 Aug 2016

Yu is out and big now! See them enjoy Milo dinosaur together :)

May these two continue to be good friends and take care of each other :) And may Kai learn to get along well with them at some point too!

Flexible work arrangements - it's a give-and-take

Recently, the government rolled out mandatory guidelines for employees to formally request for flexible work arrangements (FWA) and for employers to fairly consider and respond to such requests within two months.

The intent sounds right. FWAs could allow workers to better manage work and caregiving duties. But from what I read in the news and online comments, there seem to be plenty of misunderstandings and misgivings. And it's not just the employers feeling nervous. More admin, fear of higher business costs, fear of losing employees, fear that employers will hire foreigners instead, fear of upsetting boss and colleagues, fear of taking on more work due to colleagues on FWAs, etc. 

Seems like we have not matured as a society to give moral support to one another. At some point, all of us will face caregiving duties - for the young, for the old, for spouse, for siblings, and even managing our own health. Don't forget pets too! I truly believe that with good support from employers and colleagues, workers can integrate work and family needs.

And many people seem to think that FWAs are just working from home (WFH). But that's not true. The news explain it all but I guess people don't read everything *.* 

But thanks to the pandemic, we're all very familiar with WFH, or more generally, flexi-place, which became the norm for non-essential office workers. Before COVID, my office already allowed it on both ad hoc (e.g. when expecting delivery at new house) and, upon request and approval, regular basis (e.g. every Monday and Thursday). In fact, many office workers already WFH after office hours aka OT *.* Back in the day when I had only dial-up at home, I even worked in Macs for its free WiFi when I got too hungry to continue in ulu office!

 

Now, some offices have embraced the whole flexi-place thing and allow workers to WFH a couple of times a week. And some go further - hotdesking to reduce office space requirements or to accommodate a growing workforce since not everyone goes into office every day. 

I was at RI's place for Raya gathering last last Saturday, and heard that my old haunt would have "permanent hotdesking" in the new office, i.e. you have a fixed seat but it's shared with another chap from other division who comes into office on a day different from you. There was even talk of jacket hooks coz how to put own jacket over chairs when chairs would be shared??

Wa, that totally put me off going back to work. I'm the odd ball who prefers to work in office - more desk space, easier to discuss things with colleagues and aircon. And I'm territorial. I don't like hotdesking. And I don't mind the commute where I could read or just blank out.

See my last office desk - so nice right?

And I stole a stool from a meeting room to put next to my pedestal cabinet (not in picture but at a wall corner on my left) so that people who came to find me could sit there instead of on the floor! My desk then became known as the clinic :p

Ok, I'm digressing... Back to FWAs.

So WFH or flexi-place is probably only applicable to office workers. Client-facing roles for one would not be able to WFH. But there are other forms of FWAs.

My fave is flexi-time. I have been lucky that my work allowed me great flexibility - I used to reach office before 8 am after sending Kai to school and leave promptly at 5.30 pm when my phone alarm went off so that I could fetch Yang and Yu from child care and have dinner with the kids. If an internal meeting over-ran, it was ok if I just up-ed and left. For the rare external meetings past 5.30 pm, I would be there. Once, my alarm went off in a ministerial meeting, oops... 

My bosses had all been very accommodating to my hours. One key reason was trust. And of course, when I left office at 5.30 pm, it didn't mean work ended for me that day. As a full-time office worker, I could leave office but the office would not leave me. Work continued after the kids went to bed... So I switched to flexi-load in my last two years of work.

Actually, it's fixed part-time la - six hours a day, five days a week. Unlike flexi-place and flexi-time, this involved a pay cut. Since there was a pay cut, I guarded my hours too so no more logging in at night for sure! But I would still be there for important meetings, even in the evening. I also took short WhatsApp calls during my off hours if needed.

I was lucky that my bosses and team were supportive. Unfortunately, this is people-dependent so when my direct boss changed and my team also moved on, part-time became unsustainable. So I left work :p

While flexi-time may or may not result in pay cut, flexi-load almost certainly affects pay and in fact, also progression.

However, I do believe you cannot have your cake and eat it too. Really, cannot. If you want to manage work and family needs, something must give. With flexi-time, I had less leisure or even sleep time for myself. When I was on part-time, I was very aware that while I could keep up my quality of work, I was unlikely to be promoted not lest due to the longer time to achieve the required years-in-grade but also because others were putting in double the effort. And that is fine by me.

I was thinking about this on my way to the supermarket last Friday and wondered whether there were jobs that simply could not do FWAs. At first, I thought of teachers - school hours are more or less fixed; timetabling based on students' subject combinations is already challenging. But then I recall YC who told me her school let her skip assembly so that she could send her children to child care, which started ops from 7 am. She was still taking full load.

Point is, FWAs don't have to mean huge changes; small changes or some flexibility can already be helpful. 

Love-hate relationship with books

My early years were not accompanied by books. I remember reading Mother's pregnancy books - in Chinese. There was nothing else. 

I discovered the library at eight years old and never looked back. Back then, each cardholder could borrow up to four books. So I devoured 20 kiddy books every three weeks. This reduced as my siblings wanted to borrow their own books and as I progressed to wordier books.

I read a lot in my school years. I was reading a Nancy Drew book while waiting for a PSLE paper and a nasty girl commented that people were revising. Hello, I wasn't disturbing you and I was done with revision. Happy to score better than her, ha!

In secondary school, CY and I met every two weeks or so to go to the library (and eat at KFC and window-shop at the emporium). By then, I had graduated from endless fairy tales and Nancy Drew, to Agatha Christie and Danielle Steel.

I was still reading in JC despite higher academic demands. GP lessons in year 1 - what is the meaning of life? Discuss - were a great time to read Jin Yong, haha! 

I continued to read after leaving school. I remember going from my relief teaching work to scholarship interview with a book in my hand and referring to the book during the interview! 

I had way less time in university coz I must also play (and study). But I still managed to read all the David Eddings books after a recommendation from a schoolmate. 

When I started working, I still went to the library for books. But as work consumed me, it was sporadic. I think I only read Harry Potter and Jeffrey Archer. And I confessed I probably watched more drama in Evanston than read books.

After kids, I rarely read hardcopy books; it was mostly ebooks on Libby or online novels. More convenient and I can choose bigger fonts!

Most recently, I finished The Clifton Chronicles on Libby - seven books - in 13 days. It made me realised - again - that I can be really obsessive. Really 没日没夜地读！Apart from mandatory work like with the kids, cooking and toilet cleaning, I did nothing else but read. The same thing happened with the many books I read in the past few years.

I have decided that I shall not pick up a book for the next year. Else I'll leave too many things undone! Like I really wanted to finish up some butter by making cinnamon rolls but I must read. I wanted to cook something different but need to research and I must read. I wanted to sort out memorabilia but I must read.

Really, I love reading for the stories of the lives of many different characters but hate it for missing out of my own life. Conflict...

PS: I realised I wrote a bit about reading before. Again, I wish the kids would read more age-appropriate books...

Buzzwords

Sus

INFORMAL
adjective: giving the impression that something is questionable or dishonest; suspicious.

That was the first thing I got when I keyed "define sus" in all-knowing Google.

Scrolled further and I saw that this word was popularised by the game Among Us and TikTok. I don't play that game, I don't use TikTok. Yes, quite a dinosaur coz apparently kids these days are well acquainted with the term.

In fact, my kids - and I'm sure others' too - took it beyond the above definition to refer to sexual stuff. But that's a separate story altogether which I may or may not write about in future. Yeah, I'm sus too. Am I? Am I using "sus" correctly??

I've had random thoughts about buzzwords for some time. It began years back when I first heard Kai say "easy peasy lemon squeezy" in preschool. It took me a while to realise that's the current generation's version of sap sap sui.

There's also "liar liar pants on fire". Sounds so civilised. But "cut queue, barbeque, never say thank you" is less so though still way better than Hokkien expletives involving private parts *.*

Actually, many of the buzzwords and playground rhymes over 30 years ago, from an expression to scolding people, from games to even learning, include or evolve from one dialect or another. Off hand, I can remember "ABC, kiap cai char loti..." - this doesn't bear continuing but it's to scold people :p

But recently, I wonder if the English-speaking kids in my time used totally different buzzwords from the Chinese/dialect-speaking kids like me. 

This came about when Sito and I were talking about similar triangles while one of us was marking Kai's paper, and I mentioned the auntie with big feet who taught us trigonometry - TOA CAH SOH. What a surprise I had when I learnt that Sito did not learn trigo from this auntie! If you look here, you have to agree that Hokkien is the way to go man!

Anyway, it's for sure that my kids will not understand or appreciate the buzzwords I used to hear. Maybe they may at a later point in time. Maybe TOA CAH SOH very soon. Maybe. But now, I get that most things will be "sus".

My boys - too bright to be sus?

Did I use that word correctly??

Occupation: Parents

14 March, I came across a post on Facebook where a young lady wondered if she should pay her boyfriend who paid for all their meals together. In case anyone is wondering why I get this in my feed, it's from a page which I clicked on before coz kaypoh *.*

In fact, I started getting feeds from this group called Dull Men's Club all of a sudden and after reading a few posts, I also started getting feeds from Dull Women's Club, haha! Um, ya...

But I digress... Back to the 14 March read... Online responses were varied. Personally, I do think it's good to do that coz I did that!

When Sito and I were dating, I made sure I paid for my share of our meals unless either of us made it clear it was a treat, e.g. birthday. Maybe coz I have seen and heard enough of how some girls took advantage of their boyfriends or even just male friends, and I was determined not to be like that. 

When we got married, we had a joint account but it was more to pay for mortgage. Our daily expenses still came out of our own accounts. I can't remember clearly now but each of us probably took turns to pay for groceries and outside meals. We don't keep tabs coz married :)

On hindsight, it was indeed more convenient to charge household stuff like utilities to our own accounts coz we opened and closed a number of joint accounts every time we remortgaged or took out a new one with another bank. The only time we had an all-purpose joint account was when we were in Evanston.

As our family grew, we had more and more joint expenses. All the kids' and household expenses - child development accounts, savings account, payment child care fees and school fees, helper's pay and levy, groceries etc - are paid out of my account. Sito always pays for all the meals when we eat out, unless my credit card has a better deal!

Not uneven although child care fees at one point came up to some $3,500 per month (!) coz Sito gives me a monthly allowance 家用 - can't remember when that started though. Later, when child care fees dropped and dropped, the allowance remains the same, which is helpful now that I'm not working!

I think we are really lucky that we both had a steady income since graduation and could both chip in on daily and major expenses. We are also very lucky - in fact, super blessed - to be able to enjoy simple things in life. There is no lifestyle creep. We used to pack cai fan for dinner on our way home from work when we first got married. Today, we still like cai fan; during school holidays when I don't cook much, cai fan is our choice, much to the kids' chagrin though! 

Years of steady income and our lifestyle have, together, enabled us to be full-time parents now. I stopped working from 2022 and Sito stopped one year later. We have been happily enjoying mornings on school days, going out sometimes. In the afternoons and on non-school days, we work with the kids on their work or just chill. When the kids are sick, there's always someone to bring them home and take care of them at home.

Some say 吃风？Of course cannot jiak hong with three kids in tow!

Our savings are working hard to support our simple lifestyle. Love them T bills in this high interest climate, haha! Sito does other things as well, things I don't quite understand so I shan't say more. 

I think it's important for the kids to know that even though we're not in regular jobs, we're not idle. On school days, we're usually busy with them in the afternoons. Else, they see Papa at work on his laptop. They see Mama busy with laundry, cleaning and cooking. They can't help Papa much but I get them to help with laundry (grudgingly) and cleaning (voluntarily coz dusty or happy coz reward is TV). Yang is interested in helping me cook - maybe when I'm sure he won't anyhow brandish the kitchen knife...!

It's also important for them to understand the value of money. Obviously they don't know yet. Unlike me, they grow up with everything they need and more. Yet, they don't find it enough, kids being kids. So we're planning a hands-on lesson on money management in dining after exams this year. Akan datang...

Last year, after Sito stopped working, Kai thought Papa was rich, coz rich enough to not work. On the other hand, AhMa thought her son was poor, coz not working. We had such a good laugh! Truth is, we're neither; we just have enough. Our jobs indeed allowed material luxuries but gave us no time or energy for each other and the kids. We never needed material luxuries so it was easy to give up work income in exchange for time, time for the things that truly matter.

一寸光阴一寸金，寸金难买寸光阴！

PS: One thought led to another so I had a hard time coming up with the title for this post! After chatting with Sito, I settled on this title. Then he just said our society doesn't consider parents a job, more of a side hustle! Haha!

Easter bunnies

话说，有六只可爱的小兔子，不知什么原因被困在荷兰区的一个祖屋单位里。他们利用能源感应把他们看到的告诉小主人，希望小主人能够凭着这些线索找到它们。

兔子：这里好暗啊！小主人，快来救救我们吧！

1. 周围都是一些学校用的东西。咦？那是笔记型电脑吗？(Kai's desk cabinet)
2. 这个看起来很好吃…… 那个看起来也很好吃…… 怎么打不开呢？这个，小主人先别来救我… (snack drawer coz Kai likes to snack)
3. 听写？这里怎么会有听写？！我不要！快放我出去！(Yang's desk cabinet)
4. 我感应到危险……啊！什么东西这么尖？！还是躲一边等救命吧！(cooking drawer coz Yang likes to help me cook)
5. 真可爱！啾！喂，我困在这里挺无聊的，陪我说说话吧！等等，你身上怎么有钞票的味道？！(Yu's desk cabinet - his Pikuchu pouch contains his savings)
6. 这些五颜六色的东西看起来好好玩哦！做一辆小汽车？嗨，不对！我在等救命，玩什么玩？！(Lego cabinet coz Yu's been playing Lego with his bros recently)

:)

This year, I didn't find the chocolate eggs I got last year. So I bought chocolate bunnies instead and made a little game for the boys. I'm both narrator and bunnies as I read the clues to them. Tried to 投其所好 to make it easy. Fun? :)

I think Yang and Yu definitely enjoyed it. As usual, and I should really have braced myself for it, Kai got upset coz he thought his clues were difficult. 

Looking everywhere...

奶爸 getting milk for them to have with their chocolate

Ok, think that's the limit of my creativity! Maybe just give them chocolate directly next year *.*

An encouraging song, but not useful

Two weeks ago, we were watching TV in the living room when I somehow had to go to our room. As I walked in, I saw a small lizard on the floor near the door. It looked like the one hiding in our study. It saw me and crawled back in. I followed it while asking Sito to bring a box. But the lizard changed direction and aimed for our bed! 

We couldn't get it out - it was on the floor under the middle of our bed. Then, it crawled to a leg. I tried to trap it with the box but missed. 

And then it disappeared!!!!!!

My heart sank. I would have to sleep with a lizard hiding under the bed. It may come out at night. Would it go on the bed? Horror of horrors!!

I felt so sian and was scared to sleep. Then a song popped into my head. I changed the lyrics to suit my situation, as a form of encouragement. But I kept waking up at night, sighs...

A couple of days later, I spotted a small lizard at the dining area. Looked like the same one. I could sleep better but dining area 🤮 It refused to fall into the lizard trap after five days. Then I saw a small lizard going into the gap between the bookshelf and the skirting - it was fairer so I thought it molted. But a couple of days on, I saw the darker one at the dining area again. Two lizards!!!!!!

I want to cry.

This morning, I spotted a small lizard near the fridge. Didn't see the colour clearly. In any case, I'll leave the lizard trap there. Save my time moving it out of our robot mop's way.

Anyway, here's the song:

*** *** ***

I’m so afraid, I’m so petrified
Thinking I would sleep with you right under my bed
And after spending hours
Thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
And I learnt how to get along

Now you're back
From I don’t know where
And I find you here
With that empty look on your face
I should've whacked you with a mop
Or let you crawl along
If I'd've known for a second
You'd be hiding in my bed

Go on, go, walk out the door
Turn around now
You're not welcome anymore
You're the one who tried to scare me with a hi
Think I'd crumble?
You think I'd lay down and die?

No, not I, I will survive
Long as I know how to sleep, I know I'll stay alive
I've got whole night to sleep
And the hub is by my side
I will survive
I will survive!