Saturday, 6 August 2005

Of dogs and men (and women)

Woke damn early Thurs morning to get to Punggol jetty for the 8am ferry to Ubin for division retreat. We had workplan presentation and a discussion on our employee opinion survey before a late lunch at 2pm. Played a little game modelled after the Amazing Race after that. Though my team didn't win (we came in second), it was great fun! The day was rewarded with yummy seafood, first time I had black pepper crabs - ya, very sua ku I know..

As part of the team building aspect for the retreat, we went to East Coast on Wed afternoon to play baseball but with tennis balls. Four rounds later, "We're better" showed that they were indeed better than "We're the best", beating the latter about 17-8. Happy to say I contributed to the 17 :)

LH bought her two hyperactive dogs, Jack Russells if I recall correctly, to run about the field. They were so soft to the touch and absolutely charming! Reminded me of the puppy my paternal grandmother gave me when I was about five, but Mother didn't like it so we didn't keep him for long. I was very sad but now, there's no way I will keep one; my nose may object for one, and I don't have the time.

Always have this impression - don't know if correct - that dogs need human affection and someone to play with, and can grow to love their carers in the most human way. And you won't need a leash to keep them with you; they run off but they won't be far and will always come back to you. Time aside, it seems too much pressure to bear; I won't be able to give that kind of devotion. Woe to any dog that lands in my care!

Because of that, and because I like them, I think cats are a more suitable pet for me, nose aside. They are independent, they won't pester me for attention. In fact, I may have to beg them to play with me! Love the way they seem to live in a world of their own, without a need for anything..

Have I mentioned before that I want to be a cat if there's a next life? Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, there's an image of me as a grey-white cat, perched on a window sill and staring out of the window the whole time, likely shaped by a letter pad I had a long time ago with the exact same dreamy picture. I have two interpretations of this self-perceived impression:

1) Satisfied with living with herself, she's content to turn her back on all the luxurious settings or parties behind her, and just watch the sun and garden outside, thinking her own god-knows-what thoughts.. An absolute state of zen.
2) She's yearning for the freedom that eludes her, just out of reach beyond a thin yet impermeable pane of glass. All she can do is to stare passively, resigned to fate.

Recent (as in past few years) emotions seem to be riding the waves of these two stages. At this very moment, I'm happy just to be sitting here and blabbering. But in an instant, I can slip off the crest, pining for, eg the day my room is completed. I hope my destination is based on the first scenario.

Actually I'm toying with the idea of getting a pet when I get my own room. Want some living company. A cat is too big for my room, but a hamster will be nice. It suits me since it can easily entertain itself on a running wheel. Just that it's always scurrying around and not quiet like the cat. Gee, sounds like I want a pet that mirrors mf in solitude! Reminds me of my poor terrapin..

When I was about nine, Mother brought a terrapin back from a Sun market trip. I loved it! But a Sun a year or so later, the little creature stopped poking out its tiny head for food and its cute palms ceased to paddle about. I wanted to bring him downstairs to give him a proper burial but Mother said to dump him down the chute and I actually did just that. Still remember the tug at my heart when I released my grip. Guilt, it is a horrible disease that eats at you.

Something in the Korean drama Autumn in my Heart aka Endless Love came to mind. This guy didn't want a pet or plant cos he would be very sad if it were to die. The kid mf was very sad when little terrapin died. But now, as an adult, I don't think I'll be too sad if my pet dies. I mean, everyone dies someday. I'll be grateful if the time spent living is well worth. Just make sure it gets a decent burial for closure.

So I may still get a pet :)

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