Standing tall, standing strong

My last day of MC. Still feeling super sian about the whole thing, but I will be fine.

My first day of restarting TCM to condition my body. Bitter, yes, but I will endure it..

Today, ZK's IFC was closed for teambuilding. It's very tiring to have him at home the whole day cos he would not just play in his play area and I keep having to go after him and persuade him back without him getting pissed. He likes to extend his play to our shoes, the router, the washing machine, the drying rack and even the rubbish chute!

So we must go out, and our day started with dim sum at Red Star. Sito decided on that as it's such an institution and I'd never been there.

The first thing we ordered was porridge so that ZK could have his lunch - he finished 80% of the bowl! We ate slowly as it was push-cart style so we had to wait for things to come our way.. ZK fell asleep before we were done, cos he napped for only 30 min in the morning. I think I like the experience and most of the items we had, especially the durian pancake! Sito just read that the egg tarts are good - I didn't order cos Sito doesn't eat egg tarts :( Next time!

ZK woke on the way home so we got off the train earlier to go to Happy Willow at One North. We had a lot of fun there, and all for $10! Pictures later...

At first, we set him in the ball pool.



Then he crawled about on the mat and played with blocks and other toys. He was so happy and started standing up on his own and stayed standing for quite a while and even clapped his hands! :) It was such an improvement from Wednesday night when he delighted me by standing up on his own without support! But he did that on his bed so it wasn't steady. And I was so afraid he would fall off his bed if he did that without me around!



He did fall at Happy Willow when he let go of a giant cushion and took a step forward! But he got up promptly and all were happy although a red mark appeared briefly on his little left cheek.

He also wandered to a wooden horse and rode on it!



When I put him on a little chair, he took a cup and brought it to his mouth - now who taught him that?! Time to sterilise the sippy cup for first use! An older boy saw him as customer and brought him "food" - quite cute :)



We emerged after some two hours, when ZK got tired. We packed our dinner at One North and got some groceries from Cold Storage downstairs before coming back to rest. ZK was really tired so we packed him off to bed before 7 pm.

We thought Happy Willow was great for ZK and us although Sito thought it was more tiring for him there than at home while I thought the opposite for me.

mf: You know why?
Sito: Why?
mf: Cos when we're home, you're usually in bed!

In Happy Willow, we just sat at arm's length and watched ZK play, intervening only when necessary, like when he was in the ball pool to prevent him from sinking all the way in and protecting him from older but clueless toddlers. The place was well equipped and friendly. We changed his diapers and warmed up a bottle of water for his afternoon milk feed there.

Anyway, I'm wondering when I should wean ZK from nursing. In the past week or so, ZK hasn't been nursing like he did. The duration is shorter, his suction is on-off, and on Wednesday morning, he even poked at my nipple before almost leaping off my lap! I felt so rejected *.* Well, better that he be ready to wean than for me to wean him if he's not ready.. I'll just carry on and see what happens...

Goodbye, Formalin-kun

Sito and I talked about this before - that when we have another baby, it will not be because we want a sibling for ZK, but because we want another child in our life. But by a bad twist of fate, we have sent another angel baby to accompany our two-year-old angel baby in heaven...

This is in remembrance of this angel baby..

We first found ourselves pregnant on Wednesday, 29 May 2013. It was an omg moment when the dark positive line appeared immediately even before the control line.

We hadn't expected it for several reasons. First, I didn't test positive for ovulation, although I did spot some egg white mucous on Monday, 6 May 2013. And, Sito was only at home on weekends! We tried so hard for ZK and this one happened over weekends?! I wasn't even very anxious to test for pregnancy cos it was only my second period since my period returned so I thought it could be weird. I even bought test kits online and waited patiently for their arrival.

But we were excited :)

Finally met our gynae on 10 Jun 2013. He made a funny comment about Sito being amorous! But he was all serious when it came to the scan. We dated six weeks and three days with an EDD of 31 Jan 2014, the first day of LNY 2014. He found that it was my right ovary that popped. He also found the likely cause of some light spotting - a streak of blood next to the sac. So he put me on the angmoh version of 安胎药 - some hormone pills, and the spotting disappeared after some 10-12 days of medication.

Then, yesterday, we had a nice little chat before the scan as he had some cancellations due to the haze. And all were happy until the scan. I noticed two things immediately and simultaneously - that the baby had grown quite a bit, and that there was no flicker, no heartbeat. Doc turned quiet once the picture came on too. After a while, he gave me the bad news. He showed me that the machine detected sound signals from my pulsating blood vessels but nothing from the foetus. He also showed me how well it had grown - the head, the spine, where the umbilical cord connected baby to me.

I felt so disappointed. I was just getting over the initial surprise and really looking forward to this baby. But I wasn't as devastated as last time, perhaps cos I hadn't spent a lot of time talking to it yet, being busy with ZK and work and not being always aware of the new pregnancy. But that also means I have quite some regrets with regard to this poor little baby. I don't think I have even told it I loved it. And then it was gone...

So I went for a D&C this morning. Saw the nurse prepare some solution in a small bottle to hold the foetus which would be sent for a histology. I immediately thought of Formalin-kun in the drama Jin, which we watched a few years ago. Anyway, I fell asleep after an injection and found myself awake 90 min later. Waited for Sito to pick me up. Had ginger fried rice from Mum and slept until almost 6 pm. Sito went to IFC in my place. ZK was happy to see me when he was home. It felt so good to hug him...

I'm feeling ok now. I think I'll go see TCM tmr. Sito has got himself out of his company retreat to Penang so he could be with me this week. Glad for him by my side. And our little boy next door. May our angels in heaven keep watch over us as we keep them in our heart..

Monday update

Last weekend was pretty short. Saturday around noon, I rushed out to get totobobo masks when the drugstore near office called me to say that they had stock. Left ZK with Mum and Ah Yee but it was hard leaving him cos he wanted to leave with me :(

Anyway, the mask at its smallest size was still too big for ZK. Thankfully, the haze let up over the weekend!

We were supposed to go out for dinner. Sito wanted to try the new ramen place at Star Vista. But when he woke at 4 pm (he had been coming home at 3-4 am most of the past week!), he told me he had to go to office :(

Poor ZK was so bored at home - he hadn't been out the whole day! We used to go grocery shopping or a short walk every Saturday and Sunday morning. Each activity could only hold his attention for a short while. Anyway, I managed to survive and pack him off to bed before ordering McDelivery. I was both sad and happy over dinner, ha!

Very happy to be able to take this picture on Saturday - smiling so happily! :)



He also held my hands and walked forward happily in the morning. So cute to see him walk! A bit like zombie, haha!

Sunday was better, though he was very fussy in the morning. Turned out that he wanted to nap! That was an early but long nap - 8.30 am for two hours! :) But he had a pretty late breakfast. I gave him less cereals than usual else he wouldn't be able to take lunch until 2 pm!

Love seeing him in this outfit - he looks like he's wearing a hipster. So beng beng, with the pockets at the thigh!! Very busy boy in this picture, playing with both the ball and the activity table.



Then he found a paper bag on the table, and he took the masks - Mum got the masks but they were too big for him and he of course wouldn't have any of it! - out of the bag and attempted to put them back in so many times...



Until he got distracted by the string of the bag!



And this boy is good at calling Papa - he said "Papa" and crawled into our room, stood up to look at Sito, and said "Papa" again! But Papa was sleeping... And, eh, he hasn't called me "Mama" to my face for quite a while.. *jealous*

As usual, we had lunch at Mum's place but Sito arrived much later cos he was catching up on sleep as he got home at 3-4 am again :( I was tired too and dozed off, waking to find ZK happily having his lunch :) Then he took a nap. After Sito had his lunch, we left ZK sleeping there and came back to work - his paid work and my unpaid housework!

When ZK came back, we went out immediately to swim spa! He was kicking quite a bit yesterday :) Big boy now :) And dinner was at the new Pu Tien at Vivocity. ZK had so much to eat! Bee hoon, noodles, seaweed, tofu, sweet and sour pork! He also wanted to drink water from my glass. He managed to taste a bit. Slowly, boy, you'll get there :)

Returned to find that home smelled unused, cos the windows were all closed and the aircon was off! Very strange...

Anyway, I worked from home today. Quite shiok cos ZK woke at 5.15 am and I managed to go back to bed after dropping him off at IFC, until 8.20 am when I woke to work in my PJs. And I had a medical appointment in the afternoon, which didn't turn out very well... I'll save that for tomorrow.. Gotta get some work done..

hello, randoms!

I look out of my windows and see haze. That must mean that there's haze in my house too except that it's too close to be noticed? And if the haze permeates all spaces, it must mean there's freaking haze in ZK's inverted bottles on the drying rack?!

*.*

Anyway, we're both safe in our respective rooms with aircon, away from the awful 150+ PSI. Seriously, they must burn year after year after year??!

Thankfully, they've stopped the demolition works on the enbloc flats outside. This was the second block to go, about one third through.. Two more point blocks to go...



Talking about our neighbourhood.. Took this some time ago - how peaceful... Made me want to be a cat too..



Chanced upon an impending cat fight one weekend morning :p But I saw a three-legged cat this morning, so poor thing.. I wonder if it was due to cat fights...



And about my first neighbourhood... Thanks to Kel, I now have new photos of giant tomatoes! First shown here and shared here, the two huge ones are apparently now in AMK central. And somewhere nearby are these big ones too!


Source: Kel

Whole pathway of them!


Source: Kel

And how about some nostalgia - remember this?!



And taking out a mechanical sharpener - or whatever you call that - to put it at the corner of the school desk?? That was what prompted me to take this picture off the wall of a MRT station in town.



We went to the showflat of our new place and saw that it was a crime scene!! Later, Sito couldn't help but return the fallen men to rest - standing - upon the nearby trees...



Hello! My name is Kappa, and mf calls me Kappa-chan!



mf says, "so sweet but it's got mould on its butt" :)



Next up, post pictures of ZK :)

Fathers' Day weekend

Actually, we didn't know it was this Sunday until dinner yesterday when the waiter asked if we were celebrating Fathers' Day!

We were at Morganfield's for ribs. It was very nice! Firstly, the food was good - we ordered this huge plate of meat advertised on the placemats to share. And, kids eat free! So ordered chicken tenders as I wanted him to hold it and eat it on his own. Fish fingers are good too but they tend to be more processed..

Excited over his menu :)



Anyway, we were not disappointed when the food arrived :) ZK's not-so-little plate came first. He looked at it apprehensively, and not too impressed. But he swiftly reached out to grab something - anything!



I gave him a chip to hold and eat. He promptly dropped it! Decided to pinch out the chicken for him instead of letting him hold. But first, off with the breaded portion! Quite pleased to find real chicken fillet inside, and not some processed chicken meat. Even more pleased that ZK was happy to eat them - I guess no kid can resist chips?! After a few pinches of chicken and chips, we gave him another chip to hold. This time, he managed to feed himself! :)



When our food arrived, Sito had the honour of cutting it up and feeding me while I fed ZK :p Quite happy, especially about seeing ZK feed himself and eating chunks of meat instead of the usual mince :)

The waiting staff there were pretty friendly too. ZK dropped his menu many times. Most of the time, Sito picked it up. But a few times, a couple of waiters passing by picked it up. One of them even stopped to play with him. Later, same waiter asked if we were from Hong Kong! Um, strange! He sounded Singaporean but he said he was from Malaysia. We heard a few others who sounded very local too. Quite a surprise not to hear mainland Chinese accent or see visibly foreign wait staff these days..

We had mango frozen yogurt cake after that, yes, including ZK! We tried -18C at the basement - got the idea of getting a frozen yogurt cake from LS as we wanted ZK to get to eat his own cake too. They can't customise a design for us but I think I may get a cake topper instead... See how..

Today, ZK had yet another culinary adventure - shabu shabu! He had rice, dory, tofu and pumpkin :) And later, I thought he could do with some wagyu so I fed him small pieces with my chopsticks :p And then, I thought he should also have some vege so I tore out pieces of xiao bai cai for him :p He also had a tiny bit of matcha icecream and durian crunchy McFlurry minus the crunch!

Now, food aside... ZK had a haircut today, and he was so good about it - he wasn't fussy at all! Now his hair is shorter and neater. By his birthday next month, he will be a 小帅哥 again :)

Oh, but we had such a scare this morning. ZK was on our bed and suddenly he crawled very fast to the edge and dropped over! Luckily Sito caught him! Gee! Just a few minutes ago, he was getting off the bed legs first - what made him so overly excited this time?!

But he had a small achievement at our bed too - he let go and hit his palms against an invisible wall over his head! Once, he promptly held on to the bed. Another time, he fell on his bum. But he was pleased :)

Sito spent some time alone with ZK yesterday as I couldn't be back in time to fetch him from IFC. Seems that he wasn't able to settle very well without me around. But when I was back, he didn't stick to me either; he was quite happy playing with Papa too. I guess he's attached to me in a good way, but I think he needs to be attached to Papa this way too..

Anyway, I couldn't make it back as I was visiting Na - she just had a little girl! :) So sweet! And so tiny! I don't remember ZK being this small almost a year back! He's now more than 9 kg and the IFC measured him at 72 cm a few weeks ago.. Can't wait for him to turn one - not like he will suddenly eat and poop and sleep by himself! But well, it's nice to see your kid grow up :)

PS: I've been lazy uploading photos from my phone to my laptop but I'll do it soon and go back to insert pictures in all the June posts!

Baby talk

ZK pointed at me and said mama while waiting for the lift!! :)

Before that, I thought he said 猫 when I pointed one out to him.

And back at home, he looked at the light and said 灯灯 finally!

Love hearing him talk :)

Anyway, today was the first day back at IFC! And we barely stepped into the grounds when it started pouring crazily! So lucky...

Had to bring along a doctor's letter certifying him fit for school. Brought him to the doctor at 8.30 am yesterday. Everything was fine but there was a red spot on his thigh away from the other ex-spotty area that the doctor couldn't be sure if it was HFMD. So he told me to monitor until Tuesday - if it disappeared, could certify fit; if it did not disappear, it was probably not HFMD, also could certify fit... Wth?!

We got a second opinion at 10.30 am. This older doctor was great - he checked ZK's mouth, hands and feet. "If there is no rash on the hands and feet, then it's not hand foot mouth la!" He had a point!! So yes, we got our letter. Papa and Mama were happy. ZK was happy too - back to more toys at IFC!!

Anyway, I don't know if it was linked to our first day in school/at work after a week away, but I had a dream last night - I dreamt that I was looking for my NJ uniform on the morning that school started, and I could find only the top!! I was freaking out in my dream *.* It was not the first time I dreamt of uniform trouble but I can't remember if I had such a dream on my first day of something too..

Oh, yesterday morning, something funny happened. ZK was nursing but got distracted by my phone on his bed. So he let go and went for the phone. It was about 10 min so I thought he had had enough so I drew my PJs shut again - I wore the top kimono style. Then he dropped the phone and turned to me only to find no milk milk factory. He kept staring at my PJs. And then, slowly, he pulled on my top until he saw flesh. Pulled more and ah, food! And he had more to drink. It must be the first time he found food himself! Dear baby, one more month ok? After that, it's the bottle, sigh...

Less happy day

Cos my tummy was funny today :( The first time, ZK was strapped in his seat so I just kept talking while in the toilet. He was quite happy kicking his legs and hitting his tray and occasionally seeing my outstretched arm from the toilet. Yes, I had to keep the door open!

The second time, I left him in a hurry in our bedroom where he was flipping books. While in the toilet, I was so worried that he would wander to the stroller area and fibre connection area. Well, no fear, cos he chased a plastic ball to the kitchen instead - I could see him kneeling and looking under the cabinet for his ball. "Uh-oh" :p Super cute :) But the next thing I knew, he crawled in *.* Super gross!! But he wasn't interested in me at all. He was trying to go for the slippers and peering over me at the toilet brush. In between supporting the little standing man and stopping him from grabbing stuff, I somehow managed to clean up but one little hand touched the toilet bowl - yeeks! Wash hands together!

Then poor ZK caught his left fourth finger in the kitchen stand cabinet too. It was slight but he cried for a couple of minutes. Poor thing :( So besides the drawer in our bedside table, he can now open the kitchen stand cabinet and a drawer in the built-in cabinet which contains baby-proofing stuff, what irony..

Taken the next day - he put it into his mouth just as I snapped this shot! Look so funny :p



Oh, I forgot to mention earlier - ZK can point at stuff now. But the only thing he could definitely name is his plastic ball. And he doesn't point to that - he either looks at it or holds it up for me. He also seems to understand the phone - he brought it to his ears (or thereabouts!) a few times.

And, very important - he seems to like durian! Had three little bits from my durian strudel :)

Today also marks the first time he took two long naps - more than 1.5 hr each! Hmmm, seems like quite a happy day leh, heh :p

Anyway, another reason I'm not all happy is that I'm having a dull gastric pain now. Nothing debilitating but it just hurts continuously. I should find a better position than this.

Happy day!

Cos ZK was happy today!

We played and read in the morning. He didn't ask to be carried a lot, which was good. He napped for only a short while in the morning but it was enough for me to cook his porridge and wash up, phew!

Then we played until lunch time, when, yes, blasphemy wrt my beef porridge, he would only have it with brown rice cereal.

Mum and I then went for lunch downstairs. ZK tried some barley - from a straw! He succeeded in sucking up the drink, and he liked it! But it was rather sweet so I didn't let him have too much. Mum gave him a noodle, like a strand of noodle - is that the right 量词 for noodle?? Anyway, he refused to have it plain. We added some chicken soup, and he lapped it all up! He was so happy in the restaurant even when he wasn't being fed and was justing looking around, touching stuff. Pictures later..

Cute face :)



I want to eat! I want to eat!



I like the noodles, yeah!



He was also very happy yesterday..



Cos he found buttons on the duvet cover!!



Then we went home for a mama-and-son nap - two plus hours for him (yay!) and almost an hour for me (yay yay!) - so happy :) The nap did him good - after that, he wasn't clingy and played on his own a lot. At one point, I turned on the TV cos I was so bored! Thankfully, he was more interested in the remote control than the TV!

And he played with me. He crawled to the glass table before and I said nono. This afternoon, he purposely crawled towards the glass table, stopped before reaching, sat and turned to smile at me, then carried on towards the table! Cheeky boy! We had a lot of fun though :) But he dropped my phone a few times and cracked the screen!! Oh well, time to get a new phone for my empty iPhone 5 cover...

Dinner was oats! Decided to re-introduce it to him, and I'm glad I did! He took a few mouthfuls and decided that he didn't like it - plain. I added a bit of soy milk, which he had tried before and liked, and he ate the whole bowl. This boy sure knows how to pick his food.. Perhaps I should get some full fat milk already.. Yummy..

We played a bit in the bath - actually more like he played while I got wet.. Gave him a head massage while drying his long hair - he sat very still! This boy also knows how to enjoy life hur... He rolled around quite a bit but he eventually fell asleep in a funny position. Last checked, he was in a better position. Please stay asleep until after 6 am! :)

Update 10 Jun 2013

Silly me.. I was showing Sito my cracked phone and it turned out that it wasn't cracked at all! It was just a very bad scratch on the screen protector *.* Still can buy new phone? :p

Dried figs

I suddenly remembered these...


Source: Google image search

...because I took a peek down under my neckline.

Breastfeeding - boobs will never look the same again!

Day four of HFMD

Thought his rash seemed to be subsiding. And then after lunch, I saw two red bits after wiping his ass, sighs..

It's been a long day. I took a nap in the morning when Mum came over to help. Had some pretty weird dreams! Only remember one in which I was making porridge for ZK..

I did make porridge early this morning - beef porridge with vege stock. But he refused to take it :( Later, I mixed it into some brown rice cereal and he took it happily. What blasphemy!

Anyway, the afternoons are always more difficult cos he's usually awake more. So after lunch, he played for quite a bit, went places he shouldn't, stared in bewilderment when Sito came back for his luggage - kena called to KL suddenly :( No husband until Saturday morning :(

Papa, where are you going? I want to go too!



But it was after his nap that was really tiring - he had to be carried all the time! And I must be standing or moving, not sitting!! And on a day when my tailbone pain has subsided but a butt muscle was starting to ache - more on that later..

Somehow, we got by with the laundry as a distraction - great, just remember I still have some items in the dryer! Well, anyway, I managed to put him down and throw clothes into the dryer. Later, just before dinner time, he decided that it was ok to come down and play after all. Phew! Went to collect clothes from the dryer and managed to hang some up before he came over to find me. That explains why some clothes remain inside, and why I must stop now lest I forget about them again! Pea brain!

As we embark on our fifth year..

ZK is in his third HFMD day, and I have come down with a cold... While Sito will be in Singapore this week, he's going to work late tonight and be in Jakarta again (from?) next week.

"Ball!" Nicely occupied with balls in his bathtub - five days of bathing in this!



I was a little sleepy after the medicine. Thankfully, ZK was quite happily "reading" on the floor in our bedroom so I was in a state of 半梦半醒 for a good 45 min. I woke to find him holding a small bit of the book - he tore the stem of a cut-down apply off the page!!



We then played a little game - he would take my phone and I would ask for it from him. He would place it in my outstretched palm, and if he didn't regret it (:p), I would take it and say thanks. Then I would look at it for a moment and place it slightly further away from him. He would go for the phone and we played the game again :) Once he would drop the phone accidentally and he went uh-oh many times haha!

As I type, I can feel the drowsiness setting in from my second dose of the medicine.. I should go sleep while I can...

ZK has HFMD!!

He felt warmer than usual on Saturday morning, measuring 37.3, but I thought he might be hot from playing in his long PJs. So off to school he went while I went to collect a toy I bought from an online bulk buy and ran some errands, including getting his birthday present! To be revealed...

When Sito and I went to fetch him, he was warmer on one side cos he just woke. But when we it home, he was hot! And while it was normal for him to be quiet along the way in his stroller, it was unlike him to be so lethargic that he didn't even move forward to be carried off the stroller once home. True enough, fever of 38.4!

At NUH A&E, he registered 38.6 :( But we were seen fairly quickly. Told the doc about the four HFMD cases in school among the older kids. He confirmed ZK had HFMD after seeing a blister on each foot and two ulcers in his mouth. MC until Thursday. Then we had to see a GP to certify him fit for school.

Force fed paracetamol to ZK and he took a nap. He was all active and smiling after that, phew! He was such a poor thing before that! So we decided to go ahead with our plan to leave him with Mum for a few hours while we had our anniversary inner at Bornga - very good!

Even while down with HFMD, he did two things worth mentioning. Actually everything he does is worth mentioning :) He was playing at the bedside table when he suddenly pulled the drawer open! Time to install baby locks.. He was playing with his mechanical giraffe when I asked for it with my hand outstretched. He threw it into my hand! The next few times, he simply put it on my hand. And today, I added "thanks" when he gave me a toy.

More blisters today, around his mouth, on his arms and legs. I read that they shouldn't be itchy. I hope he doesn't get more ulcers though - I know how painful that is! I'm glad his appetite remains healthy. In fact, he drank lots more plain water than usual.

He's still happy though clingy towards the end of the day. Perhaps cos he didn't sleep enough - he totally didn't want his morning nap and napped for only an hour at 1 plus. Put him in bed by 7 pm, although he stirred a few times already.

Yup, happy baby! Woke up and played with his pacifier as usual :)



The next five days will be challenging; it's been a while since I took care of him on my own, full time! Besides making porridge for lunch and bathing him, the most difficult thing is keeping him engaged when he's awake. Sighs.. Anyway, a big pot of stock is simmering now. Lucky Mum will prepare his lunch tmr so I only need to start on Tuesday. I just hope that his missing his morning nap today was just one-off else making porridge will be challenging!

Turning four

Sito and I, we're turning four :)

With our anniversary on Monday, we had a little celebration today instead. Just us two; ZK was at home with Mum. Felt a little guilty as ZK just caught HFMD but he was quite happy after the fever went away so...

Anyway, we figured that we're not the fine dining sort. The whole dainty dishes thing is ok but we prefer a more relaxed environment where dropping a fork doesn't disturb the entire restaurant. So we had Korean BBQ at Star Vista. We ate with our hands. We sat back and declared we were stuffed. And we walked home holding hands and a large Koi bubble tea.

Yes, four :)