In my hands

This morning, I did something I had been resisting - I went for a tarot card reading.

And I never thought I would go for it cos I'm confused over what to do with my career, if I had one in the first place.

Results? Good and bad. But it all lies with me..

Was doing my JLPT homework when I heard this song. I like. Seems to be the song of my today.

Ordinary Day
Vanessa Carlton

Just a day, just an ordinary day
Just trying to get by
Just a boy, just an ordinary boy
But he was looking to the sky
And as he asked if I would come along
I started to realise that everyday he finds
Just what he's looking for
Like a shooting star he shines

He said take my hand, live while you can
Don't you see your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand

And as he spoke, he spoke ordinary words
Although they did not feel
For I felt what I had not felt before
And you'd swear those words could heal
And as I looked up into those eyes
His vision borrows mine
And I know he's no stranger
For I feel I've held him for all of time

And he said take my hand, live while you can
Don't you see your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand
In the palm of your hand

Please come with me, see what I see
Touch the stars for time will not flee
Time will not flee
Can you see?

Just a dream, just an ordinary dream
As I wake in bed
And the boy, that ordinary boy
Or was it all in my head?
Did he ask if I would come along
It all seemed so real
But as I looked to the door
I saw that boy standing there with a deal

And he said take my hand, live while you can
Don't you see all your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand
In the palm of your hand, in the palm of your hand

Just a day, just an ordinary day
Just trying to get by
Just a boy, just an ordinary boy
But he was looking to the sky

For interpretation

I had a terrible, terrible dream last night!

Came to this deserted field during some backpacking trip or something. And my travel mates were talking about "bounds" in this area..

As I was seeking clarifications on what they were, two appeared - the tiger-like creatures were hanging eerily in the air just in front of us, as if they just leapt backwards into the air. And when they hit the ground, they transformed!

One still looked like a tiger, but the head became smaller and the body longer. Some guy whispered that this type would bite! So as it was crawling past us, we stood still... But someone had to go disturb it! So it finally turned.. and.. I forgot :p Attacked the guy or something but subsequently, same guy killed one of those "bounds" and got himself some £5,000 of reward!

The other "bound" kind of melted into the ground. There seemed to be some dead things around me at that point but it was blurred.. Suddenly, I was alone. Scared, I left the field only to find myself in my, um, living room *.* The floor suddenly started to sprout green bits, like ribbons - actually more like green chocolate shavings.. As I was trying to leave my living room, I started to sprout too! Green chocolate shavings coming out of my fingers =(

I ran downstairs, I felt like something was at the right of my neck - must be sprouting there too! And I felt like I was going to die! Then someone cut my finger open like a hotdog to let the blood out or something - I didn't see blood but I stopped sprouting :p

End of dream..

Some time today in the office, I suddenly remembered this dream. Told Sito just now and when I got to the sprouting green chocolate shavings part..

Sito: You have been affected by the caterpillar!

...

HE WAS RIGHT! The green chocolate shavings were of the same shade of green as the caterpillar ON MY BLOUSE!

Yesterday, I thought I walked into some spider web on the way to the MRT station but it was common so I didn't bother much. Then the right side of my neck felt itchy and I gave it a flick and continued with solitaire. It was some five minutes later that I saw the caterpillar on me. I screeched and thankfully, Sito flicked it off me. It was quite small but it was quite gross..

Anyway, good to know why I dreamt I was sprouting greens.. Although the tiger one remained a mystery.. £5,000 must be due to the nice exchange rate these days :p

Actually, I haven't had such vivid dreams for some time. Used to dream a lot while in college. And I would relate them to G! :p Perhaps they only come to me when my mind is idle relaxed..

Yes, I have been more relaxed these days. been lunching with my colleagues these two days. Yesterday, went to Bakerzin with TO, DC and JT - talked about babies. Today, had lunch in the meeting room with DC, JT and AK - talked about babies :p And men, hmmm...!

Much as I prefer a quick lunch so that I could finish work and go home, I do enjoy such times with the ladies :) I hope things will stay peaceful for me.. See, I'm blogging now! :p

By the way, 3 November has come and gone again - this time, I wore the dress I wore on my first day of work on 3 Nov 2003. Now, I look forward to 3 Nov 2009 :)

From a skirt (or two)

Ok, mf did what she thought was a rather auntie thing - she bought two skirts of the same design in different colours :p

Why?
1) $39 per piece before 10% discount
2) And hey, they are decent-looking - in fact, they hug my butt really well! =p
3) I fit into M instead of L

And, of course, I really want need some new clothes!

These should be considered mid-range in my wardrobe. I have tops ranging from $5 to US$80.. There's a pair of $10 berms - bought in Tomato Town almost ten years ago and $1 cheaper than the exact same pair (three sizes smaller) Na bought in her town! - that I'm still wearing today. Most expensive skirt cost me about US$80 too. I think I have nothing more expensive than that... Am I considered low maintenance? :p

*Update a month later*
I forgot that I also had a $600 pant suit. Outlier? :p

Just thinking that actually we can get very decent stuff in Singapore at very decent prices. I guess I know that all along but I did not fully appreciate this until I heard this from Tok's gf a couple of weeks ago. She is from China, a land perceived to be full of cheap labour and cheap buys.

The cheap labour part is true - AA told me construction workers in China could have only two 馒头 and plain water for lunch while I saw our foreign workers here in coffee shops having 菜饭..

Not sure about the cheap buys though. I did buy a $0.50 phone charm by the road in Shanghai but in the shops, most things cost about the same as any developed country. And, like what Tok's gf said, you can't get decent stuff like Charles & Keith shoes at Charles & Keith prices. (And there are even cheaper shoes of decent quality if you know where to look..)

Digression: Cheap labour and expensive goods don't quite gel - income gap? Foreigners? Well, I leave that to smarter people to think about.. mfism is about things close to mf's heart..

So, yes, I am saying that I really appreciate where I am now, and contented with my lot.

YET, there are people - not sure if they are the majority or minority - who find that Singapore is expensive, that living costs are high. Some time in June or July this year, some forum letters mentioned how it was cheaper to live in Sweden.. I could hardly believe my eyes cos I remembered paying more than 20% in GST when I was there in 2000! Google and you will find that the Swedish can pay more than 50% of their pay in tax!

Yes, you get social benefits in return for your taxes but the high-income are effectively subsidising the low-income. Well, shoot me but I'm not inclined to pay for the low-income. I simply do not believe that all the low-income people are worth helping - have you noticed how some supposedly "low-income" people are burning money away on cigarettes? And I unfortunately know someone like that.. For those who truly need help because they are unable to work for income, help is available but I believe some outreach may be necessary cos they may not be aware of assistance schemes. In any case, I'm certainly not alone: http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/12/05/business/labor.php

I believe that living costs are really really a reflection of the standard of living. In Singapore, it is possible to decide on a standard of living that commensurates with our income, rather than the other way round. If you're rich, anything goes. If you're poor, go wet market instead of supermarkets, eat at hawker centres instead of restaurants, no 40-inch TV, use the same mobile for as long as possible, and you really shouldn't smoke..

Digression (again): I cannot understand why people keep changing phones! Since 2003, my most expensive phone is my current Pinky (dopod) and I'm proud that it is now more than two years old.. Before that, I had $0 phones and a $80 phone.

And since I'm on it, the other oft heard comment is that Singapore is boring. So I'm thinking, outside of working hours, what do I do here in Singapore? Movies, eating, meeting friends, ktv, shopping, web surfing, reading, studying, dancing, excursions to museums/zoo/Sentosa/etc, and all my weeknights and weekends are booked for months! I go travelling too, to the many places well accessible from this little country. So, boring? I don't think so... Unless you crave country life, meadows, snowy mountains, city life doesn't get any better than this.

Wait, I correct myself: some Asian countries are more happening, but they are also more expensive, e.g. more than 10,000 yen to get from Tokyo station to a residential area after metro hours, and nowhere as clean or safe - yes, hygiene factors are important too..

Some time ago, WT commented that he thought of emigrating down under - cheaper, social benefits, get a bigger house, have a car, rolling mountains etc.. I had the chance to speak with some young Singaporeans living in Melbourne the other day. They wanted to come back after their studies. I mentioned how some Singaporeans commented on moving to Australia for a better life, and they said, "They have to live here to compare."

Perhaps they are young and prefer more excitement. Perhaps the older people, those with families, prefer a more relaxed pace. Ultimately, wherever you choose to call home, the key factor should be whether you feel at home there, rather than whether the country provides you with the best benefits.

mf: How does it go now... 外国的月亮比较圆?
Sito: The grass is greener on the other side...
mf: .. You're right..

So, I will settle for Singapore. Not that I am content to stay in Singapore forever. I would like to go experience life elsewhere, but for a while. Ultimately, this is the only place I can go without checking if it is going to hail or freeze, wear my mini-mini skirts in December, find yummy food at 3am, get home safely at night with $15 on a cab, and of course, get a decent wardrobe at a decent price :)

音乐呢?

星期天刚从墨尔本回来，虽不是第一次出国，却是头一回在走出机场闸门时有一股强烈的回家的感觉。或许是因为那代表一连串的工作终于忙完了吧。又或者是因为他来接我 :)

昨天，半休息半在家里工作，轻松得很。今天，虽因工作迟归，但感觉也很轻松。归途中，哼着轻快的曲子，甚至乐得举起双手在房里乱跳，弄得吊灯猛晃！

情况和三、四个月前差得可远了。

某天，在办公室累了一天，在从地铁站徒步到家的那五分钟里，惊觉音乐竟在不觉中悄然离去。那时，大概有半年没有K歌了，连哼唱也只是含糊两句。别说唱歌了，甚至有几回带上了耳机却忘了扭开音乐；有几次出远门都懒得带musical pinky。

当时想起来，其实还蛮想唱歌的。只是太忙了，忙累了，根本提不起劲儿早起去K Lunch，也不想因为K歌而晚归。六月中，喉咙啊、肺啊都生病了，咳了两个多礼拜，就连哼那含糊的两句也不行。加上可怕的工作侵蚀了我大部分的时间，渐渐的，我也忘了哼哼唱唱。

有一点难过，毕竟音乐陪我走过了多少岁月－无忧的童年，犹豫的青春，挥霍的年少⋯⋯

不过，没有音乐的日子总算过去了！去澳洲前和同事去K歌，算是给自己庆祝完成了一项大工程。更高兴的是今天早上刚到办公室时，忽然不自觉地哼起一首旧曲，唱了几句忘了词，才赫然发现我在唱歌！感觉⋯⋯真棒！接下来，CY，要去K歌喔！:)

In short, I went to Melbourne and back! More later..

Randoms

Sito would say sometimes, "I don't know what's going through your head.."

Well, I'll share some thoughts and fluff now, a collection of stuff since earlier this year..

1) What sustains mf
Have I mentioned how Mother was commenting - negatively - on my panda eyes? Well, it's not just her now. Walked by a couple of counters and was accosted by sales asking me if I would like some eye gel/cream..

O_O

Now I have a morning eye gel for puffiness and the panda effect plus a night cream for fine lines. Mother broke the eye gel some weeks ago and I had to - I just had to! - go buy it amid my busiest period. They proved their worth, cos during the couple of weeks when I was sleeping at 3-4 am, people still said I looked fresh! And if products kept me pretty, Berocca kept me alert and helped me survive those days on very little sleep..

2) What irks mf
On the topic of tanning with Kel. Said I needed to tan my legs cos they were too pasty.

Kel: Well, 猪脚濡之前是白色的..

Idiot.

Just a while back, on one tired evening when he dragged YX, WX and mf halfway through City Hall, I was so tired I could barely walk and he simply went, "提起你的大蹄向前走!"

And all these cos his NS friends saw me once and thought my legs fat and strong enough to 踢死一只马 or something! =(

3) What feeds mf
Recently, I believe that you could change food preference through sheer habit.

I didn't like cooked fish a lot. Perhaps cos Mother used to give us plenty of steamed or fried pomfret. Or a couple of other fish. All yucky. Once I refilled my rice so I could enjoy my rice without the taste of fish! But mostly, I would pretend to have bitten on a bone and spit out chunks of half-chewed fish she wasn't going to check, or be a messy eater :p

Fell in love with smoked/raw fish after my Scandinavian trip. It's been sushi and sashimi mostly since then though I do take a few bites of the fish at wedding dinners - Sito said perhaps I liked oily fish..

But lately, for health's and vanity's sake, I have been trying to have only fish for meat on weekdays. No money for sushi every day but the porridge with raw fish slices is a good substitute. But I'm not really for the porridge. So I'm opting for fish beehoon mostly. Cooked fish! The aversion died after a few bowls of hearty fish soup :)

4) What bewilders mf
Some time in mid year, I kept feeling restless and uncomfortable. PMS? But food didn't help *.*

Then I recalled an article I read in Cosmopolitan years back: Menopause could begin as early as the late 20s or 30s - I could not remember which so I did a search..

35, says this article - phew! Though it's only seven years away..

And Sito just called me a middle-aged hen - 中年母鸡?! Cos "it's middle age from 25 to 65!" *.*

5) What outrages mf('s modesty)
I was violated that other day.

Was undressing for a shower when I happened to look up and saw this huge lizard o.o staring back at me O_O

Enjoying time

This is the first quiet weekend in the long while.

:)

- Resumed dancing yesterday
- Pampered myself with a pedicure, a facial and foot reflexology
- Visited Grams finally
- Ironed 70% of some four weeks of laundry

Trying to get my life back to normal.. More updates later..

*******************************

Grams came out of the shower and stood near me, looking at plants.

mf: Ahmah, li jin pang :)
Grams: *cannot hear*
mf: =D

I cut my hair

Took some eight inches off my waist-length hair today.

A little sad at the loss but I really want to demostrate that there are major things that I can still control and not at the expense of sleep.

I have been trading sleep and energy to balance work, social and personal commitments. And I haven't seen my Grams for more than a month.

mf, endure..

Skrik

Busy bee me

It's confirmed - I have 21 pairs of shoes :p

Spent a few hours assembling a shoe wheel and cleaning and packing in my shoes. I'm happy :)

Lugged the shoe wheel back on Thursday while out with CY. It was quite heavy and of course we headed for the cab. But we were unlucky - we were attacked by a cockroach in the cab! Had to keep shifting with the big shoe wheel box in between us to accommodate the scary pest. Good thing we were almost home...

I was very hardworking yesterday - went to help Sito arrange his books etc. But only for a while :p Ended up reading his stuff..

For example, his old 作文簿!


And a new found favourite comic book :)

(Oh, notice my nicely manicured finger? :))

..while he buzzed about his tons of books..

(These are only maybe 20%)

Sinned with a huge supper but no regrets cos I ended up working on my laptop until 5 am *.* Woke at 1.30 pm today :)

I should really start to write about my latest trip.. Later!

Toilet talk

Was in a long toilet queue today but managed to jump ahead two women cos the latest available cubicle had a squatting pan.

Why do people prefer the sitting pan to the squatting pan? Some possible reasons:

1) Too old to squat - that's why Grams has a sitting pan after using a squatting pan for 70 years
2) Floor is usually wetter in a squatting pan cubicle - I try not to think about the nature of the liquid..
3) Some people read while shitting - and it's difficult to hold a book while trying to balance!
4) Simply habitual - I guess many younger people these days grow up with only a sitting pan at home

I have one reason for preferring the squatting pan to the sitting pan in public toilets - I'm not letting my bare silky skin touch something unsanitised for the last 100 s(h)its! And wait a minute, are those spots of water or urine on the seat?!

So, what do you prefer?

At a terminal in T1 near gate C15

Our holiday has been shortened by 30 minutes cos the flight was delayed re-timed..

So we're challenging each other to word twist in Facebook! :p

But before I play, a random observation by Sito:

mf looks like Li Bing Bing..

I could just hear various exclamations of disbelief or wow or puking sound, but I'm happy :)

Reference picture? Her side profile for Mont Blanc..

天下无不散之宴席

It seems only not that long ago when we were squatting in Thomson, moving from one building to the next, adding staff slowly - two in January, one in May, one in June. And now, we have our own office, renovated once for expansion.

In terms of staff, SF came and left, DC came and left and came back again, and just yesterday, LY left. For SF and DC, perhaps it was only one year each, I didn't feel quite sad but this time, with LY's departure, it really felt like a bit of the original troop was just..gone..

LY said she wouldn't cry. But I did =( How embarassing since I'm such a tap..

Looking back, we had a lot of memorable - good and bad - times together. Actually, the bad times for us referred to mostly two paricular weeks in April 2007 :p Even COS was great fun! Last year, even though there were only so few of us, we worked and played hard, laughing over things I should not mention here (:p) and celebrating LY's birthday the night before the speech, inevitably staying past midnight.

We were saying at the farewell lunch yesterday that next COS, we wouldn't be celebrating LY's birthday anymore.. No COS for her, no birthday celebration for us, and for me, no more familiar "小妹妹!"..

But I'm glad for her cos this is what she wants - to go home. I want to go home too but I have delayed the trip for another year cos I also want to finish my pet project.

I do like this place. Supportive bosses, nice colleagues, good environment, exciting work. But I don't think I can stay here for too long. My pet project will finish and I'm not sure I'm as keen on the maintenance part. Work, no matter how exciting, can also lose its lustre after a while, as I just realised this week for one particular issue..

Was at a course one day where we were asked to place money, recognition, job satisfaction, work-life balance.

1) Money: Enough. I don't need more though I wouldn't mind more :p
2) Recognition: Happy. In fact, I don't really care except that it has an impact on my bonus :p
3) Job satisfaction: Yes but this is odd cos I've not yet seen any major work of mine come to fruition.. But that'll happen soon - that's why I'm working so much...
4) Work-life balance: Not too happy. I mean, I can take leave as and when I need, and I have a life outside work. But I'm afraid I'm getting rather hassled by and even pre-occupied with work. Sometimes, I have to make myself go home; other times, I want to leave while there's still some daylight but I just can't. Recently, I'm unable to go out on Saturdays and Sundays without checking my emails in the morning in case I miss anything, and at night, I'll take a look too. I believe that work-life balance is a personal choice, but I'm feeling like I'm losing the ability to choose.

Not difficult to guess that I placed (4) as most important to me. For now, guess will make do with whatever work-life balance ratio trade-off I can get - I have been working my ass off so that I could hand things over nicely when I go on a holiday next week. I'm sure when I come back, it's going to be worse. I always find it such an irony that the holiday is not really a holiday. There is always work; you don't end up doing less work cos you're just cramping the work within a shorter timeframe before and after the work blackhole so that there is also life.

Anyway, I've digressed too much. I should really go do some work while I have some time. Be back in June..

May Day! =) May Day! =(

I like public holidays :)

This May Day, I had a nice brunch with LS, G and SX. Jon was held up but we managed to meet him when he came down to meet LS and this interesting junior of ours.

I like brunch. It always has this leisurely feel to it.. You know, not waking up early enough for breakfast, and yet after brunch, there is still time to do other things :p

Went to find Sito to go to Istana for the open house. This was my second time in Istana during open house. First time was some years ago, also on May Day and damn hot..

BUT, the guard at the queue refused to let us in cos Sito was wearing slippers.

Now, we understood why - proper attire for respect for the official residence of the head of state, etc. Fair enough. So let me rephrase the above: the guard at the queue refused to let us in cos Sito was wearing slippers even though some guy just walked out of Istana wearing slippers - why could he go in?!

The guard remained nonchalant even when we pointed out the guy to him. Well, fine, we accepted the rules. So we went to Carrefour and got a pair of shoes of the wrong size at $20 just so we could go in. And guess what? There was no guard when we returned! No one enforcing the so-called rules!

The best part was when we saw other guys in similar get-up as Sito - tee, berms, slippers - in Istana grounds.



(left edge, camera was slow :p)


What's with the inconsistency with the attire rule?!

We don't like unfair treatment and inconsistency in the enforcement of such rules. In fact, before we went, we had checked the website to see if there were any dress code and there was no info on that =(

Nonetheless, we had some fun going around - even though it was so damn hot.. We even bought Istana collar pins! Oooh...

I like collar pins. I have a duffel bag stuck full of collar pins - plus one now :)