1) Was sitting at this spot earlier today and thought it looked a bit different outside the kitchen windows. Later I walked to the windows and realised the trees outside had been felled. It means they're making way for the upgrading works! :)
2) I felt most weird watching Geisha. It's one thing reading a story set in a non-English speaking country in English, and quite another watching it!
3) Yesterday was the first time in my life that I went to town on the second day of CNY. Even in the shopping malls, some shops remained closed. The coffee shop downstairs is still closed cos it's run by Malaysians who have all gone back home for CNY. GOOD, cos the whole bunch of them stay in the unit next door and are very noisy every night, not to mention the cigarette smoke that floats in, yucks!
4) Mother just dumped five red packets into my lap, all from relatives and friends who came visiting yesterday while I was out. One was from this cousin, obviously reused cos the glue was loose and the money actually fell out of the bottom as I tried to open from the top! I don't mind recycling red packets but come on, glue it properly! Ok, I'm quite biased against this family - I never want to be around when they come by.. Anyway, loot of $226 this year - happy :p
5) Friend was saying how guys would only treat her like a little girl and nothing more cos of her appearance, and wondered if she should change. I had similar thoughts, cos guys treat me like one of them sometimes! But if I were to change, then I wouldn't be mf anymore! Scary thought, to be mf and yet.. not mf.. Hmm..
6) I chose to ignore Mother's nagging over my drinking last night. And I'll never tell her I used to drink a lot more! My tolerance was better last time, likely cos I had a lot more fats back then :p Well, better to learn my limit now than later! I was thinking about it just now and realised I probably wouldn't want to lose control over my drinking anymore; am getting to the age when such behaviour seems rather unbecoming..
7) Renewed reading list, in order of priority:
Everlasting Regret - difficult to read but must finish that!
The Magic of Thinking Big - something I wish to check out..
The World is Flat - another one that sounds interesting
Memoirs of a Geisha - relegated to lower priority but it remains
Japanese text - must practise! On alternate nights when I don't have my retainers on, cos I lisp a bit with my retainers :p
8) 8 items today, just for CNY luck :p I feel that I haven't had enough CNY goodies this year - told you this is one weird CNY! Think I'll go grab a bit now!
Tuesday, 31 January 2006
CNY 2006
It feels strange. CNY arrived rather suddenly cos the week before had been totally hectic. And now, it's the last day of the holidays!
The first day with Grams was quite unlike previous years. The lunch was still the same, we sat elbow to elbow eating from the hot pot - literally kuei sio! But after that, we didn't play very much. Played a bit of Game of Life with the cousins. Then some left by mid afternoon. Yan had to go to her godmother's place some time in the pm too so I took a nap while waiting for her to come back so we could carry on our girl talk.
A phonecall woke me from my nap. An anonymous call. I was groggy from sleep but I found the voice familiar. Then it dawned - Kofi! Goodness, I was so shocked! He called to say happy new year - thanks man! :)
Oh, I was traumatised by Hui - she called me mama! =( Wa liao, I never knew I had this 8 year old daughter! I refused to acknowledge her greetings until she called me jiejie. But once I turned to her, she called me mama-jiejie *faint* And with a smile too adorable to ignore! Truly the baby of our family :)
My nose decided it wasn't happy with me for some reason towards the evening so I slept quite early. Woke early for a jog the next day, cleared my nose, phew!
Did some work until lunch when I had to get ready for all the visiting. CY came and watched me do my make-up etc. Paiseh, girl! Was too slow yesterday :p Then we walked to her place mid afternoon. Relooked our photos from Taiwan and laughed over some stuff again. She also tried to tempt me to go for Singapore Idol! But I prefer to sing Mandarin songs leh.. And I don't fancy queueing the whole day to register for audition. Think the system is crap - since people can sign up online, can't the system allocate audition time instead of asking all the wannabes to queue for a first-come-first-serve audition??
Walked over to Ker's place after that - many of my friends stay around me! He had an open house - I think I shall not have anything of that sort; tough to host people who don't know one another..
Rushed back to put down the mandarin oranges before dinner with KLK. Tok passed by my neighbourhood on his way to town so came by to give me my birthday present - thanks! :)
Na, YS, Kok, MS, Tok and I squeezed at a seat for four cos two were quite late. Only remember one part of our conversation: would you go out with an ugly person? Tok shared that in a seminar he attended, only one girl listed looks as one of top five criteria for a partner. I said she was the only honest girl around. I'm honest too, hee hee.. So they asked me if I would still hold my stand at 30. How about 35? 40? Then YS said they should ask if an ugly guy would ask me out at 40.. $%^&*#$%^&!!
Anyway, we left the restaurant when YX arrived. Kok went back - poor guy had to work today - while the rest of us headed for dbl-O. It was very fun! Drinks were so damn cheap at $3 per shot that we just downed a number before hitting the dancefloor. Results? Two rather pissed girls. Don't know about Na but I could still do differentiation - I've never been good at integration so don't ask me! Strange, every time I show the slightest sign of being tipsy, people will ask me to differentiate or integrate. Is it cos of my maths degree or is it cos we are a bunch of nerds?? :p
I felt quite ok after a couple of burps (heh!) except that I was losing my motor skills. But Na was feeling rather bad so we left. I shared a cab with Tok while MS gave the rest - all westerners - a lift. Five seconds in the cab and I felt truly sick. Had my head down all the time trying to control motion sickness made worse by the drinking while hearing Tok talking with the friendly (he sounded friendly) uncle who said something about penalty of don't-know-how-much should I puke - thought he said it like it happened to him every day..
Anyway, I got back safely without puking in the cab. But I did puke in the end. I was going to change when I felt it coming. I walked slowly (couldn't move faster) to the toilet, recalled with dread the last time I puked from over drinking at Dol's birthday party of four drunk girls, bent over and BUAAAH! Yucks.. Made myself drink some juice to get rid of the smell. Then I stripped down to my underwear and slept, but somehow I managed to sms CY to cancel KTV before that!
Going out soon to watch Geisha with CY - backup plan since I couldn't sing now. Later shall do some work before a jog in the park again. Then it will be a good night's rest before resuming normal working hours from tomorrow!
PS: Strangely, I didn't take pictures this year, hmmm..
The first day with Grams was quite unlike previous years. The lunch was still the same, we sat elbow to elbow eating from the hot pot - literally kuei sio! But after that, we didn't play very much. Played a bit of Game of Life with the cousins. Then some left by mid afternoon. Yan had to go to her godmother's place some time in the pm too so I took a nap while waiting for her to come back so we could carry on our girl talk.
A phonecall woke me from my nap. An anonymous call. I was groggy from sleep but I found the voice familiar. Then it dawned - Kofi! Goodness, I was so shocked! He called to say happy new year - thanks man! :)
Oh, I was traumatised by Hui - she called me mama! =( Wa liao, I never knew I had this 8 year old daughter! I refused to acknowledge her greetings until she called me jiejie. But once I turned to her, she called me mama-jiejie *faint* And with a smile too adorable to ignore! Truly the baby of our family :)
My nose decided it wasn't happy with me for some reason towards the evening so I slept quite early. Woke early for a jog the next day, cleared my nose, phew!
Did some work until lunch when I had to get ready for all the visiting. CY came and watched me do my make-up etc. Paiseh, girl! Was too slow yesterday :p Then we walked to her place mid afternoon. Relooked our photos from Taiwan and laughed over some stuff again. She also tried to tempt me to go for Singapore Idol! But I prefer to sing Mandarin songs leh.. And I don't fancy queueing the whole day to register for audition. Think the system is crap - since people can sign up online, can't the system allocate audition time instead of asking all the wannabes to queue for a first-come-first-serve audition??
Walked over to Ker's place after that - many of my friends stay around me! He had an open house - I think I shall not have anything of that sort; tough to host people who don't know one another..
Rushed back to put down the mandarin oranges before dinner with KLK. Tok passed by my neighbourhood on his way to town so came by to give me my birthday present - thanks! :)
Na, YS, Kok, MS, Tok and I squeezed at a seat for four cos two were quite late. Only remember one part of our conversation: would you go out with an ugly person? Tok shared that in a seminar he attended, only one girl listed looks as one of top five criteria for a partner. I said she was the only honest girl around. I'm honest too, hee hee.. So they asked me if I would still hold my stand at 30. How about 35? 40? Then YS said they should ask if an ugly guy would ask me out at 40.. $%^&*#$%^&!!
Anyway, we left the restaurant when YX arrived. Kok went back - poor guy had to work today - while the rest of us headed for dbl-O. It was very fun! Drinks were so damn cheap at $3 per shot that we just downed a number before hitting the dancefloor. Results? Two rather pissed girls. Don't know about Na but I could still do differentiation - I've never been good at integration so don't ask me! Strange, every time I show the slightest sign of being tipsy, people will ask me to differentiate or integrate. Is it cos of my maths degree or is it cos we are a bunch of nerds?? :p
I felt quite ok after a couple of burps (heh!) except that I was losing my motor skills. But Na was feeling rather bad so we left. I shared a cab with Tok while MS gave the rest - all westerners - a lift. Five seconds in the cab and I felt truly sick. Had my head down all the time trying to control motion sickness made worse by the drinking while hearing Tok talking with the friendly (he sounded friendly) uncle who said something about penalty of don't-know-how-much should I puke - thought he said it like it happened to him every day..
Anyway, I got back safely without puking in the cab. But I did puke in the end. I was going to change when I felt it coming. I walked slowly (couldn't move faster) to the toilet, recalled with dread the last time I puked from over drinking at Dol's birthday party of four drunk girls, bent over and BUAAAH! Yucks.. Made myself drink some juice to get rid of the smell. Then I stripped down to my underwear and slept, but somehow I managed to sms CY to cancel KTV before that!
Going out soon to watch Geisha with CY - backup plan since I couldn't sing now. Later shall do some work before a jog in the park again. Then it will be a good night's rest before resuming normal working hours from tomorrow!
PS: Strangely, I didn't take pictures this year, hmmm..
Friday, 27 January 2006
Let me grumble!!
I was damn pissed earlier on. After dinner, I was sitting on a low table packing some stuff quietly on my own when the stupid bitch hit the table as she threw herself onto the sofa next to it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO SHOCKED IN MY LIFE. The noise, the impact - I felt like something got stuck in my chest. It took me a while to realise what happened and I turned to her only to see her sniggering away at my shock, not the least bit sorry! Of course I shouted at her! But guess what, she shouted back and louder with that stupid face squeezed tight and red!
Fuck, kena a big shock and then kena scolded somemore?!
I had to sing along to a whole CD before I managed to get the shock and some of the anger out of my system. The loud singing helped purged whatever that was stuck in my chest. But I was still angry. I ironed my clothes as I watched the 9pm show.
Still pissed as I'm writing this.
Some might know, I'm not particularly close to my siblings, esp the bitch, two years my junior. Before you give me all that shit about siblings must be close blah blah, hey I didn't choose to have her as blood relation; was a stroke of misfortune.
And I don't forgive easily. Still remember some time in sec, she actually slapped me for changing radio stations and I couldn't fight back cos she is physically bigger; I knew my odds.
I stopped talking to her since then. Any communication between us has been out of necessity, unless I feel charitable. Found her a bigger nuisance after I came back, I can't stand the things she does, the crap she says - I just can't stand her!
1) I'm reading in the shared room at night. She walks in and demands that I switch off the lights so she can sleep. It's still freaking early lor, cos Mother's still watching TV! Naturally, I read on. So, "may all the mosquitoes bite you and you itch to death if you don't switch off the lights!" or "else I'll kick you!" How my blood boils! How evil!
2) But she will watch VCD until late at night if she likes. And guess what, the TV is right next to my bed where my head lies. Fuck.
3) It is normal that she's in front of the TV when I come back late at night. Tired, I'll want a quick shower before sleeping but once she sees me getting ready for the shower, she'll dash to use the toilet. Wtf?!
4) And she is the one taking super long showers lor! Even Mother complains.. Using her "chong liang shou", no doubt.
5) TV is her best friend. One Sat, she said she was bored and asked me to watch her Jap drama VCD. Why should I watch her VCDs when I had my Kenshin? When I told her to buzz off and watch by herself, "I just finished watching." Huh? Then why did she ask me to watch?! "So I can watch it again while you watch, else Mother will nag me for re-watching!" Pls, get a life!
Now the brother.. At a bbq, cousins were asking why YQ couldn't join us. Well, what to do? One likes to watch TV, one likes to sleep! He is a true chip off the old freaking block! Every morning, his alarm will wake everyone but him, MZ will yell to wake him, Mother will nag to wake him. Then he will get up really s l o w l y . . . Sloth! I've said before, haven't I? That sloth is the greatest sin!
It's little consolation that they're not violent.. A friend's sister threw IRONS - the iron-and-ironing-board irons - at her siblings, and pushed the TV off the stand when she did not get her choice of programme! But MZ is close enough, so ya, very little consolation indeed..
I'm glad I'm getting out of this place, and when I'm back, I'll have a safe haven called "my own room".
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO SHOCKED IN MY LIFE. The noise, the impact - I felt like something got stuck in my chest. It took me a while to realise what happened and I turned to her only to see her sniggering away at my shock, not the least bit sorry! Of course I shouted at her! But guess what, she shouted back and louder with that stupid face squeezed tight and red!
Fuck, kena a big shock and then kena scolded somemore?!
I had to sing along to a whole CD before I managed to get the shock and some of the anger out of my system. The loud singing helped purged whatever that was stuck in my chest. But I was still angry. I ironed my clothes as I watched the 9pm show.
Still pissed as I'm writing this.
Some might know, I'm not particularly close to my siblings, esp the bitch, two years my junior. Before you give me all that shit about siblings must be close blah blah, hey I didn't choose to have her as blood relation; was a stroke of misfortune.
And I don't forgive easily. Still remember some time in sec, she actually slapped me for changing radio stations and I couldn't fight back cos she is physically bigger; I knew my odds.
I stopped talking to her since then. Any communication between us has been out of necessity, unless I feel charitable. Found her a bigger nuisance after I came back, I can't stand the things she does, the crap she says - I just can't stand her!
1) I'm reading in the shared room at night. She walks in and demands that I switch off the lights so she can sleep. It's still freaking early lor, cos Mother's still watching TV! Naturally, I read on. So, "may all the mosquitoes bite you and you itch to death if you don't switch off the lights!" or "else I'll kick you!" How my blood boils! How evil!
2) But she will watch VCD until late at night if she likes. And guess what, the TV is right next to my bed where my head lies. Fuck.
3) It is normal that she's in front of the TV when I come back late at night. Tired, I'll want a quick shower before sleeping but once she sees me getting ready for the shower, she'll dash to use the toilet. Wtf?!
4) And she is the one taking super long showers lor! Even Mother complains.. Using her "chong liang shou", no doubt.
5) TV is her best friend. One Sat, she said she was bored and asked me to watch her Jap drama VCD. Why should I watch her VCDs when I had my Kenshin? When I told her to buzz off and watch by herself, "I just finished watching." Huh? Then why did she ask me to watch?! "So I can watch it again while you watch, else Mother will nag me for re-watching!" Pls, get a life!
Now the brother.. At a bbq, cousins were asking why YQ couldn't join us. Well, what to do? One likes to watch TV, one likes to sleep! He is a true chip off the old freaking block! Every morning, his alarm will wake everyone but him, MZ will yell to wake him, Mother will nag to wake him. Then he will get up really s l o w l y . . . Sloth! I've said before, haven't I? That sloth is the greatest sin!
It's little consolation that they're not violent.. A friend's sister threw IRONS - the iron-and-ironing-board irons - at her siblings, and pushed the TV off the stand when she did not get her choice of programme! But MZ is close enough, so ya, very little consolation indeed..
I'm glad I'm getting out of this place, and when I'm back, I'll have a safe haven called "my own room".
Wednesday, 25 January 2006
Education..?
mf: He said he seldom saw me in a skirt, but I only recall seeing him at most twice before today! At least he's quite cute :p
Sito: You should say "you usually see me in nothing" *snigger*
mf: Um, no..
Sito: Why not? Your pipes need cleaning..
mf: .. *thought enters head* Haha! Say that again!
Sito: .. Your pipes need cleaning..?
mf: Pipe. *hahaha* The others *hahaha* are *hahaha* one way only!!
How warped *.* But hey, that's english and bio combined lesson for the less enlightened! :p
Sito: You should say "you usually see me in nothing" *snigger*
mf: Um, no..
Sito: Why not? Your pipes need cleaning..
mf: .. *thought enters head* Haha! Say that again!
Sito: .. Your pipes need cleaning..?
mf: Pipe. *hahaha* The others *hahaha* are *hahaha* one way only!!
How warped *.* But hey, that's english and bio combined lesson for the less enlightened! :p
Fish, another fish, pink
After that fish died, YQ wasted no time filling up the tank again, this time with small small fish, tetra neons or something, plus a couple other slightly bigger fish. They're actually quite pretty under UV light.
He also decorated with all these weeds and ornaments, not possible previously cos that old fish was much bigger.
Can't help feeling weird looking at the old man in the boat. He was supposed to be part of the landscape thing, with the pretty bridge and the kelong hut. But UNDER THE WATER? He's a dead fisherman *.* And he died grouchy and ugly and true to his trade:
The blessing on the sail obviously didn't help..
And talking about fish, Kel sent me this picture a while ago, "this pic is very you"
So is it a mf-ishy fish or am I a fishy mf..?
Apparently, the association between mf and this fish was made based on the colours - pinkish. I suppose people associate me with pink cos
1) I wear pink stuff - it's pretty and easy to wear and match with other pieces
2) If I were to buy a car, it will be in shocking pink - cos I want something different from the boring black, blue and champagne cars you see every two seconds
3) I like the Japanese language - but pls delink me from all the largely pink kawaii culture. My primary trait is not the pink kawaii type *.* And for the record, I didn't take another O-level subject to be kawaii!
I suppose some people also assume pink to be my fav colour. But if you were to ask for my fav colour, I won't say pink - note that this blog isn't even pink.. In fact, don't think I have a single colour preference; it all depends on the object. Eg I like pink cos it's sweet, but I won't insist on a pink mug, or pink cat, or pink - I don't know - pink cookies! Or I like red cos I find it sexy, but you won't find me wearing red from hairclip to toe nails.. If I have to choose, the most pleasing colour for me will be this particular shade of yellow, bright and light, like a bed of daffodils or daisies bathed in sunlight - nice :)
He also decorated with all these weeds and ornaments, not possible previously cos that old fish was much bigger.
Can't help feeling weird looking at the old man in the boat. He was supposed to be part of the landscape thing, with the pretty bridge and the kelong hut. But UNDER THE WATER? He's a dead fisherman *.* And he died grouchy and ugly and true to his trade:
The blessing on the sail obviously didn't help..
And talking about fish, Kel sent me this picture a while ago, "this pic is very you"
So is it a mf-ishy fish or am I a fishy mf..?
Apparently, the association between mf and this fish was made based on the colours - pinkish. I suppose people associate me with pink cos
1) I wear pink stuff - it's pretty and easy to wear and match with other pieces
2) If I were to buy a car, it will be in shocking pink - cos I want something different from the boring black, blue and champagne cars you see every two seconds
3) I like the Japanese language - but pls delink me from all the largely pink kawaii culture. My primary trait is not the pink kawaii type *.* And for the record, I didn't take another O-level subject to be kawaii!
I suppose some people also assume pink to be my fav colour. But if you were to ask for my fav colour, I won't say pink - note that this blog isn't even pink.. In fact, don't think I have a single colour preference; it all depends on the object. Eg I like pink cos it's sweet, but I won't insist on a pink mug, or pink cat, or pink - I don't know - pink cookies! Or I like red cos I find it sexy, but you won't find me wearing red from hairclip to toe nails.. If I have to choose, the most pleasing colour for me will be this particular shade of yellow, bright and light, like a bed of daffodils or daisies bathed in sunlight - nice :)
Tuesday, 24 January 2006
My Lovely Sam-Sun
That's the title of the Korean drama I was talking about earlier in Chinese. Mother was watching it last weekend so I watched too. And the more I watched, the more I liked Sam-sun, the plump girl who made lovely cakes and stuff!
She had no qualms expressing her every thought and emotion, and fighting for what she wanted. Then she talked in the most matter-of-fact manner and with the straightest face even though it was so funny at times. So adorable, I like :) But I also admit I like her cos I'm "huggable" and like to bake cakes too :p
Anyway, found in my old lappy the recipe to the choc cake I mentioned before, the one which I finished (3/4) in an afternoon:
1) Preheat oven to 350F (about 180C?) and dump a tray of hot water at the bottom of the oven
2) Blend these:
200g choc - should be dark choc
180g butter
80g sugar
3) Blend 4-5 tablespoons of flour into four beaten eggs
4) Blend everything and pour into a lined pan to bake for 25-30min
5) Leave it to cool before decorating with icing sugar if you like. Best eaten chilled.
She had no qualms expressing her every thought and emotion, and fighting for what she wanted. Then she talked in the most matter-of-fact manner and with the straightest face even though it was so funny at times. So adorable, I like :) But I also admit I like her cos I'm "huggable" and like to bake cakes too :p
Anyway, found in my old lappy the recipe to the choc cake I mentioned before, the one which I finished (3/4) in an afternoon:
1) Preheat oven to 350F (about 180C?) and dump a tray of hot water at the bottom of the oven
2) Blend these:
200g choc - should be dark choc
180g butter
80g sugar
3) Blend 4-5 tablespoons of flour into four beaten eggs
4) Blend everything and pour into a lined pan to bake for 25-30min
5) Leave it to cool before decorating with icing sugar if you like. Best eaten chilled.
Saturday, 21 January 2006
Lunch in the pantry
There was this day a couple of weeks ago when I came back from lunch at TPY with an egg tart for Joyce Darling. Went to her desk - third behind mine - but it was empty!!!
She has suddenly moved =(
Actually she was posted to another division since early Dec but the physical move was to be later.
But glad that a number of us still meet for lunch, especially Tues yong tau foo, Thurs prawn mee and Fri balls (fishballs, but we like to say balls :p) In fact the regulars are alumni of my division, like LC and Joyce Darling! Besides bitching over articles in Urban - eg deciding who is urban/ suburban/ undecided/ uncategorised, and some time ago we were baffled by a write-up on weird men's briefs (the adjective describes the briefs but, oh well) - we also draw on weird/ funny/ corny stuff we hear from a friend's uncle's colleague's mother..
Missed lunch with them the whole week, and won't see them until next Thurs, sighs.. Eh, a relaxing lunch is key to productive work in the pm ok.. Also motivation for the am :p
The most recent bout of laughter was a prawn mee and Urban day by six of us giggling girls. Siok shared an anecdote from her cultural exchange Asean+Japan trip. They were in a Japanese school and talking about sex education. The Japanese teachers were asking how teachers in Singapore would refer to "penis", as in what word. Guess what some people said? KU-KU-JIAO! (or chiao if you're more ang mo)
Omg, how horrible! Now, a part of Japan will think Singaporeans call the male reproductive organ kukujiao/chiao!
PS: My old lappy is starting to fall apart.. The Z key came off *.*
She has suddenly moved =(
Actually she was posted to another division since early Dec but the physical move was to be later.
But glad that a number of us still meet for lunch, especially Tues yong tau foo, Thurs prawn mee and Fri balls (fishballs, but we like to say balls :p) In fact the regulars are alumni of my division, like LC and Joyce Darling! Besides bitching over articles in Urban - eg deciding who is urban/ suburban/ undecided/ uncategorised, and some time ago we were baffled by a write-up on weird men's briefs (the adjective describes the briefs but, oh well) - we also draw on weird/ funny/ corny stuff we hear from a friend's uncle's colleague's mother..
Missed lunch with them the whole week, and won't see them until next Thurs, sighs.. Eh, a relaxing lunch is key to productive work in the pm ok.. Also motivation for the am :p
The most recent bout of laughter was a prawn mee and Urban day by six of us giggling girls. Siok shared an anecdote from her cultural exchange Asean+Japan trip. They were in a Japanese school and talking about sex education. The Japanese teachers were asking how teachers in Singapore would refer to "penis", as in what word. Guess what some people said? KU-KU-JIAO! (or chiao if you're more ang mo)
Omg, how horrible! Now, a part of Japan will think Singaporeans call the male reproductive organ kukujiao/chiao!
PS: My old lappy is starting to fall apart.. The Z key came off *.*
久病成医？
那天早上起床时，就听到某韩剧女主角的一段话。我不知道是哪部韩剧。因为电视在床旁，早上和晚上都零零碎碎的看了些许，象是那女的不知怎的欠了那男的一笔钱，而他便要求与她“契约恋爱” 以摆脱家人的纠缠。典型韩剧吧。可是我蛮喜欢那女生的，有点儿胖，又喜欢烘蛋糕，象我！:p (就连手机铃声都是一样的！Samsung嘛……)
在“契约”初期一次不如意的早晨，她一边烘蛋糕，一边想：
身体对心说：“我生病的时候有医生医疗。你生病时，有谁为你治病？”
心回答身体：“我生病了，只有自己可以把自己医好。”
有些人心痛的时候会喝酒，有些人会唱歌……我心痛了，就想早起，到厨房做糕点。没有比这样更香甜的医疗方法了。
我一直记着这段话。我想，每个人都有自成一套的所谓coping mechanism吧。留学时期就已经发现家务和烹饪对我来说是一种therapy。我喜欢把桌上的文具等重摆，老爱花上大把时间小心翼翼的把每一件衣物熨好烫好，更热衷于下厨。
记得最后那年，考试压力特别重，因此特别用功。在一个没有心情K书的午后，我烦得要命，就跑到厨房做了一个巧克力蛋糕。因为是临时想做的，冰箱里的牛油不够，我用了近半杯的菜油取代，是一个无敌发胖毒药！而我竟因为心烦，当场就吃下了四分之三！(开动前已分了四分之一给在场的邻居。如果她不在，恐怕我就把整个蛋糕吞了！)
又一次，为dissertation而烦，把冰箱里的食物都拿出来煮了！一个人，五六道肉啊菜啊，眼见吃不完了，幸好当时寄宿我家的朋友回来，陪我吃了一大半，剩下的都留着当隔天的午餐。(吃，也是一种疗程。可是东西吃多了会腻，煮菜做家务却不会；至少我对煮菜家务还没腻！)
前阵子，我常在周末下厨，煮些意大利面，回味留学时代的感觉，也在繁忙的空档里自得其乐一番。刚过去的圣诞，在朋友家大煮一顿，虽然没有象以前那样摆得老大一桌，也乐的很。
(I’m too damn slow typing in Chinese!)
Lately, I’ve been having depressing and sometimes morbid thoughts. Or maybe these evil thoughts crawl into my head, a result of a weak mind..? But no excuse for myself! Despite an exhibited optimism to the world at large, I must admit that my innate pessimism (think my sad CDs which I love so much) is beginning to manifest itself and way too often these days.
I’m glad, though, that I have some tools to make myself feel better, to clear my mind. Although I seldom have the chance to cook in the house these days (time and poor adaptability to using only one lonely hob), I make it a point do my own ironing every week or two, weekend mornings, when people are taking the chance to sleep in. This is healthier than years back, when, as a child, I used to dig my fingernails into my arms when I was really upset or angry - repressed kid, no loud outburst, everything was inward. Anyway, that was a passing phase..
Point is, I don’t want to walk around looking like the world owes me something - if I do, you have to hit me on my head! 敲敲敲敲我的头！ – or as if I’m the saddest person in the world, cos I’m not. I want to appear happy so people around me will feel happy too, but to do that, I cannot be unhappy internally. Actually it’s a cycle la: if I make myself look happy, I can infect myself too. Right? Yes, I think so :)
Nvm, yet another random outburst due to fiction...
在“契约”初期一次不如意的早晨，她一边烘蛋糕，一边想：
身体对心说：“我生病的时候有医生医疗。你生病时，有谁为你治病？”
心回答身体：“我生病了，只有自己可以把自己医好。”
有些人心痛的时候会喝酒，有些人会唱歌……我心痛了，就想早起，到厨房做糕点。没有比这样更香甜的医疗方法了。
我一直记着这段话。我想，每个人都有自成一套的所谓coping mechanism吧。留学时期就已经发现家务和烹饪对我来说是一种therapy。我喜欢把桌上的文具等重摆，老爱花上大把时间小心翼翼的把每一件衣物熨好烫好，更热衷于下厨。
记得最后那年，考试压力特别重，因此特别用功。在一个没有心情K书的午后，我烦得要命，就跑到厨房做了一个巧克力蛋糕。因为是临时想做的，冰箱里的牛油不够，我用了近半杯的菜油取代，是一个无敌发胖毒药！而我竟因为心烦，当场就吃下了四分之三！(开动前已分了四分之一给在场的邻居。如果她不在，恐怕我就把整个蛋糕吞了！)
又一次，为dissertation而烦，把冰箱里的食物都拿出来煮了！一个人，五六道肉啊菜啊，眼见吃不完了，幸好当时寄宿我家的朋友回来，陪我吃了一大半，剩下的都留着当隔天的午餐。(吃，也是一种疗程。可是东西吃多了会腻，煮菜做家务却不会；至少我对煮菜家务还没腻！)
前阵子，我常在周末下厨，煮些意大利面，回味留学时代的感觉，也在繁忙的空档里自得其乐一番。刚过去的圣诞，在朋友家大煮一顿，虽然没有象以前那样摆得老大一桌，也乐的很。
(I’m too damn slow typing in Chinese!)
Lately, I’ve been having depressing and sometimes morbid thoughts. Or maybe these evil thoughts crawl into my head, a result of a weak mind..? But no excuse for myself! Despite an exhibited optimism to the world at large, I must admit that my innate pessimism (think my sad CDs which I love so much) is beginning to manifest itself and way too often these days.
I’m glad, though, that I have some tools to make myself feel better, to clear my mind. Although I seldom have the chance to cook in the house these days (time and poor adaptability to using only one lonely hob), I make it a point do my own ironing every week or two, weekend mornings, when people are taking the chance to sleep in. This is healthier than years back, when, as a child, I used to dig my fingernails into my arms when I was really upset or angry - repressed kid, no loud outburst, everything was inward. Anyway, that was a passing phase..
Point is, I don’t want to walk around looking like the world owes me something - if I do, you have to hit me on my head! 敲敲敲敲我的头！ – or as if I’m the saddest person in the world, cos I’m not. I want to appear happy so people around me will feel happy too, but to do that, I cannot be unhappy internally. Actually it’s a cycle la: if I make myself look happy, I can infect myself too. Right? Yes, I think so :)
Nvm, yet another random outburst due to fiction...
Ok, I lose!
Yes, I always lose whenever I say I'm busy like hell or some other negative things; I always lose to people who say they are busier or worse off one way or another.
Isn't it strange that they don't say "me too" but "I'm worse/ you can't compare to me". Then I can't say anything about my situation anymore cos it's like so not worth mentioning when there's something else so much worse!
Thing is, making such comparison, specifically saying that you're much worse, doesn't make anyone feel better, even if the intent is to make the first person who complains feel better. The first guy will be like, "you mean this is still not bad ah? I'm freaking stuck/overloaded etc!" And the supposedly worse-off guy is only sinking deeper into shit cos he's thinking I'm the worst-I'm the worst-I'm the worst *.*
All of us are busy or stuck etc in different ways, how is one to compare busy-ness or what??? (Almost wrote business :p) If you want to lament, a better way may be to go "same here!" and start to kao beh together for the sake of kah beh-ing! Just get it out of the system together! :p
Fine, so be it! Everyone is in stickier situations than me! I don't mind losing cos I think, by being in the better situation, I'm the ultimate winner! Yoohoo! mf wins! =D
Isn't it strange that they don't say "me too" but "I'm worse/ you can't compare to me". Then I can't say anything about my situation anymore cos it's like so not worth mentioning when there's something else so much worse!
Thing is, making such comparison, specifically saying that you're much worse, doesn't make anyone feel better, even if the intent is to make the first person who complains feel better. The first guy will be like, "you mean this is still not bad ah? I'm freaking stuck/overloaded etc!" And the supposedly worse-off guy is only sinking deeper into shit cos he's thinking I'm the worst-I'm the worst-I'm the worst *.*
All of us are busy or stuck etc in different ways, how is one to compare busy-ness or what??? (Almost wrote business :p) If you want to lament, a better way may be to go "same here!" and start to kao beh together for the sake of kah beh-ing! Just get it out of the system together! :p
Fine, so be it! Everyone is in stickier situations than me! I don't mind losing cos I think, by being in the better situation, I'm the ultimate winner! Yoohoo! mf wins! =D
The rest of P&P
This is waaay overdue! A few more chapters I wish to record here, and I promise, that's it!
Chapter 36, when Elizabeth realised, from Darcy's letter, that Wickham had been the villain. I like the harsh self reproach, tough to admit such brutal truth and discoveries about self.
She grew absolutely ashamed of herself. Of neither Darcy nor Wickham could she think without feeling she had been blind, partial, prejudiced, absurd.
"How despicably I have acted!" she cried; "I, who have prided myself on my discernment! I, who have valued myself on my abilities! who have often disdained the generous candour of my sister, and gratified my vanity in useless or blameable mistrust! How humiliating is this discovery! Yet, how just a humiliation! Had I been in love, I could not have been more wretchedly blind! But vanity, not love, has been my folly. Pleased with the preference of one, and offended by the neglect of the other, on the very beginning of our acquaintance, I have courted prepossession and ignorance, and driven reason away, where either were concerned. Till this moment I never knew myself."
Chapter 50, after Lydia and Wickham had been found. Reiterates that sometimes you never know what you have until it's gone! I'm rather amused by the part in bold..
Elizabeth was now most heartily sorry that she had, from the distress of the moment, been led to make Mr. Darcy acquainted with their fears for her sister; for since her marriage would so shortly give the proper termination to the elopement, they might hope to conceal its unfavourable beginning from all those who were not immediately on the spot.
*blah blah*
From such a connection she could not wonder that he would shrink. The wish of procuring her regard, which she had assured herself of his feeling in Derbyshire, could not in rational expectation survive such a blow as this. She was humbled, she was grieved; she repented, though she hardly knew of what. She became jealous of his esteem, when she could no longer hope to be benefited by it. She wanted to hear of him, when there seemed the least chance of gaining intelligence. She was convinced that she could have been happy with him, when it was no longer likely they should meet.
*blah blah*
She began now to comprehend that he was exactly the man who, in disposition and talents, would most suit her. His understanding and temper, though unlike her own, would have answered all her wishes. It was an union that must have been to the advantage of both; by her ease and liveliness, his mind might have been softened, his manners improved; and from his judgement, information, and knowledge of the world, she must have received benefit of greater importance.
And finally, Chapter 59, when Elizabeth was summoned to her father after Darcy asked him for her.
Her father was walking about the room, looking grave and anxious. "Lizzy," said he, "what are you doing? Are you out of your senses, to be accepting this man? Have not you always hated him?"
How earnestly did she then wish that her former opinions had been more reasonable, her expressions more moderate! It would have spared her from explanations and professions which it was exceedingly awkward to give; but they were now necessary, and she assured him, with some confusion, of her attachment to Mr. Darcy.
*blah blah*
"Lizzy," said her father, "I have given him my consent. He is the kind of man, indeed, to whom I should never dare refuse anything, which he condescended to ask. I now give it to you, if you are resolved on having him. But let me advise you to think better of it. I know your disposition, Lizzy. I know that you could be neither happy nor respectable, unless you truly esteemed your husband; unless you looked up to him as a superior. Your lively talents would place you in the greatest danger in an unequal marriage. You could scarcely escape discredit and misery. My child, let me not have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partner in life. You know not what you are about."
*blah blah*
"Well, my dear," said he, when she ceased speaking, "I have no more to say. If this be the case, he deserves you. I could not have parted with you, my Lizzy, to anyone less worthy."
I've said it before and I will say it again: I like Mr Bennet :)
Chapter 36, when Elizabeth realised, from Darcy's letter, that Wickham had been the villain. I like the harsh self reproach, tough to admit such brutal truth and discoveries about self.
She grew absolutely ashamed of herself. Of neither Darcy nor Wickham could she think without feeling she had been blind, partial, prejudiced, absurd.
"How despicably I have acted!" she cried; "I, who have prided myself on my discernment! I, who have valued myself on my abilities! who have often disdained the generous candour of my sister, and gratified my vanity in useless or blameable mistrust! How humiliating is this discovery! Yet, how just a humiliation! Had I been in love, I could not have been more wretchedly blind! But vanity, not love, has been my folly. Pleased with the preference of one, and offended by the neglect of the other, on the very beginning of our acquaintance, I have courted prepossession and ignorance, and driven reason away, where either were concerned. Till this moment I never knew myself."
Chapter 50, after Lydia and Wickham had been found. Reiterates that sometimes you never know what you have until it's gone! I'm rather amused by the part in bold..
Elizabeth was now most heartily sorry that she had, from the distress of the moment, been led to make Mr. Darcy acquainted with their fears for her sister; for since her marriage would so shortly give the proper termination to the elopement, they might hope to conceal its unfavourable beginning from all those who were not immediately on the spot.
*blah blah*
From such a connection she could not wonder that he would shrink. The wish of procuring her regard, which she had assured herself of his feeling in Derbyshire, could not in rational expectation survive such a blow as this. She was humbled, she was grieved; she repented, though she hardly knew of what. She became jealous of his esteem, when she could no longer hope to be benefited by it. She wanted to hear of him, when there seemed the least chance of gaining intelligence. She was convinced that she could have been happy with him, when it was no longer likely they should meet.
*blah blah*
She began now to comprehend that he was exactly the man who, in disposition and talents, would most suit her. His understanding and temper, though unlike her own, would have answered all her wishes. It was an union that must have been to the advantage of both; by her ease and liveliness, his mind might have been softened, his manners improved; and from his judgement, information, and knowledge of the world, she must have received benefit of greater importance.
And finally, Chapter 59, when Elizabeth was summoned to her father after Darcy asked him for her.
Her father was walking about the room, looking grave and anxious. "Lizzy," said he, "what are you doing? Are you out of your senses, to be accepting this man? Have not you always hated him?"
How earnestly did she then wish that her former opinions had been more reasonable, her expressions more moderate! It would have spared her from explanations and professions which it was exceedingly awkward to give; but they were now necessary, and she assured him, with some confusion, of her attachment to Mr. Darcy.
*blah blah*
"Lizzy," said her father, "I have given him my consent. He is the kind of man, indeed, to whom I should never dare refuse anything, which he condescended to ask. I now give it to you, if you are resolved on having him. But let me advise you to think better of it. I know your disposition, Lizzy. I know that you could be neither happy nor respectable, unless you truly esteemed your husband; unless you looked up to him as a superior. Your lively talents would place you in the greatest danger in an unequal marriage. You could scarcely escape discredit and misery. My child, let me not have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partner in life. You know not what you are about."
*blah blah*
"Well, my dear," said he, when she ceased speaking, "I have no more to say. If this be the case, he deserves you. I could not have parted with you, my Lizzy, to anyone less worthy."
I've said it before and I will say it again: I like Mr Bennet :)
Bits and pieces..
The whole week was a haze; time flies when I'm busy. I remember that two new female colleagues joined us on Mon; one a marathon runner and the other an am-pro in rumba! Wow.. What did I do on Tues..? Argh! Can't remember!
Wed was a bad day - gastric pain from about 4pm. I don't know why! I had lunch at 1+ and I ate slow so it couldn't be indigestion. It was a mild one so I went for ballroom anyway. But somehow it got a bit worse and I had to sit and watch; couldn't dance cos I couldn't straighten, had to keep bent to comfort my tummy. I rated it a moderate gastric attack by then. Was in pain for about 8hours in all before I slept - had compulsively insisted on finishing up some work I neglected. Thanks all for your concern :) I promise to see a doctor some day! In fact I've just made an appointment for a full medical in Feb..
Talking about health, I received a call one night (can't remember when!) from TTSH to ask me if I would like take part in a study (not clinical trial) to document the use of an immunity drug against dust mite allergy. Of course I do! Anything to cure this! My first visit (out of five in a year and a half) is scheduled a week after CNY. Excited!
Oh, I suddenly remember, Tues was farewell lunch for HK. Dor collated a booklet of things we wrote for him and had FK read out the hilarious poem on the front page - there was a line that says "HK, our division daddy"! Omg..
And Na is back from a work trip in China! She was telling me on Thurs night about what she bought, the food there and the "amazing" toilets - think we dwelt on that last bit for quite a while :p
Yesterday I was supposed to finish up some stuff and almost forgot about our monthly healthy lifestyle activity! I wanted to visit the NEWater plant very much so I went despite the outstanding work - which was why I worked until freaking 140am last night. But wait, that wasn't a complaint :p The tour was worth it though it was quite short. Good to know something about the water we drink! In fact, I find the experience simply faaantastic! That was the stupid pet phrase of the virtual guide, obviously catered for school kids..
Oh after blogging last night, I received an sms from TC asking me to send his 7pm email back to him cos he had to resend with some amendments. That was like freaking 2am! Just thought it incredible that he would think that I wasn't asleep and that he had assumed I had my lappy with me - the unfortunate thing was that he was actually right on both counts! Anyway, just heard he sent to LH and HK too, so I'm not checking my email anymore, heh heh!
Wed was a bad day - gastric pain from about 4pm. I don't know why! I had lunch at 1+ and I ate slow so it couldn't be indigestion. It was a mild one so I went for ballroom anyway. But somehow it got a bit worse and I had to sit and watch; couldn't dance cos I couldn't straighten, had to keep bent to comfort my tummy. I rated it a moderate gastric attack by then. Was in pain for about 8hours in all before I slept - had compulsively insisted on finishing up some work I neglected. Thanks all for your concern :) I promise to see a doctor some day! In fact I've just made an appointment for a full medical in Feb..
Talking about health, I received a call one night (can't remember when!) from TTSH to ask me if I would like take part in a study (not clinical trial) to document the use of an immunity drug against dust mite allergy. Of course I do! Anything to cure this! My first visit (out of five in a year and a half) is scheduled a week after CNY. Excited!
Oh, I suddenly remember, Tues was farewell lunch for HK. Dor collated a booklet of things we wrote for him and had FK read out the hilarious poem on the front page - there was a line that says "HK, our division daddy"! Omg..
And Na is back from a work trip in China! She was telling me on Thurs night about what she bought, the food there and the "amazing" toilets - think we dwelt on that last bit for quite a while :p
Yesterday I was supposed to finish up some stuff and almost forgot about our monthly healthy lifestyle activity! I wanted to visit the NEWater plant very much so I went despite the outstanding work - which was why I worked until freaking 140am last night. But wait, that wasn't a complaint :p The tour was worth it though it was quite short. Good to know something about the water we drink! In fact, I find the experience simply faaantastic! That was the stupid pet phrase of the virtual guide, obviously catered for school kids..
Oh after blogging last night, I received an sms from TC asking me to send his 7pm email back to him cos he had to resend with some amendments. That was like freaking 2am! Just thought it incredible that he would think that I wasn't asleep and that he had assumed I had my lappy with me - the unfortunate thing was that he was actually right on both counts! Anyway, just heard he sent to LH and HK too, so I'm not checking my email anymore, heh heh!
Finally! It feels like CNY!
Just came back from the market. Haven't been there for some time and this CNY season, it was totally transformed! Bright colours of red and gold decoration pieces for sale, the spread of cute little red pineapples and the big ugly green ones, big round piles of lime green pomelos and boxes and boxes of mandarin oranges!
But the most amazing was the good old supermarket - the area outside the store was way bigger than the store itself! Under the canvas sheet was the whole range of CNY goodies in addition to the usual tidbits and everywhere I went I bumped into aunties and uncles trying to buy all they could, since there is only one week to go before the new year.
Mother had bought the goodies earlier; this trip was just part of her normal shopping routine. I had tagged on to get myself some facial foam, which I didn't buy in the end cos it was no longer as cheap as some time ago - I'll go find it in Watson's later..
Then she bought two ugly pineapples to make PINEAPPLE TARTS!! I hope she's making the rolled type - I like :) Oh the guy selling pineapples used this super sharp parang to skin the fruits. I was totally mesmerised watching him cut off the ends of the pineapples like they were paper and then proceed to cut away the rest of the sharp bits. I think he could skin pineapples faster than I could apples *.*
I like going to the market now that I'm older. Suddenly it seems very interesting. The very "heartland" kind of bustling, quite different from the crowds in town. And unlike the designed lightings in town, the colours and sounds in the market are all haphazard, all natural! I regret not having a camera at hand..
As a young kid, I used to fear the market. Too crowded. And I was afraid of slipping in the fish area so I would grab Mother's skirt tightly since her hands would be full. As I grew older, it was safe enough to let me wait outside the wet market while she chose the fish.
One day, I think it was just before CNY 1999, I went to the market with her. No longer the frightful kid but it was too crowded so I waited outside anyway. I was facing the market when I heard someone shouting behind me "lai ah!" Instinct was to turn around to see, right? Imagine my shock when, the moment I turned, this man dashed by right in front of my eyes carrying a BUTCHERED PIG, WHOLE FROM HEAD TO TAIL!!
I could only stare at the thing that just passed less than a metre away. Wow, first time I saw anything like that! The man emerged from the market after a while and continued to ferry gigantic pieces of pork from his truck. Saw three or four in all, thought the colour looked quite different from the packed pork in supermarkets.. Then it struck me that what I saw was the skin colour :p
Told Mother I'm going to make a dish for the eve dinner - homemade meatball stew :) I only saw the finished product on TV while waiting for my lunch one day. It looked good so I must replicate - just cook, pork never goes too wrong!
Yes, I'm getting excited over CNY now :)
But the most amazing was the good old supermarket - the area outside the store was way bigger than the store itself! Under the canvas sheet was the whole range of CNY goodies in addition to the usual tidbits and everywhere I went I bumped into aunties and uncles trying to buy all they could, since there is only one week to go before the new year.
Mother had bought the goodies earlier; this trip was just part of her normal shopping routine. I had tagged on to get myself some facial foam, which I didn't buy in the end cos it was no longer as cheap as some time ago - I'll go find it in Watson's later..
Then she bought two ugly pineapples to make PINEAPPLE TARTS!! I hope she's making the rolled type - I like :) Oh the guy selling pineapples used this super sharp parang to skin the fruits. I was totally mesmerised watching him cut off the ends of the pineapples like they were paper and then proceed to cut away the rest of the sharp bits. I think he could skin pineapples faster than I could apples *.*
I like going to the market now that I'm older. Suddenly it seems very interesting. The very "heartland" kind of bustling, quite different from the crowds in town. And unlike the designed lightings in town, the colours and sounds in the market are all haphazard, all natural! I regret not having a camera at hand..
As a young kid, I used to fear the market. Too crowded. And I was afraid of slipping in the fish area so I would grab Mother's skirt tightly since her hands would be full. As I grew older, it was safe enough to let me wait outside the wet market while she chose the fish.
One day, I think it was just before CNY 1999, I went to the market with her. No longer the frightful kid but it was too crowded so I waited outside anyway. I was facing the market when I heard someone shouting behind me "lai ah!" Instinct was to turn around to see, right? Imagine my shock when, the moment I turned, this man dashed by right in front of my eyes carrying a BUTCHERED PIG, WHOLE FROM HEAD TO TAIL!!
I could only stare at the thing that just passed less than a metre away. Wow, first time I saw anything like that! The man emerged from the market after a while and continued to ferry gigantic pieces of pork from his truck. Saw three or four in all, thought the colour looked quite different from the packed pork in supermarkets.. Then it struck me that what I saw was the skin colour :p
Told Mother I'm going to make a dish for the eve dinner - homemade meatball stew :) I only saw the finished product on TV while waiting for my lunch one day. It looked good so I must replicate - just cook, pork never goes too wrong!
Yes, I'm getting excited over CNY now :)
Satisfied.. enough
Just finished some work at 140am. Could tune further but I never know when to stop tuning and my brain is fried, I'll make do with less than perfect :)
In the past 6hours, I've been referring to this 43-page report by this old fellow. It's long and it's work but his style of writing made the length seem short and the dry stats interesting. I enjoyed it so much I actually re-read some parts!
Think we cannot be so serious all the time. All the papers I've seen before this are very serious, those that can render your caffeine useless if the contents are not to your taste. Or even if the contents are to your taste!
Recall that when I was using S-plus for stats, I was so crap in it that one day I decided I would read all the tips of the day at one sitting! So I read.. And I discovered, to much delight, that every so often, the Insightful people - they created S-plus or something - will insert something random, like "It always rains in Seattle, stay away. I know, because I work here." (not too certain if the second line exists - could be a figment of my imagination!)
Sleep first, tomorrow - er, daylight - I'll make my absence earlier this week felt! :p
In the past 6hours, I've been referring to this 43-page report by this old fellow. It's long and it's work but his style of writing made the length seem short and the dry stats interesting. I enjoyed it so much I actually re-read some parts!
Think we cannot be so serious all the time. All the papers I've seen before this are very serious, those that can render your caffeine useless if the contents are not to your taste. Or even if the contents are to your taste!
Recall that when I was using S-plus for stats, I was so crap in it that one day I decided I would read all the tips of the day at one sitting! So I read.. And I discovered, to much delight, that every so often, the Insightful people - they created S-plus or something - will insert something random, like "It always rains in Seattle, stay away. I know, because I work here." (not too certain if the second line exists - could be a figment of my imagination!)
Sleep first, tomorrow - er, daylight - I'll make my absence earlier this week felt! :p
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