Home alone this week

I really shouldn't be blogging but I'm pretty sick of reading notes *.*

And it's been some Sunday today...

First, we woke at 6.30 am. When the alarm rang, I wasn't sure why it did..

Took the Skytrain from T3 to T1 but found it under renovation - no Macs :( Had BK at T2 instead. Always nice to have breakfast at the airport before a trip. Unfortunately, I was not part of the trip =/

This is the first time we're apart since our wedding. In fact, since we were legally wed! :p After Sito went in, I went home by train. With a little excursion along the way..

Oh, first, I had to drop my Pinky II on the ground as I exited the station.. !@#$%^&*()!!!

It was about 9.45 am so I thought I would take a trip to Ghim Moh to explore the market and maybe get some groceries there. So I followed the map in the MRT station and found the bustling market.

It was a really warm day! And I - specifically my feet - was feeling tired so I decided to look foot reflexology heh heh :p I walked around the shops next to the market and hawker centre - round and round and round, until I emerged one block away from where I started. Then I decided it was too heavy for me to carry groceries all the way home so I set off for the NTUC near our place...

But.. How to go home?! After a minute of walking, I realised that that wasn't the reverse route to the MRT.. Um, I was lost *.* Asked an auntie who gave me very good instructions :)

Then I thought I would check out the market near us so I did. But I made a rather hasty exit after (a) seeing an uncle chop a huge piece of meat, (b) having a stall owner shouting if I needed some vegetables, and (c) feeling like it was GSS and everyone wanted their hands on everything!

It was surreal *.*

Straight to NTUC next. Enough stopovers for the day! So I got back safe and sound, with a bag of groceries cos Yan was coming for lunch at 1.00 pm!! :)

Had some time before I needed to start cooking so I resisted PS3 and started my Sunday cleaning... Later when I was almost done, Yan told me she would be late.. Oh well, PS3 then :)

We got FF XIII and GT5 one after the other last week. I find Lightning so cool! And I'm considering her hairstyle.... But anyway, I was playing GT5 this afternoon and I was really bad at this particular track so I stopped and went to my notes, something I could actually conquer...!

It was almost three when we had lunch - curry udon and miso soup. Then we chatted while it rained heavily. Confidential, hoho :p But before we knew it, it was evening time!

After she left, I cooked dinner but left it on the table cos I wasn't hungry. Then I mopped and scrubbed and had a good sweat before calling it a day.

So here I am, pasta in my tummy, Sito on Skype, Tansformers on TV, and, oops, notes on the sofa behind me...

感触

无意间找到一只《命中注定我爱你》＋《我怀念的》MV，分别是我喜欢的偶像剧和歌曲，所以决定把两个entries合并。



＊＊＊ ＊＊＊ ＊＊＊

去年（！）刚看完《命中注定我爱你》时，有一种甜甜蜜蜜，依依不舍的心情。

喜欢剧情里那仅两分中只有音乐和字幕的一幕，说着陈欣怡从开始的痴心“便利贴女孩”到后来的（仍旧痴心）女强人，说着记存希从开始的－不知道什么！－到后来对她的爱与关怀，对别人也开始关心。两人，仿佛粘到了些对方的性情。

偶像剧有时也不一定完全脱离现实啊。有时候人生也是这样。人，会在不同的时候对同样的事物产生不同的感觉，也会不知道自己真正的想法，也会说反话。

而我呢？ 随着剧情的扭转，心情也跟着起伏。后来还一直播放原声带，反复回味。

30岁的我还是喜欢偶像剧。

＊＊＊ ＊＊＊ ＊＊＊

我也喜欢唱歌。当然，好不好听是另一回事！

喜欢唱歌，是天生的吧，从小就爱哼哼唱唱。小时候，只唱当下流行曲。后来，偏爱某些情情爱爱的词，唱歌像演戏一样，感情丰富，对歌词仿佛感同身受！其实那时从没谈过恋爱，想起来还蛮不好意思的 :p

真正的感同身受也不是没有。

小学毕业，碰上小虎队解散，一首首《再见》，《放心去飞》都（和小雨一样 :p）来地正是时候。

初院毕业，碰上三个本地女歌手重唱新谣《溪水长流》。记得我把歌词写得美美的，贴在locker门上，贴了有整整一年吧？如今唱起来，还有当年的味道 :)

歌，要符合心情才会有人喜欢、有人欣赏吧⋯⋯除非是在追偶像？ :p

＊＊＊ ＊＊＊ ＊＊＊

去年也不知道在忙些什么，只K了最多两次。今年难得已经K了两次 :)

And I love those MTVs!

梁静茹's MTVs almost always tell a story - I like the MTV for 没有如果 cos she was a very good SDO! :p

Ok, occupational hazards aside, I like JJ's 豆浆油条 and 被风吹过的夏天 cos he was so cute in them! I would be singing and gushing about him at the same time! But the girls didn't think he was cute leh *.*

And Jay Chou has many nice MTVs as well - not every one has a simple and clear story but it is always a joy to watch the MTV cos of the beautiful lyrics by 方文山 - I don't understand much of the lyrics just from listening :p

And when it's with CY, we must sing some exciting songs that see us jumping and screaming!! Except for that recent one, with both of us suffering from too much CNY goodies..

Looking forward to the next :)

This feels like...

... a fag after a shag..! :p

Maybe it's a bad analogy but yes, that's roughly what I'm feeling now!

COS is finally over for me!! The next busy period should be from April onwards? Just hope the rest of March is kind... I'm hoping to catch up on some blogging, like our wedding! :)

Epilogue

miso: Do you smoke?
mf: No.
miso: Ok...

我好累

病，好累。

想，好烦，好累。
不想，结果更烦，更累。

工作，好累。
迷惘，好累。
工作迷惘，最累。

去年的这个时候，我决定 transfer；今年的这个时候，我会否做出类似的选择呢？

接下来的我该何去何从？

现在处于想＋迷惘状态，超累！

I'm bound

By education: I feel that I'm expected to be, not just gainfully employed, but VERY gainfully employed. But I really really hate my working life! Yet, there is so much flux now that I don't feel "safe" changing jobs. The scary thing is, when the time comes, I'm not sure if I dare take the plunge into the unknown.

By obligation: Cos I need to feed Mother. No other way about it.

By mortgage: This isn't too bad. But it helps to have both our income.

By fear of the unknown: I guess this is the worst of all. I don't know what lies in the future. Financial stability and security are important to guard against many of these unknowns. Such considerations only lead to one thing - status quo.

Maybe that's why I'm always so angry in the office. Worse still, angry and cannot show! Life was better when I was still a pond scum. Now, I'm trapped in my room. I have to take care of not just my bosses but also those who report to me. And that's the toughest.

Recall that LH told me that once I reached a certain level, I had to learn to keep emotions in check. I have to agree - I mean, I have seen and heard of fiery bosses. They don't give stability to their officers. I think I want to be able to do at least that, on top of keep my work up to some standard.

But all these come at a price.

I'm angry cos I have little time for much things outside of work. (Put this post together over a period of time!) And I'm really starting to believe what people say about not having time to have babies.. After marking those critical days on my calendar, I was too busy and tired that week that I came home, worked, and went to bed - instant slumber! How to have babies?!

And when I was out with friends - like that day when Sali was in town, and her last trip here was 10 years ago - my mind would somehow drift to work. Not so much as thinking about specific work but you know, thinking about work のこと..

And I don't like to feel angry all the time. All that negative energy only attracts more negative energy.

怎么办???!

I feel trapped. Still thinking of a way to make myself happier and to avoid having work affect my mood outside of office. Must have good mental and emotional health!

Cravings

An ordinary truck?



Dispensing yummy Old Chang Kee at an RC event at West Coast!



Cannot buy, ahhhh!

Today, I jogged while Sito swam. We could see each other through the gym window - quite fun =D Had a good dinner - that was when we saw the OCK truck - and then fruits and then chocolate cookies. And he fed me a pineapple tart while I was ironing.

I've been snacking a lot since we moved in together. There's the never-diminishing stock of ice cream, and plenty of chocolatey yummies from Christmas. If Sito were not with me, I would have snacked more, cos I controlled my intake (somewhat) when he was not in a snacking mood :p

I figure I'll stop snacking when the snacks run out. Especially the chocolates cos I have better control over ice cream intake.

And yesterday, I found that our weighing machine is highly unreliable. It gave me two readings that differed by 1.5kg within two minutes. (Don't ask me why I weighed twice in a quick row!)

My moment of truth will come 6 February when I have access to another weighing machine at the spa. And M's eyes - she has no qualms telling me if I'm fat or otherwise :p

A little encouragement from mf to mf

You know, there are days when a piece of dark chocolate is all you need to recharge. Then there are days when you may need a scoop of really yummy chocolate chip cookie dough. And then there are days when you must have nothing short of a ton of chocolate and icecream. Each.

Today, I felt like nothing could help.

Haven't sunk this deep for a while. Last I recall was about 2004 or 2005? And yes, it's always related to work. Nothing too specific; just..work! *you have to imagine me spitting the word out like a poison*

This time, I diagnose myself with professional depression. Nothing clinical about this one.

For some time now, I have this card stuck to my CPU in the office. It reads "I don't hate my life". I think "don't" is underlined.

I have been playing a lot of puzzle games on my Pinky II to keep myself from dwelling on negative thoughts about work, about my working life. But it hit me that I was escaping. I should not escape! I must do something about it.

So, because of this negative energy in me, I don't feel too cute these days. In fact, I was rather afraid that something fundamental had changed in me. I mean, I always encourage people to be positive right?

I must remember that I sometimes need to encourage myself too :)

Must find time to go play sackboy... Be happy, mf!

Cabbies - the good, the bad and the scary

We are taking fewer cab rides since moving here. Save money! But more important, it saves me a lot of grief over waiting for cab..

I absolutely hate waiting for cabs at night outside office cos:

a) there are no empty cabs. Some cabbies told me cos the cabs were hiding somewhere waiting for a call to come in;

b) but calling a cab may also result in nothing. No enough cabs in Singapore! Yet some cabbies complained to me that they had little business. One cabbie offered that some old cabbies chose to hang around residential areas instead of town cos of language barriers; better to ferry aunties carrying the week's groceries;

c) there are empty cabs but they refuse to take me! Do I look like I'm a cabbie killer??

Now, I'm very particular about (c). A couple of times, I wrote down the licence number on my Pinky and reported the incidence to LTA. So far, one was not valid cos he put "busy"; another was only warned as it was his first offence.

Then, I met with this incident that REALLY got me. I was waving madly at this cab which whizzed by me. I jolted down his number; he must have seen me cos I was out on the road, not the pavement!

Being tired, I decided to call for a cab. And guess what? I got that idiotic driver who ignored me!!

I was going to wait for him to arrive, scold him and NOT take his cab. But after a while, he did not appear. When an empty cab came along, I hopped on. As I was calling to cancel my booking, I realised I used speed booking so he must have been waiting at the carpark instead of the pavement of the same building. And after that, I realised I should not have cancelled and should have just let him wait!

Man, I was pissed! But I forgot to lodge the complaint and my Pinky died. So I vent here :p

I wonder if people lodge such complaints as I do.. I mean, I often hear and read about complaints of the government but what of everyday service? Got a related thing to talk about - later..

Anyway, another cabbie story to share but it's a good one.

We were on the way to XY's place and were chatting with uncle cabbie. Somehow, we talked about songs or something and he said he composed a song about cabbies!! In fact, he had the lyrics with him and showed us. Then we got him to sing :p

Sung to the tune of 南屏晚钟:



And then some cabbies are downright scary. A few times, I found myself having to belt up in the middle of a ride. Once, this cabbie was kind of in a car chase with an idiot in a fancy car! That guy was an idiot cos he almost missed his expressway exit while competing with uncle cabbie, middle finger flashing and all! Come on, how many miles does the typical driver clock compared to a cabbie?!

But now, I prefer my favourite bus 106 to cab. Lucky, we are :)

Becoming a parent

Not yet la :p

At LH's farewell dinner, they were telling me to move to a room along the "fertile aisle" of the office where every occupant (who wanted to) got pregnant! True enough, in the past couple of years, we had four babies and a fifth is on his way!

And more recently, we were saying how people might shun getting married and having children in the coming lunar year - Tiger Year! 生一只母老虎怎么办呢? :p

Anyway, digressing...

So, I was thinking about this question the other day - when is a person ready to be a parent?

I think, mentally, there is no ready time. I mean, who would know without experiencing what parenting is like? I think when people say that they're not ready, it's more like they're not ready to spend time with child. Or is sacrificing that part of being ready?

I remember LH once said that you just had to plunge into it; if you had waited to be ready, you would never do it!

Guess in the end, it boils down to whether you want kids - that's the fundamental question.

Nowadays, people think a lot before having children. Including university expenses. Ok, so all parents think their kids will go to university but isn't that a bit far?

But wait, last time, people thought even further - must have children to 传宗接代 and even 送终! That means boys and the more the merrier! Example: Mother had me then MZ, then a miscarriage before finally getting YQ. Three children and a monthly household income of about $1,000 but she received only $300 a month to manage the household and feed FIVE persons for about 20 years. Inflation? Never heard of it!

Be it last time or now, I think there should be some pre-requisites before having children:
1) Marriage is stable. Read about people who think that having children can help stabilise a marriage.. 不要害人害己!
2) Job is kind of stable but it doesn't have to pay $5,000 a month before considering children!
3) You've thought through how to adjust life to suit the addition of a member to the family - very important cos if both parents work, there must be alternative care arrangements; if one parent stay at home, have facials monthly instead of weekly? (I wish but no, I don't do facials weekly now)

I think we are almost there except (3) where we are facing some uncertainties. Well, that should sort itself out within the next few months. And, I'm proudly resistant to the consultants trying to sell me more sessions cos my remaining SIXTEEN sessions are running out :p

朋友你最近好么?

有点儿迟了，但还是要对老友 CY 说：生日快乐，长大啦! :)

记得那天在餐馆我们聊了很多，不知不觉就是几个小时。其实，我们 meet up 时都很尽兴的。我总想把每一刻快乐的时光都用文字或是照片记下，可总也没有时间。“翻看” mf-ism 就知道了 － 近年来的 entries 已比以往的少。

别说纪录了，就连聚会的时间也蛮难碰到。就过去一个月来，有两个朋友家里传来恶讯。因为礼俗，因为时间，至今一直还没有机会 meet up。你们还好吗？

婚礼上，我（记得好象！）说道，我很高兴能和在场的朋友一直保持联络，甚至追溯到小学。是的，我很庆幸。唯一遗憾的，应该是没有更经常联络。好久没有 la kopi (or teh) with prata，好久没有 K 歌，好久没有好好坐下来聊些有的没的。

今年参加了许多婚礼。其中就有牧师说，男女朋友做了夫妻更要努力维持这段感情，更要有 commitment。我在想，在忙碌的生活中，要好好维持友谊，也是需要努力的。

现在开始了生命里的另一个阶段，我需要好好安排时间，让自己有足够的时间和精力来把工作及功课做好，把家里理好，把老公管好继续和老公约会，再和朋友聚会。我想，这一段话可要耗上好一段时间来做调试⋯⋯让我加油吧！:)

突然想起这首歌，唱出今晚的心情⋯⋯ Enjoy ~

歌词：朋友最近好吗？
歌手：欧得洋
词 : 陈静楠
曲 : 方文良
编曲 : 方文良

一样的月光照在我们掌心 何时小叮当改名哆啦A梦
春风少年兄唱着浪人情歌 红红青春敲呀敲变成men's talk
美丽花蝴蝶飞出青苹果乐园 飞向未来风真透还有爱相随

朋友最近好么 今晚出来走走 新歌会了哪几首
KTV里唱着 当时我们拿手 林强张宇张学友
朋友最近好么 啤酒再来一手 谁会在乎谁出糗
唱破我们歌喉 唱完一起拍手 天王天后也点头

谁说过其实你不懂我的心 谁约定不会忘了你忘了我
无情的情书太傻执迷不悔 转眼恋爱症候群换新恋情
说好天空不要为我们掉眼泪 认错之后向前行未来不是梦

唱到时光倒流 那年我们十九 梦在心里加满油
啦⋯⋯啦⋯⋯啦⋯⋯啦⋯⋯

Being on long leave

It's a rather surreal feeling, to wake up on a weekday morning at 7-ish and realise that there's no need to jump up to get ready for work. It's even more so when this is repeated for more than a few days at a stretch, albeit at 8-ish, 10-ish, and even 11-ish.

We spend time washing, cleaning and hoovering - now our place is more like a home. We laze in front of the TV, often with some food to share. We also cook some meals and boil a lot of water.

This morning, I was staring out of the study window. It looked pretty quaint down there. Low buildings. Old. The new flats could be seen just a little further.

Now, it's raining. I'm snacking on cashew nuts, typing this and listening to the radio. He's a few steps and a door away, in the comfort of aircon even in this pouring rain.

I know I have things to do, like drawing up a shopping list for the Isetan private sale this Friday - we desperately need some plastic ware. And I need to figure out how to work the high-tech rice cooker. Heck, I can't even manage the TV or the aircon controller!

But I'm feeling light-headed, in part due to my flu and also this feeling of being on leave, being carefree for a while finally.

I find it hard to believe that three weeks are coming to an end.

I'm dreading next Monday.

End of an era...

Just back from dinner and drinks. LH gave a treat at Absinthe as she would be leaving for postgrad studies. Food was good but the company beat it hands down. I'm so blessed to be working with these people!

We had a lot of fun and laughter at the dining table and later at Majestic Bar where a few of us adjourned to. LH packed her son off with the dad so she could join us :p Amid the chatter, I forgot to take photos =/

I have been wanting to talk to LH since mid-year retreat, where what she said resonated with me. No chance thus far and now she's leaving! Was planning to get a card for her after wedding but had no time to sit down to write properly before meeting her just now. Made a note to get it done to pass to her next week. (after-note: done)

With LH gone, I feel like a chapter in the history of NPS has closed. She has been there since the beginning and helped to shape NPS into what it is today. Among the seven pioneers of NPS, only three are left now. Personally, she has also guided and mentored me to where I am today, for which I'm grateful. So, 有一点伤感吧... 因为我不喜欢别离，因为人事已非，也因为我晓得有一天我也会离开这里... Too much for a late Friday night, hur? :)

At the end of a phase of my life

Well, at this stage, I would say that we are done with the preparations for our wedding celebration tomorrow. If anything is not done, well, I say too bad! :p

I'll probably post details at some point but now, I just want to write about what I'm feeling, or not.

In the past few weeks, we have been busy with packing, moving, unpacking.. As I packed my stuff, I have taken loads of pictures of things I was dumping - no point hoarding. I even took pictures of the market area, where I spent many happy Sunday mornings. And just now when I was packing dinner at AMK Hub, I realised that I probably wouldn't be there as often after today.

Then when I got back, I found that I did not have the same affinity to this flat. Sure, I've lived here since I was a baby. But too many unhappy things have happened here. I only took photos of my room which I did up nicely two years ago.

And with Mother nagging at me and wanting me to do this and that and not do this and that, I was so yearning for tomorrow so that I could be officially out of this place!

Rather negative thoughts for today but they are my thoughts nonetheless.

On a happier note, tomorrow marks the start of our life together!! Can't wait :)