Wednesday, 27 August 2014

The (im?)possibility of a third child

At a gathering two years ago, a friend said that the first words of her MIL when she came to visit her in the hospital upon the birth of her second daughter were, "You will have a third child, right?" 意思浅浅 - her MIL wanted a grandson to 传宗接代!

So with ZK and ZY, I have - in the words of LH who has a boy followed by two girls - "fulfilled my duty as a DIL". But guess what? Both grandmothers told me the same thing when they first saw me after ZY came out - your third one should be a girl!

Well, if someone can tell me right now that our third WILL 100% be a girl, I'll say, onz!

*deafening silence*

Thought so :)

But actually, I do wish to have a third one. Gambling for a girl? Maybe. But after so many people have told me how nice it would be to have a girl (mf: a real-life doll to dress up!), a girl is closer to the mama (mf: nonsense - and I'm not the only one to say this) etc, I have decided that while it may be nice to strike the gender lottery, I don't mind having all boys - I'll be one super protected mama!

However, we have many considerations and reservations...

Sito worries about the cost. I don't think raising children is too expensive - a lot is discretionary spending - and childcare/school will only get cheaper with time and shoot up again at university; IFC fees are higher than the typical university fees! But it is true that another child represents more expenses, and we will have less disposable income.

Now with two, two adults will have to send them to and from the centre - ZK runs about too much and ZY needs to be carried for quite some time more. The current plan is for me to send them with Y and for Mum to help fetch them with Y. With three, I don't know - will ZK be more manageable by then and even able to help?

I saw this father sending his three kids to the centre sometimes. The elder two would get down from the car first and wait at the gate for their father to carry the infant from the car seat before going into the centre together. Perhaps, it will be more manageable with a car? But wait, the elder two in this family are girls; we have two boys, hmmm...

That's weekdays. On weekends, what would it be like? Now, we manage with one parent to one child, with Y as a buffer on Saturdays. Sometimes, it's two to one tyrannical toddler if ZY is asleep. We can still go out without Y. On Sundays, we tend to divide and conquer bedtime routine when Y is off - I'll come home from Mum's place to bathe ZY and shower before Sito brings ZK back for the kid's shower and bedtime with ZY. With three, I don't know.. Maybe we can treat the elder two as one, e.g. throw them into the shower together?

Bedtime is yet another story. It doesn't help that Sito's current job isn't the most conducive for more involved parenting. Neither does his long shower routine!

And then, there is timing. If we have a third one, I would prefer to have him/her in two years, i.e. 2016. Our new place will be ready by 2017, which means we'll have three kids in one room for a while more - now with two, sleep time is already a challenge! O_O We considered a later timing too, but the longer we wait, the greater the inertia...

Conclusion? We'll find out in a few years' time!

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