In case you're wondering about all these "sequels", well, I was rushing off to watch TV yesterday :p I know, I could have saved draft.. Ah well, nvm :)
So, I give up taste for smell.
Have you ever smelled the morning? I mean, early morning? Say, one day, try waking up at day break, when it's just beginning to get bright. Go to an open window, look at the trees in front of you (there has to be at least one tree - this is so-called green city) and take a deep breath.. Feel the air pass through your respiratory tract. Smelled the morning yet? Close your eyes and take a second breath..
The mornings were always cool - I would shiver as I prepared to go to school. The sky was just starting to brighten up as I left the house. Those times, outside smelled of either grass or haze. On the way to Dunearn Road, I would endure the strange smell often present in air-conditioned buses, if I were on one. Else, the wind gushing past the open window was always sweet.
It was freaking early that winter Sat morning. Sky was still greyish blue. I smelled High Street. Stale beer from the Fri night. I could see my breath condensing in the cold. Darn, the guy's late and we've got a bus to catch.. I took some pictures as I waited at, was it St Mary's Passage? The sign actually didn't appear (and disappear and appear again) until two or three years later.
When was the last time you smelled a stale room, a room locked for too long, empty and unused? I love it. It meant a new academic year. It meant returning to my old room after a long backpacking trip. It meant coming back to something familiar. The smell disappeared upon inhabitation, supplanted by a more powerful scent which was elusive to me - visitors claimed my rooms had this smell (?!), this fragrance (thank goodness!). I realised later it was my many bottles of perfume and I was too accustomed to them to smell anything.
I still love Aqua di Gio, its connotations notwithstanding. And Pleasures too, I'm always generous with that on myself. Perhaps a bit too generous.
Freshly baked bread - it may be Sainsbury's economy! - and chocolate, they are reminders of my baking days. The sweet smell of custard I used for my popular Portuguese egg tarts would hang in the tiny kitchen for hours. Oh, slightly burnt toast from ground floor toaster - think it belonged to friend-tutmate-neighbour who simply wiped his Teflon pan after frying his steak!
I don't know what else but my nose triggers off all these recollections from childhood to recent past. Memories, I've learnt, are never forgotten; they are simply locked until someone or something happens to knock on the floodgate, releasing them.
Monday, 28 February 2005
Hello, stranger 2
YX reminded me of the theme song to "Closer" so I did a google. Found an interesting review instead. Parts of it here:
"Closer depicts its men in a dismal, cynical light, but, if anything, the women’s fate is even worse. The men play power games in which they emotionally brutalize the women who are their helpless pawns, batted back and forth between lovers like a wounded mouse in the clutches of a cat. Men fight to possess women solely in order to assert their alpha-male status. Women don’t choose their partners; they are chosen. Their only power is in their ability to deceive."
"They are masochists who seem to get as much dirty pleasure out of being hurt and shamed as they do hooking up. No one really knows anyone else, but they don’t know themselves either, because there’s nothing to know. There’s nothing inside them; each is a cipher made to suffer and to hurt others."
"Closer gives us its distasteful view of relationships without comment, as if it were inevitable that men and women should behave this way."
Scary, isn't it? Think most of us have been too sheltered all this while.. Seems that there are lots of conceit and distrust everywhere..
"Closer depicts its men in a dismal, cynical light, but, if anything, the women’s fate is even worse. The men play power games in which they emotionally brutalize the women who are their helpless pawns, batted back and forth between lovers like a wounded mouse in the clutches of a cat. Men fight to possess women solely in order to assert their alpha-male status. Women don’t choose their partners; they are chosen. Their only power is in their ability to deceive."
"They are masochists who seem to get as much dirty pleasure out of being hurt and shamed as they do hooking up. No one really knows anyone else, but they don’t know themselves either, because there’s nothing to know. There’s nothing inside them; each is a cipher made to suffer and to hurt others."
"Closer gives us its distasteful view of relationships without comment, as if it were inevitable that men and women should behave this way."
Scary, isn't it? Think most of us have been too sheltered all this while.. Seems that there are lots of conceit and distrust everywhere..
Sunday, 27 February 2005
Smells
Read Na's blog on senses, was commenting but realised it got very long. So I post!
She decided if she die die had to give up one sense, it would be smell cos she wants to see, hear and touch. Losing smell is like losing taste since they're related but with the additional advantage that she doesn't have to smell garbage etc.
I choose to give up taste - I'll lose weight :p But smells! I think it's worth smelling shit once in a while in exchange for all the sweet smells there are.
There are times, in totally random situations, when random smells floating by will remind me of certain incidents, certain places, certain people, certain periods of my life. These smells are usually sweet, scents and fragrances. Like bacon and sausages, which reminds me of college food. Not that college food was great, but it was a wonderful time..
Then sometimes, even sewage smells (ok the less jia lat kind!) can bring back memories of Sun mornings with my paternal grandmother at the market, having nasi lemak and tea in a saucer - she used the cup and poured me a little and I lapped at it like a kitten - before heading to the swing for some fun. We would head home before 9 so I could catch Smurfs or Care Bears etc.
Ok, it's almost time to morph into Sun couch potato now.. I shall leave you with one last bite: with my sense of smell intact, I can tell when I really need to take a shower! Ha! I'm disgusting :p
She decided if she die die had to give up one sense, it would be smell cos she wants to see, hear and touch. Losing smell is like losing taste since they're related but with the additional advantage that she doesn't have to smell garbage etc.
I choose to give up taste - I'll lose weight :p But smells! I think it's worth smelling shit once in a while in exchange for all the sweet smells there are.
There are times, in totally random situations, when random smells floating by will remind me of certain incidents, certain places, certain people, certain periods of my life. These smells are usually sweet, scents and fragrances. Like bacon and sausages, which reminds me of college food. Not that college food was great, but it was a wonderful time..
Then sometimes, even sewage smells (ok the less jia lat kind!) can bring back memories of Sun mornings with my paternal grandmother at the market, having nasi lemak and tea in a saucer - she used the cup and poured me a little and I lapped at it like a kitten - before heading to the swing for some fun. We would head home before 9 so I could catch Smurfs or Care Bears etc.
Ok, it's almost time to morph into Sun couch potato now.. I shall leave you with one last bite: with my sense of smell intact, I can tell when I really need to take a shower! Ha! I'm disgusting :p
Hello, stranger
Wasn't about to log on today, cos I'm so totally engrossed in a book! But Na reminded me that I'm so going to forget all about it if I were to procrastinate any further. So, here goes "it"..
Watched "Closer" on Fri. Can't say I like it but I certainly do not dislike it and I can't help writing about it!
Oh, spoilers ahead, be warned.
First of all, Larry's a cocky bastard. At first I just thought he's a horny double-lived (aren't we all doing that? :p) doctor which was bored during shift work. Then all the shit questions he threw at Anna almost made me hate Owen but I did realise he's only playing Larry. And bastard or not, he's damn smart in manipulation and it seemed that he really loved Anna.
The other guy, Dan, was just weird. When he first appeared, I thought he was a very decent guy. But the very next scene, he was positively seducing Anna AND proclaiming he couldn't leave his gf Alice in almost the same breath. With Alice in the bathroom in the same place (actually smart girl was listening in) somemore. Then after failing to get Anna, he went back to Alice, like *snap* immediately. Damn confused guy if you ask me! And a bastard too, he hit Alice.
Anna loved Dan but married Larry and carried on her affair with Dan. Then after getting Larry to sign the divorce papers, she went back to him out of guilt. But hey, Larry ain't no saint; he had slept with Alice anyway!
The disturbing part was Alice. Jane, Alice - same. Her real name was Jane, revealed only at the end. This character totally disoriented me. She concealed her real name for four years from Dan. And she could, in a moment, tell Dan that she didn't love him anymore and that she's going to leave him. Then she left him. Alone, again, as at the start of the story. Maybe she was the saddest character of all. I didn't understand why she hid her own identity from even the one she supposedly loved so much.
Four lives entangled in a story on modern city life. Or is that really city life as I know it? Well, different cities and/or different lives, I guess.
My life. What is it actually? Recently, and for the record before this movie, I've decided I should review myself in an attempt to find out who I really am and what I really want. I always have this nagging suspicion that I'm concealing different parts of me from different people. Just wish to confirm or disprove this little theory. See how.
Watched "Closer" on Fri. Can't say I like it but I certainly do not dislike it and I can't help writing about it!
Oh, spoilers ahead, be warned.
First of all, Larry's a cocky bastard. At first I just thought he's a horny double-lived (aren't we all doing that? :p) doctor which was bored during shift work. Then all the shit questions he threw at Anna almost made me hate Owen but I did realise he's only playing Larry. And bastard or not, he's damn smart in manipulation and it seemed that he really loved Anna.
The other guy, Dan, was just weird. When he first appeared, I thought he was a very decent guy. But the very next scene, he was positively seducing Anna AND proclaiming he couldn't leave his gf Alice in almost the same breath. With Alice in the bathroom in the same place (actually smart girl was listening in) somemore. Then after failing to get Anna, he went back to Alice, like *snap* immediately. Damn confused guy if you ask me! And a bastard too, he hit Alice.
Anna loved Dan but married Larry and carried on her affair with Dan. Then after getting Larry to sign the divorce papers, she went back to him out of guilt. But hey, Larry ain't no saint; he had slept with Alice anyway!
The disturbing part was Alice. Jane, Alice - same. Her real name was Jane, revealed only at the end. This character totally disoriented me. She concealed her real name for four years from Dan. And she could, in a moment, tell Dan that she didn't love him anymore and that she's going to leave him. Then she left him. Alone, again, as at the start of the story. Maybe she was the saddest character of all. I didn't understand why she hid her own identity from even the one she supposedly loved so much.
Four lives entangled in a story on modern city life. Or is that really city life as I know it? Well, different cities and/or different lives, I guess.
My life. What is it actually? Recently, and for the record before this movie, I've decided I should review myself in an attempt to find out who I really am and what I really want. I always have this nagging suspicion that I'm concealing different parts of me from different people. Just wish to confirm or disprove this little theory. See how.
Friday, 25 February 2005
Constant change
Last night, I heard DJ say that her programme was ending soon. Huh? This morning, I heard from my two favourite DJs that it was their last morning. Oh dear.. Apparently, from Mon, it's going to be a new programme sheet, and a new team for each new slot.
Suddenly felt lost. When I first started to listen to 933 regularly, it was in JC and the morning show was hosted by Liyi and Junwei. After four years, I tuned in to the morning show again and it was Liyi and Zhiyong. From Mon, it will be Lingzhi and Chongqing going to work with me. But I'm used to listening to Chongqing and Mary on their evening show, and Lingzhi with her Music Diary at night! Wait, does that mean there's no more music diary? It accompanied my lunch hours in my third year..
I've never taken really well to changes. I mean, I can adapt, but it'll always feel different, a matter of liking. Like when I first came back for good, I adapted soon enough, but I missed Oxford like crazy. Still do. No problem when I first moved to Oxford cos I was leaving a distressing period of my life behind. Maybe I should say that if the change is for the better, I can take to it more easily than otherwise.
It's a bit contradictory, isn't it? Just a couple of days ago, I was complaining that life is too routine. Now that something's going to be different, I'm not happy too. What's wrong with me?!
Another voice is rising within me: cos you don't know if you'll like the new morning team on Mon!
Duh, more generally pls..
I think, rather, I feel, that the whole routine thing still stands. If they change teams every year, I'll write this every year and it becomes a routine. It's constant change. Graphically, you see seasonality. My Oxford experience, on the other hand, is not happening every 19 years. It happened and just once. That change was not constant. It's a single sudden peak in white noise series.
Maybe I can conclude that constant change is not a change; if it is, well, it's a boring one.
Update 28 Feb 05
Made a mistake: Liyi still came to work with me this morning :) With Chongqing and another girl whose name I don't know..
Suddenly felt lost. When I first started to listen to 933 regularly, it was in JC and the morning show was hosted by Liyi and Junwei. After four years, I tuned in to the morning show again and it was Liyi and Zhiyong. From Mon, it will be Lingzhi and Chongqing going to work with me. But I'm used to listening to Chongqing and Mary on their evening show, and Lingzhi with her Music Diary at night! Wait, does that mean there's no more music diary? It accompanied my lunch hours in my third year..
I've never taken really well to changes. I mean, I can adapt, but it'll always feel different, a matter of liking. Like when I first came back for good, I adapted soon enough, but I missed Oxford like crazy. Still do. No problem when I first moved to Oxford cos I was leaving a distressing period of my life behind. Maybe I should say that if the change is for the better, I can take to it more easily than otherwise.
It's a bit contradictory, isn't it? Just a couple of days ago, I was complaining that life is too routine. Now that something's going to be different, I'm not happy too. What's wrong with me?!
Another voice is rising within me: cos you don't know if you'll like the new morning team on Mon!
Duh, more generally pls..
I think, rather, I feel, that the whole routine thing still stands. If they change teams every year, I'll write this every year and it becomes a routine. It's constant change. Graphically, you see seasonality. My Oxford experience, on the other hand, is not happening every 19 years. It happened and just once. That change was not constant. It's a single sudden peak in white noise series.
Maybe I can conclude that constant change is not a change; if it is, well, it's a boring one.
Update 28 Feb 05
Made a mistake: Liyi still came to work with me this morning :) With Chongqing and another girl whose name I don't know..
Thursday, 24 February 2005
"A doll for granddad"
mf feels oddly disturbed..
What does this say of the human race? That man-made comfort is more reliable than your own kids? Or that we have meddled too much with nature and we should be better off dead at age 60 than 100??
The doll "meant to resemble a five-year-old boy" really sounds creepy btw.
**************
A doll for granddad
TODAYonline.com
Thursday • February 24, 2005
TOKYO — As Japan produces fewer children and more retirees, toymakers are designing dolls not for the young, but for the lonely elderly — companions that can sleep next to them and offer caring words.
Talking toys have become such a hit that some elderly people have embraced them as substitutes for the children who have grown and deserted entire neighbourhoods in the rapidly greying country.
The Yumel doll looks like a baby boy and has a vocabulary of 1,200 phrases. It is billed as a "healing partner" for the elderly and goes on the market today for 8,500 yen ($132). About 8,000 Yumel dolls have been sold in less than three months. "Toymakers are targeting senior citizens as the number of children is falling," said Mr Osamu Kiriseko, who headed the Yumel project.
Another toymaker, Bandai, launched the Primopuel doll in November 1999. Meant to resemble a five-year-old boy, the toy has proved to be a hit with the elderly. More than one million dolls have been sold over the past five years. — AFP
What does this say of the human race? That man-made comfort is more reliable than your own kids? Or that we have meddled too much with nature and we should be better off dead at age 60 than 100??
The doll "meant to resemble a five-year-old boy" really sounds creepy btw.
**************
A doll for granddad
TODAYonline.com
Thursday • February 24, 2005
TOKYO — As Japan produces fewer children and more retirees, toymakers are designing dolls not for the young, but for the lonely elderly — companions that can sleep next to them and offer caring words.
Talking toys have become such a hit that some elderly people have embraced them as substitutes for the children who have grown and deserted entire neighbourhoods in the rapidly greying country.
The Yumel doll looks like a baby boy and has a vocabulary of 1,200 phrases. It is billed as a "healing partner" for the elderly and goes on the market today for 8,500 yen ($132). About 8,000 Yumel dolls have been sold in less than three months. "Toymakers are targeting senior citizens as the number of children is falling," said Mr Osamu Kiriseko, who headed the Yumel project.
Another toymaker, Bandai, launched the Primopuel doll in November 1999. Meant to resemble a five-year-old boy, the toy has proved to be a hit with the elderly. More than one million dolls have been sold over the past five years. — AFP
HYPY translations
Extracts from an email exchange
Friend: I wouldn't want to be labelled as qian gu zui ren leh. Bu jiu you gong, zhi jiu wu guo... ... I'm really wang cheng mo ji as compared to you... ...
mf: What's the poverb?!
Friend: Qian1 gu3 zui4 ren2 (mf: this one I know) Sorry... Mistake with the 2nd one... Bu4 qiu2 you3 gong1, zhi3 qiu2 wu2 guo4... Wang4 cheng2 mo4 ji2 (mf: actually should be chen2 :p) GET IT??? If you dun, I have no choice but to include the follows...
1. Guilty felons for eternity
2. Hope not to be credited, just hope not to be penalised.
3. Uncomparable
mf: *Insult my intelligence?!* Wa liao your hypy crap leh!
Yes I must have the last bite!
Friend: I wouldn't want to be labelled as qian gu zui ren leh. Bu jiu you gong, zhi jiu wu guo... ... I'm really wang cheng mo ji as compared to you... ...
mf: What's the poverb?!
Friend: Qian1 gu3 zui4 ren2 (mf: this one I know) Sorry... Mistake with the 2nd one... Bu4 qiu2 you3 gong1, zhi3 qiu2 wu2 guo4... Wang4 cheng2 mo4 ji2 (mf: actually should be chen2 :p) GET IT??? If you dun, I have no choice but to include the follows...
1. Guilty felons for eternity
2. Hope not to be credited, just hope not to be penalised.
3. Uncomparable
mf: *Insult my intelligence?!* Wa liao your hypy crap leh!
Yes I must have the last bite!
Still aching
The ache is worse than before, may have been aggravated last night as we tried to maintain "flower posture" throughout the dance, looking good but man, I need to strengthen my back.. And must remember the five contact points between partners: right hand to his left, his right hand on my back, left hand to his right arm, his right arm under mine, and finally, body.
Eh, suddenly remember that I woke up this morning hugging Meh the wrong way: I saw her butt instead of her face when I opened my eyes!
Eh, suddenly remember that I woke up this morning hugging Meh the wrong way: I saw her butt instead of her face when I opened my eyes!
Wednesday, 23 February 2005
Money is the root of all evil
I'm fucking pissed.
He had the cheek to call me to settle his HP bill of $285 and landline bill of $160. Hey, my HP bill stands at $30.45 and landline $17 on average!
Like father, like son. Last time YQ also spent hundreds on HP bills until I forbade Mother to pay for him. Now that he has to pay himself, he knows it's damn ex. Good lesson for him, I say, and good lessons should be learnt young cos when you're old, you apparently can't learn.
Important things for all to note:
1) Never believe men/women who ask you for for money - foreign or not, they are cheats.
2) Learn to work within your own budget, and save enough for old age - if you can't afford it, don't have it! Also, referring to Rule 1, take care of your CPF monies when you eventually get them!
3) If you're going to have a family, be responsible and make sure you can afford it. Btw, $300 to feed a family of five over 18 years is utter crap; there's something called inflation.
4) Never smoke in front of kids or a pregnant woman, you'll ruin young lungs for life. If you're pregnant and you're the one smoking, well, god bless!
5) If you want people to respect you, earn it. Even from your kids, earn it!
Source: www.hardichr.dk/Baggrunde/ middle_finger.jpg
He had the cheek to call me to settle his HP bill of $285 and landline bill of $160. Hey, my HP bill stands at $30.45 and landline $17 on average!
Like father, like son. Last time YQ also spent hundreds on HP bills until I forbade Mother to pay for him. Now that he has to pay himself, he knows it's damn ex. Good lesson for him, I say, and good lessons should be learnt young cos when you're old, you apparently can't learn.
Important things for all to note:
1) Never believe men/women who ask you for for money - foreign or not, they are cheats.
2) Learn to work within your own budget, and save enough for old age - if you can't afford it, don't have it! Also, referring to Rule 1, take care of your CPF monies when you eventually get them!
3) If you're going to have a family, be responsible and make sure you can afford it. Btw, $300 to feed a family of five over 18 years is utter crap; there's something called inflation.
4) Never smoke in front of kids or a pregnant woman, you'll ruin young lungs for life. If you're pregnant and you're the one smoking, well, god bless!
5) If you want people to respect you, earn it. Even from your kids, earn it!
Yoga combat - don't want yoga, can or not?
Hup brought me to a trial session last night. The combat part was cool! But the yoga bit was tough man.. I think yoga is not for me; my body is too hopelessly inflexible! I was watching everyone (almost..) in wonder as they sat up and twisted their bodies left and right in one swift movement while I was still struggling to bring my chest up.. The best part was the legs-bending-over-the-head stunt. Really, it's a freaking stunt! I couldn't help laughing at my inflexibility. Hup was saying I chao keng :p
But I must say I had a very good sleep last night. Felt very good when I opened my eyes this morning so I sprang out of bed :)
And I immediately regretted that =(
It was THE ache, from behind my knees all the way to between my shoulder blades. Hmm, think I'm a bit SM la, I quite enjoy the pain.. Hey it meant I worked out! :)
But I must say I had a very good sleep last night. Felt very good when I opened my eyes this morning so I sprang out of bed :)
And I immediately regretted that =(
It was THE ache, from behind my knees all the way to between my shoulder blades. Hmm, think I'm a bit SM la, I quite enjoy the pain.. Hey it meant I worked out! :)
Tuesday, 22 February 2005
Thinking out loud - encrypted
A string of events that unfolded in the past ten days has rippled across my seemingly uneventful life.
I've been quite happy in my little nutshell of a world. Nvm that life is pretty unexciting, nvm that work can be straining, nvm that I sometimes feel stupid, nvm a lot of things. What matters is that things are going good enough for me.
Now, well, I can't say I'm unhappy. Just bothered. Bothered by my thoughts. Some time this afternoon, a thought popped into my head, as thoughts sometimes do.
"You need to re-evaluate certain values you hold."
I think that was my rational, non-OCD self speaking.
Ok, I thought, it's time for me to search my soul.
Actually, I was musing over something a few days ago: am I lonely?
Honestly, ever since I left secondary school, the only times I recall feeling lonely were when I was in a group and yet felt detached. After the solo thing in OBS, I said that while I was alone, I didn't feel lonely. True, isn't it? That loneliness isn't just about physical isolation; it's got more to do with the emotions.
This particular series of events forced me to rethink the above. Perhaps loneliness can sink into the subconscious without you realising until a catalyst surfaces? But this doesn't hold water, I don't actually feel lonely, no matter how much I try to explain it to myself, it just doesn't make sense. It couldn't be loneliness.
Erm, a thought, rather, a word, just hit me two seconds ago: boredom. Have I mistaken boredom for loneliness? I could reconcile with boredom. Ya, that would explain a lot. Since my life is so plain-sailing, boredom seems to be the inevitable parasite.
So pls, ignore the loneliness crap I wrote above; irrelevant now that I've decided I'm more bored than anything else.
Ok, I've established that boredom is the root cause of my current, eh, "confusion"; I could safely say that it has a certain bearing on my dominant persona. Said "confusion" is that I'm not sure if I should indulge the dominant or listen to my smaller rational self.
*Long pause*
Am I slow or what? I just realised that if I would just listen to my rational side, everything will be quite clear-cut..
But question, big question: can I maintain that stand and not succumb to, simply put, boredom?
Actually I don't wish to continue writing cos mind is blanking out. Need to chew on it a bit more. Somehow, this thing has just evolved into a review of who and what I really am. Good la, re-activate my brain.
Catch no ball? Well, you're not supposed to, unless we've talked!
Dedicate this post to two persons, you know who you are. Perhaps you might gain a better insight into me through this than just talking. I'm crap at talking.
Update 24 Feb 05
Not saying that it's been boring all this while with you, my dear friends. It's just, you know, every day is like a routine, every other week I do the same things all over again. Not often that we have a nice trip out. But if fun outings happen too often, they become routine too.. Man, just realised that life is one whole cycle of repetitions! Gaaah!
I've been quite happy in my little nutshell of a world. Nvm that life is pretty unexciting, nvm that work can be straining, nvm that I sometimes feel stupid, nvm a lot of things. What matters is that things are going good enough for me.
Now, well, I can't say I'm unhappy. Just bothered. Bothered by my thoughts. Some time this afternoon, a thought popped into my head, as thoughts sometimes do.
"You need to re-evaluate certain values you hold."
I think that was my rational, non-OCD self speaking.
Ok, I thought, it's time for me to search my soul.
Actually, I was musing over something a few days ago: am I lonely?
Honestly, ever since I left secondary school, the only times I recall feeling lonely were when I was in a group and yet felt detached. After the solo thing in OBS, I said that while I was alone, I didn't feel lonely. True, isn't it? That loneliness isn't just about physical isolation; it's got more to do with the emotions.
This particular series of events forced me to rethink the above. Perhaps loneliness can sink into the subconscious without you realising until a catalyst surfaces? But this doesn't hold water, I don't actually feel lonely, no matter how much I try to explain it to myself, it just doesn't make sense. It couldn't be loneliness.
Erm, a thought, rather, a word, just hit me two seconds ago: boredom. Have I mistaken boredom for loneliness? I could reconcile with boredom. Ya, that would explain a lot. Since my life is so plain-sailing, boredom seems to be the inevitable parasite.
So pls, ignore the loneliness crap I wrote above; irrelevant now that I've decided I'm more bored than anything else.
Ok, I've established that boredom is the root cause of my current, eh, "confusion"; I could safely say that it has a certain bearing on my dominant persona. Said "confusion" is that I'm not sure if I should indulge the dominant or listen to my smaller rational self.
*Long pause*
Am I slow or what? I just realised that if I would just listen to my rational side, everything will be quite clear-cut..
But question, big question: can I maintain that stand and not succumb to, simply put, boredom?
Actually I don't wish to continue writing cos mind is blanking out. Need to chew on it a bit more. Somehow, this thing has just evolved into a review of who and what I really am. Good la, re-activate my brain.
Catch no ball? Well, you're not supposed to, unless we've talked!
Dedicate this post to two persons, you know who you are. Perhaps you might gain a better insight into me through this than just talking. I'm crap at talking.
Update 24 Feb 05
Not saying that it's been boring all this while with you, my dear friends. It's just, you know, every day is like a routine, every other week I do the same things all over again. Not often that we have a nice trip out. But if fun outings happen too often, they become routine too.. Man, just realised that life is one whole cycle of repetitions! Gaaah!
Cute supremacy!
As I pored through page 37 of my 66 page paper (excludes conclusion, freaking longer than my MSc dissertation!), I suddenly noticed the cat at the top right hand corner, napping. I clicked on her and she immediately woke and asked me what I would like to do!
Just want to watch her sleep.. Should not have disturbed her!!!
Now she's wagging her tail and smiling sweetly at me.. Ahhh... Nice also :)
I have a thing for cute things and animals and people. Ok, kids la, cos "cute" adults are, more often than not, act-cute. Like me :p Btw cute means adorable here, not the cute guy at 3 o'clock/ Jerry Yen/ Jude Law kind of cute. NOT Rowan Atkinson kind of cute either.
My current desktop wallpaper is Oppa's friend's daughter. Big eyes, pinchable cheeks :) Once boss walked by and saw me smiling at the picture.
"Maternal instinct?"
Well maybe. If I have a kid, I'll just look at him/her all day and think how cute he/she is! So I must be a full-time mum, meaning I'm also a full-time housewife, meaning that I would need a rich husband so I don't have to work..
But I digress.
I would love to have the perfect cute image/ appearance, whatever. But I've always like a touch of elegance too. Can't decide on either, don't know which is more mf, so must learn to merge them properly, and to match my mood.
Darn! Cat is still wagging her tail! I think I'll go have my yong tau foo. Hopefully she'll be asleep when I'm back..
Just want to watch her sleep.. Should not have disturbed her!!!
Now she's wagging her tail and smiling sweetly at me.. Ahhh... Nice also :)
I have a thing for cute things and animals and people. Ok, kids la, cos "cute" adults are, more often than not, act-cute. Like me :p Btw cute means adorable here, not the cute guy at 3 o'clock/ Jerry Yen/ Jude Law kind of cute. NOT Rowan Atkinson kind of cute either.
My current desktop wallpaper is Oppa's friend's daughter. Big eyes, pinchable cheeks :) Once boss walked by and saw me smiling at the picture.
"Maternal instinct?"
Well maybe. If I have a kid, I'll just look at him/her all day and think how cute he/she is! So I must be a full-time mum, meaning I'm also a full-time housewife, meaning that I would need a rich husband so I don't have to work..
But I digress.
I would love to have the perfect cute image/ appearance, whatever. But I've always like a touch of elegance too. Can't decide on either, don't know which is more mf, so must learn to merge them properly, and to match my mood.
Darn! Cat is still wagging her tail! I think I'll go have my yong tau foo. Hopefully she'll be asleep when I'm back..
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