As he sleeps in my arm...

Nowadays, I get to go online in the morning when Sito is still asleep and not using the desk, and after ZK dozes off following his second (or third!) breakfast.. Just tried to put him on his bed but this little boy woke soon when he no longer feels Mama's warmth.. So in my arm, he shall be..

All parents must think that their baby is the cutest one. I'm no exception.

It's wonderful having this little person in my lap - stroke his awesome* hair, pinch his chubby cheeks, feel his little hands on my boob, play with his little feet, squeezing his cute shoulder, or just looking at him.

* I don't like this overused adjective but it's perfect for describing ZK's hair! It's hereditary...



We cut off a lock of his hair to make a Chinese stamp for him - just a pose as the cut was from the back of his head, not the beautiful top.



Can't believe that he's only six weeks old - he looks so big now that I can't imagine him inside me such a short time ago! In fact, certain expressions make him look more like a toddler than an infant, such that I sometimes treat him as if he's older (read: rough handling) :p

In the past few days, he has expanded his "vocabulary" - he now gives varied tones of "oooh"; once, he suddenly sighed and looked away! Why? He felt un-understood? Hoho! We're having so much fun "chatting" with him :) But he's in a chatty mood only when he wants to poop!!

Update 21 Sep 2012 - just uploaded a video of him coo-ing in Sito's arms :)



His feeding habits became irregular lately. Two days ago, he went two to three hours without feeding, all the while awake! But that was only until the evening when he went back to hourly feeds. What a wonderful day! My boobs were very rested :p

He was also very rested as he took three naps that day before dinner - rare! He even dozed off twice when I put him drowsy in his bassinet; he hasn't done that for ages! But once, I was putting him down to read to him and he dozed off too *.* I hope that's no indication of his behaviour when he starts school! :p



But yesterday, he fed more frequently in the day, about 1.5 hour apart, still better than hourly! And he napped quite a bit in the afternoon after we got back from lunch at Esplanade. Nice to wheel him around in the stroller in a very spacious and empty place :)

Isn't he cute in his stroller with the strap cushions? :) Taken at Min Jiang three days ago when I walked 25 min to Rochester Park! Lunch with ex-colleagues.. After nursing mid-lunch, he didn't fall asleep on me but fell asleep in TO's arms - he knew he couldn't bully a mum of four kids! :p



This was how he napped yesterday - I slept too!



But last night he didn't sleep much. Had to swaddle him from 2.30 am to make him sleep. Guess I'll think about weaning him off the swaddle at a later stage!

Disc collection

We have some random discs lying around so I'm sorting them out now while ZK is sleeping in my arms.

First, our wedding CDs. I lost the playlists when changing computers. Listening to the cocktail selection of 14 tunes now, I thought I had pretty strange taste! Some of the instrumental pieces don't even sound happy! The titles were removed when the songs were burnt into the CD so I don't know what they are - why did I choose so many tunes that I'm not familiar with?!

I even have a tune just for the emcees! But I recognise that song - it's Seikan Hikou from Macross! It was shortlisted for our first march-in, for which we used Swing de Chocobo in the end. We danced to Cheek to Cheek for our second march-in.

Music for dinner before the dance comprised my favourites from Pink Martini, Laura Fygi, Diana Krall, Michael Buble and Louis Armstrong while that after the dance comprised standard ballroom and salsa songs.

Also found the corporate video we did for our department back in 2007. Ripped it into quicktime for keepsake - it was hard work!

Then, there are some discs of photos - time to dump since I have copies in the Mac and external hard drive..

I didn't forget my scores of music CDs in the drawer outside. Most have been ripped into iTunes already so theoretically, I can dump the physical copy! But I can't bear to.. Many of them have accompanied me to work and study...

Then, for some reason, there's a stash of empty CDs and DVDs in the bottom shelf of the desk. No idea why we bought so many but I guess it's time to use them to double back up my Mac! When ZK is next asleep.. Starting to stir now...

震铠满月了! (plus plus)

In fact, he turns six weeks this week :p But let's just start from his 满月...

满月 lunch

It was National Day, and the extended Clan Sito had a nice little lunch at Peach Garden to celebrate the first month of the baby in the family. But, the baby more or less slept through the lunch hoho!

His cute feet - with an anklet from Ah Yee:



All of us:



Just us:



We had food coma after lunch. Papa collapsed first. Then Mama loosened the baby sling and laid the sleeping baby down in the sling on the bed, and fell asleep with baby so close :) Family nap!

Since then, many little things have taken place..

Diaper stories

He had his second dose of Hep B vaccination on 14 August. The needle went in quite deep on his thigh! :( Before that, doc also showed us the BCG needle mark on his left butt cheek, and did various examinations like checking his eyes, nose, mouth and bottom. The diaper must have become loose cos poop leaked out into the right corner of his car seat on the way home!! I was trying to lift him but his right hand was under his butt. When I released it, I saw a poop stain on the mitten! And when I lifted him, I saw a little pool of green watery poop! Poor Mum helped us clean up *.*

We had three more poopy episodes... On the morning of 21 August, I was carrying him to the bath when he pooped along the way! A lot! One more second, there would be poop in the bath instead of the floor! I don't know which is worse haha! And three days later, I ignored his poopy look and suffered when his projectile poop hit the floor again - through my fingers! What can I say... Shit is warm?! :p And last night, I was fooled by this sleepy-kun who had no poopy look on his face - some poop hit my pants but most hit the floor behind me! Thank goodness no such thing happened when I changed his diapers in Paragon..

Something fun - on 16 August, when I was changing his diaper, I thought it felt pretty light and dry, so I went shhh.. And guess what, he peed! I was successful twice more after this - shall continue to try :p

Firsts

I got something like his first smile with open eyes on 10 August :) But that night, he had his first green poop :( On 16 August, I thought he had his first laugh, albeit in his sleep. This morning, he made this face at me when I addressed him - like a smile though quite unlike his sleeping smile. Trying to smile??

Papa fed him his first bottle on 12 August:



ZK "watched" two movies already! His first was The Dark Knight Rises on 21 August and his second Bourne Legacy on 23 August, both very manly shows heh! The best part was that he more or less slept through the movies, waking only to nurse :) Oh, and he pooped during his second movie too - some grunting that got drowned out by the action :p



ZK made his first friend - V-jiejie!



And the first handshake!



First time on his baby gym - um, he wasn't enjoying it :p



After dinner at Mum's place on 25 August, ZK "used" FaceTime! His parents had never used it before! Popo saw her great grandson for the first time :)

This is his mesh cradle at Mum's place. Very cooling but his head keeps rolling haha!



Random but precious moments

Our swaddle angel :)



So peaceful after a shampoo - rare!! :p



Awww, we melt at that look of his...



My boys :)



Found them sleeping soundly one morning :)



And sweet when they woke :)



Yes, there are lots of pictures of Papa and ZK but not many of Mama and ZK... PAPA, ARE YOU READING THIS? :p

He had lots of cradle cap on his ears and eyebrows but now it's gone. That on the scalp remains though... But still very cute!



Our (long) bean in a pod!



Getting too long for the bassinet?



Handsome little sailor

And yesterday, ZK wore new clothes! Look at our little sailor! Finally enjoying the gym!



He made some funny faces on the way to brunch.. And no, he wasn't trying to poop :p



Tried to take passport photo again but ended up with more funny photos :p

Cheeky me shall spoil this shot!



Hello Mama! *sweet*



PS: Papa says I look like 张国荣 here!

Ok, enough photos... I don't want already... *whine*



I'm going to bed...

First separation

I just put my baby down in his bed after a night feed. Yes, his bed, not bassinet. And it's in his own room, not ours. We decided to make the transition last night.

I squatted there - it's a floor bed - and looked at him for a short while before I stepped out. He was sleeping well. Still is as I type while pumping, apart from the random grunt coming through the baby monitor.

Our first separation :(

And I'm the one with separation anxiety o_O

This is a small step towards his independence. No matter how 舍不得 I feel, he will leave my side one day. Now, it's just sleeping in different rooms. Soon, he'll go to infant care while I go to work. As he grows and goes to school, he'll make his own friends and want to hang out with them. Then he'll start work, get married and - omg - move out.

As parents, we have to recognise that our kids will have their own life. And it's our role and responsibility to guide them onwards independence.

So, I must learn to let go. Can't hold on to him forever, and shouldn't. But a little absence makes the heart fonder right? Going to read more on attachment parenting in the coming weeks...

Back to bed..

PS: I took this after posting yesterday - he was so sound asleep and blissfully unaware that he had taken a small step away from Papa and Mama..

The poop issue

One of the many wonders of parenthood is that you suddenly find poop fascinating *.*

At first, we worry about him not pooping. Then, we had fun cleaning his runny mess. Recently, we began holding his diaper very close to our faces just to inspect its lovely content.

Two Fridays ago, I had some Similac milk powder with Milo. The milk powder was a sample that came in the mail for the previous occupants, and I thought adults should be able to take milk powder for age 6-12.. But that night, four hours later, his beautiful yellow poop had a greenish hue to it. And the next morning, we found some streaks of blood in his greenish poop :( And soon, the seeds in his poop became more like curds, rather pasty..

This went on until Monday morning when we thought we saw the last of bloody poop. We consulted the paediatrician on Tuesday and he said iron in milk could give baby green poop but the blood could be due to allergies. He told me to stay off dairy for a start and see how. But we found blood again on Saturday :(

The reason I mentioned the milk powder earlier is that I thought I didn't eat anything different otherwise! Plus, I've been taking milk since the beginning so I thought maybe milk powder is "too much milk" or something.. But yesterday, I realised that I started on a new bottle of supplements around the time of the green and bloody poop. Comparing the nutritional value lists, the new bottle has a lot more iron than the old one! And I read that iron could cause anal fissures, due to onstipation, which can explain the blood! So I'm reducing the supplements to see if his poop reminds green.

Then yesterday, he pooped (and peed!) while I was changing his diaper! Not the first time but I saw green foam coming out! Now I worry about foremilk/hind milk imbalance :( Shouldn't right, since he feeds so frequently?? And many times, especially whenever I use a sling, I let him feed on the same boob for consecutive feeds. Or maybe, it's simply gas mixed with poop *.* Need to monitor...

Ok, so breastfed babies shouldn't get constipated but this boy can cry and kick when trying to poop. Pretty normal according to many sources. But it disturbs me to see him cry when trying to poop - I never like tummy pains either!

But when he's done trying and actually pooping, or very near pooping, he doesn't cry. He just stares into space or at us with a blank or cute look. And then, he may grunt and strain very loudly - sometimes cutely :) - until his little face turns red. The next sound will come from his bottom - explosive! Can feel the vibration through his diaper too :p

Now, I love this pooping stage - I can leave him alone while I grab a quick bite or run for the toilet! Alas, it's too short for me to take a shower..

Oh, this boy is such a 小臭臭 - doesn't like to change diapers or take bath! He has woken up from his one nap of the day. And fed for 42 min on both sides! Then he actually went back to sleep in my arms, snoring away happily like papa! :p I'm going to bathe him while he's drowsy, less struggling!!

Update 27 Aug 2012:

Yes, my supplements were giving him green poop! Now that I take one caplet only in the morning and not in the evening, his day poop is green while his overnight poop is a lot more yellow, with just a slight tinge of green.

The nursing issue

As mentioned befor, ZK needs to feed very hour when he's awake. Growth spurt? Maybe.. But he's been like this for almost four weeks! Every day!

I think this is related to his sleep issue - if he sleeps more, he wouldn't need to nurse so often but he would still grow well cos he would be sleeping and not expending extra energy being awake!

On the other hand, hourly nursing could have affected his sleep too. Maybe he's too hungry to sleep? But I think he should be drinking enough leh... On the morning of 12 August when he was 4.5 weeks, we gave him his first bottle to see how much he could take and he finished 175ml! But one hour later, he wanted more! :( And yesterday morning, I pumped my right boob which hadn't been "used" for six hours and got 125ml in 15 min; could get more but my bottle was full. This morning, my left boob, almost unused for six hours, gave only 60ml, but he helped drain everything. Assuming equal capacities in both boobs, he would have had 65ml and more. Anyway, babies are supposed to extract milk more efficiently than the pump right? Unless he's not efficient? :(

I don't think we have an issue with latching on - it doesn't hurt although we could take a few attempts to stuff me into his hungrily searching mouth! - but sometimes he would tug and pull at the nipple during a feed, and that hurts! Or he would pull off while clamping down, which hurts more! But after pulling off, he'll often eat his hands or search for food or cry for more - then why pull off in the first place? I think LS used a most fitting word to describe babies - inexplicable *.*

So this, coupled with not sleeping, means that I don't get to do much, especially if I value my sleep. Which I do! I used to try to do some admin or housework when he sleeps at night but not anymore. Nowadays, I also practise eat-whenever-I-can. Not hungry when he's sleeping? Never mind, just have a cracker. Maybe three. It's just difficult eating while nursing, especially when breakfast consists of a hardboiled egg and peanut butter on bread. For lunch and dinner, I often pick rice off his thighs to eat. I shall not think about having just wiped that succulent bit of flesh during the earlier messy diaper change *.*

Anyway, I've been reading about achieving full feedings and doing everything I know, but he still gets hungry an hour later. If I'm lucky, a poop may distract him for a while more, but I've not gone to two hours' interval after the first two weeks. Btw, the interval refers to starting time, i.e. the interval between the end of one feed and the start of the next could be as short as 15 min!

I think he must be comfort nursing sometimes, especially at the end stretch of a long session. Or when he cries right after a long feed due to lack of sleep (see the previous sleep issue) or when he's kicking his legs in a certain way (see the upcoming poop issue). But he does suck and swallow vigorously at the start of each session so I'll still feed on his (hourly) demand.

Really hope he'll settle into a more sustainable (for me) nursing routine soon. For now, I'm resigned to the fact that I'm more cow than human in the day!

The sleep issue

Sighs, after the first two weeks, ZK has been nursing every hour and sleeping very little. This morning, he woke before 7am, and didn't sleep until past 2pm! He's sleeping on my chest now, on his tummy and with his head between his food sources. I can't go pee if I want to *.* I'm just so afraid he'll wake once I put him down, be it on my bed or his bassinet - did both and failed before he stayed asleep on my third attempt. Not just today; it's always hard putting him down when he falls asleep on me. But he doesn't fall asleep anywhere else!

In recent days, he doesn't even get knocked out easily after a feed. Which means bad night sleeping too - night sleeping used to be fine even when he stopped napping much in the day. Last night, he stared at me with big bright eyes - super cute! But that was 4am *.* I ended up using my fail-proof method - nurse him in bed and let him roll over and sleep.

When he stays awake for more than two or three hours, he is so tired that he gets cranky and begins to search for my boobs again - right after feeding for 45 min! Before I could read his tired signs, my boobs were very abused - imagine hourly feedings plus random unnecessary feedings here and there! My grapes usually turn into prunes by nightfall - they regenerate themselves when ZK goes four hours without nursing. If I'm lucky, he sleeps for another two to three hours after a night feeding - he's like me, can't stay asleep when the sun comes up. But he's also like Sito, can't fall asleep easily :( Sometimes, it takes so long to put him to sleep that he's hungry again - hourly feeding, remember?!

It's very tiring, not just physically but mentally too. I'm worried he's not getting enough sleep - how to grow well if he's not sleeping well? So I'm doing everything I can to make ZK sleep and stay asleep - I swaddle him, I put him in a sling, I walk around the flat 10 times, I rock him, I pat him, I play music, I sing to him, I hypnoise him with soft speech, I nurse him, I put him on my chest, I stay very very still! Some methods work better than others but they're not very good for the mama.. In the past week, I've even mastered sneezing quietly to avoid startling him wake! And I'm immobile now but Sito brings me food and water. I have two weeks to fix this before Sito starts work, or I will just starve *.*

Email me if you have any tips on making baby sleep and stay asleep!

What do you want to be remembered for?

When I went to check out ZK's infant care, the young lady who showed me around thought I looked familiar. We discovered that we were in NJ at the same time but we were sure we didn't know each other. Then suddenly, something clicked - she remembered me for my academic achievements.

Um, yes, I'm afraid that was me, I answered her sheepishly.

Really, I do feel embarrassed for myself when people remember me for how many As I scored.

I'd rather be remembered as, e.g the girl with the horrible laugh during this maths lecture, or the one with a Winnie the Pooh head hanging off her bag.

Of course, the girl remembered for her horrible laugh probably wouldn't like to be remembered so.. Anyway, no, I didn't laugh during maths lectures; I was very serious :p But I have to admit to beheading Winnie the Pooh! :D Ok, that was from a Christmas gift exchange...

Seriously, the subject question is something to think about. I had thought briefly about this when I had pre-cancerous cervical cells. But there was real stress then - was mortality staring at me at age 31?! - and I couldn't focus on such an intangible question. Now, I have time while ZK eats!

I guess everyone wants to be remembered for something intangible, like a generous aunt who supported my education instead of the aunt with the big house. You know, something you can put in an eulogy.

I want to leave good memories for people close to my heart. Sito (I resolve to go before him even if it means stuffing myself with fried food! (Yum!)), our children, my dear friends - what will you remember me for? Besides my role in your life (wife, mama, friend/frenemy), have I left a good imprint in your life? I hope so :)

Parent and child

In the beginning, it was all amazement and excitement over ZK's arrival. As the dust settled in the first couple of weeks, I found myself looking at this combination of Sito and me, and wondering how such a wonderful thing could come to be. I could hardly imagine that he was in me just days ago!

As I held him, I thought, I could only love this little boy. We were talking one day and I could hardly articulate what I felt cos I was overwhelmed by tears of joy. Um, rather emo... Now I have a better grip on myself. But as I look at ZK sleeping in my left arm now, I was reminded of this story again - my heart is 满满的 :)

I was thinking about this subject during the later part of my pregnancy. But I didn't manage to get down to writing it properly. Perhaps just as well. Perhaps I can gather my thoughts better now that I have upgraded from mum-to-be to simply mum.

Remember my earlier post about my relationship with Mother? I was reminded of it as ZK grew in me and started interacting with me through his (sometimes) violent movements. Some days back then, all I could think of was how I would be caring for him, playing with him, guiding him towards independence, and most of all, loving him with every bit of me.

I thought, Mother should have felt the same way about me when I was in her. From old photos, baby mf looked groomed and well taken care of. But my earliest memory of her, when I was in kindergarten or so, was a distant parent who was mostly silent, who was in the kitchen a lot, who watched TV a lot, and who had a cane in her hand and a fierce look on her face. Later, I learnt not to share with her about my life in school cos she wasn't interested in things other than my results and she was always negative about me participating in school or friend stuff. (That evolved to me not sharing anything with her in adulthood.)*

So, what happened?? What happened to the love that grew with me in her?

A little voice told me, "Life happens. Reality happens."

I'll be lying if I say that the constant nursing, the leaking poop and the lack of sleep don't frustrate me sometimes. I do look at ZK in despair when nothing I do makes him sleep or stop fussing. I do get angry at Sito if he plays too much Diablo III. I do recall with a sigh the more carefree life before baby. But overall, I've never felt more 幸福 - to have them both in my life to love and grow together. And I resolve to not let the hustle bustle of daily life eclipse this warm fuzzy feeling.

* A couple of days after writing this line, I came across this on Facebook - how true!

"Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff."

Fourth week with ZK :)

I think this is the last weekly update. Hard to keep track *.* But of course I'm still going to write as and when! Fingers itchy...

This week started with me chopping red peppers in the dead of the night! I was preparing them for the next evening when I baked 11 muffin-sized quiches! Now, after the hard-boiled eggs, I'm having a quiche every morning :)

The following few mornings were quite eventful.

Day 23, 27 Jul 2012, was very memorable as the Day of the Disastrous Poop. I had him in the sling late morning and I heard his explosive poops. After a while, I thought he had finished pooping so I took him out to change. When I felt something wet on his back, I thought he was sweating but wait, my fingers felt sticky... Omg! Shit!

At the changing table, I discovered his whole back was drenched in his poop! Luckily Sito and Mum were both around. It was too much to wipe so I washed the poop off him instead, and Sito quickly ran another bath for me to bathe him. Mum held him with clean hands while I made sure I had no more shit on my hands! And that wasn't the end - cos the diaper was off by the second bath, he peed on me while I was washing his hair *.*

The next morning, I was very pissed with Sito. ZK was crying while I was in the toilet and yet he carried on sleeping! Poor boy :( That evening, we fed ZK some 八宝散 - supposed to help him sleep better as he startled himself awake a lot. We tried swaddling him but his arms would pop out within five minutes!

The next day started happier, with Sito singing to ZK :) I also learnt a new song - Itsy Bitsy Spider! :)

Update 21 Sep 2012 - just uploaded the video :)



Some time this week, ZK started making more baby sounds. But he also started to cry when waking up, almost as if he was in pain :( Maybe he was - gas or something tummy related cos he's usually ok after pooping.

Finally, on his 27th day, he couldn't stop crying or nursing, cranky as he slept very little that day. We took out another swaddle - not just a receiving blanket but one with zips to restrain him. And that night, he slept like pre-pregnancy me, i.e. very soundly! The past two nights have been wonderful cos of the swaddle, although it makes changing diapers in the middle of the night quite a pain..

Love this shot of Sito holding sleeping ZK so that I could shower:



Tried taking photos for passport but not very successful, just very funny, especially this one - like some irritated ah beng! :p



One fine night, we sat down for some family TV time. And we crossed our legs the same way :p



Caught him in a pooping stance - check out his stiff legs in preparation for an explosive poop! During pregnancy, I used to think that he was happy when he kicked... Well, maybe not!!



That's the sling he sleeps in in the mornings.. Well, some mornings...



Sito was out the whole of yesterday so I took the chance to do a trial run of life when Sito starts working. With the sling, I managed to do laundry, including folding and hanging, buy groceries albeit in mini amounts, eat and even nap. Very happy :)

And I'm trying to fall into some routine - having him nap in the morning and around lunch in the sling so I could do some chores and eat, taking a nap together in bed in the afternoons, and taking another nap in the sling in the evening. Yesterday, I tried to initiate him to his mattress in the other room. I thought we could start with nursing in bed and napping. In the end, I was the only one who napped *.* Oh well, it's a start! :p I'll probably have to set him down while I shower in the evening - too bad if he cries :( Then it's bathing time followed by sleep time - swaddled in his bed!

I shall end with this angelic shot of ZK - boob censored :) It's the cutest angle to look at him and only Mama has this privilege! He's even cuter if he brings his little hands up to his cheeks - so Puss in Boots :)

Postnatal mf

Ok, now the limelight is on the mummy...

Belly

Still remember the surprised look on Sito's face when I hugged him at the hospital, standing straight and right in front of him - small belly! Actually, smallER belly... It was still quite big! Round like full term but a smaller version. And soft like freshly baked bread.. But it didn't feel like a fat belly - I had fat belly before so I knew! It felt strangely empty inside..

Before giving birth, I already thought that I would miss being pregnant, having ZK moving inside. And I was right. I felt safer carrying him inside with me all the time! But I'm a gan cheong mummy la. Now I must keep room door ajar so that I can hear him if I'm doing stuff outside.

So back to my belly...

I had six days of massage beginning the first Monday at home. And the next morning, my belly had shrunk! It was so amazing! Every day, my belly shrank a little but significantly. Now, it's smaller than before pregnancy! But it's still shaped like a bun with the middle hollowed out^ and kind of loose *.* Need to do some toning exercises after two more weeks - Pilates instructor told me to wait six weeks to allow the muscles to heal.

^ That's my sunken belly button - it looks horrible now!! I can ignore the lingering linea negra but my poor belly button! No word to describe, sighs...

Water retention

My swollen feet and calves went down to even thinner than before! Have I always had some water retention?? Maybe! Ths auntie was good - I actually felt the water draining off as she pressed on my lymph nodes!



But I'd rather find another auntie next time cos this one was always late! That was why I cut short one day - too stressful already, to be waiting and then fearing that ZK would wake before I was done. And he did wake many times! Cos I tried to feed and put him in bed just before the appointed time. I felt so bad that he had to cry while I was getting a massage :(

Boobies

Then, my boobs. They were already mutilated in the hospital, as ZK learnt to latch on. And as the days went by, they just got worse. Thankfully I had my lanolin ready! But surprisingly, after a while, his latch was so nice that it stopped hurting! He could even latch on without help! But I'm still using the lanolin cos the hourly nursing makes me sore... I know my boobs will never look the same again *.* Oh well, if they still function, who cares? :p

And, if ZK is public exhibit number 1, I my boobs must be public exhibit number 2 (and 3!)!! Lucky I got a nursing cover from the nurse at the doc's.. With privacy so scarce now, the least I can do is to safeguard my immediate privacy.

Episiotomy

Well, it was like didn't have one! It wasn't painful even after the epidural wore off and before I started on painkillers for cramps. There was a slight sting when in contact with water that didn't bother me. The swelling in the general area wasn't comfortable and made me jittery when I went to the toilet for the first few days but that wasn't painful. I could get up and walk that first evening.

Had a review on 26 July. Everything was fine, ultrasound showed some remaining lochia, and the doc pulled off the knot. I had felt a little thing there near the back - so that was a knot! He even got Sito to take a look at me - to show that it was as if I was never cut!!

I guess that's why my gynae fees are half of our $10k bill *.*

General hygiene

I love ZK's baby smell! Actually, it's a combination of baby powder and Yu Yee oil :) And if I go closer, I also smell his baby sweat. But recently, there's a new smell - milk, and it isn't the most pleasant smell when it gets old on our clothes! When he dozes off while nursing, milk will leak from one corner of his mouth - 嘴巴 literally 有洞! - and run down his cheek to my arm and our clothes. Or I'll leak myself and drench us before I know it. Worse, he also spits up partially digested milk all over the two of us!

So yes, my smell is actually the smell of milk. And I really, really smell *.*

I haven't been able to brush my teeth or wash my face all the time. Like this morning, I was brushing my teeth halfway and had to attend to ZK. Brushing teeth and patting him at the same time is like drawing a circle with one hand and a square with the other!! He was fussy the whole morning so I still haven't washed my face!

But I shower every night, thank goodness.. Just that my hair suffers - I wash every other day usually.. It's always tied up now and I go to sleep with the hair band on my wrist so that I could tie up my hair once he wakes! Very auntie *.*

Confinement

Now my biggest source of stress and unhappiness - confinement. Seriously, what's the big deal?!

I ordered confinement tingkat for lunch and thought I could have normal food for dinner. Then Mum wanted to prepare confinement dinner for me. Now that's hard for me. A few times, fine. But every day?? I know she means well and I appreciate her effort but three things chewed at me every day in the past month..

1) I don't believe in confinement. I ordered the tingkat just for show, to 交代 that, see, I'm doing confinement, albeit a not-so-strict one.

2) Mum stopped cooking for the family so that she could prepare all that water, soup, meat and vege dishes for me. I felt really bad. Now the family had to eat out cos of me. That sucks.

3) This is the biggest thing to me - I fully expected to live at the beck and call of ZK, losing control of my time. But I never expected to lose control over something as simple as my meals! And I hate feeling dependent on someone else, specially for basic food! And Sito had to go over every day to collect my dinner. And we ended up with lots of dishes to wash.

So every time I was too tired to do things on the iPad while nursing, I'd brood over this confinement thing. I found myself crying for no reason one day. I decided that my mental health is more important than unproven physical health benefits of confinement.

We tried to get Mum to stop cooking for me. So she stopped the second Sunday. But she was out and da bao dinner for us anyway, and the next day, she told us she would cook for everyone and still get Sito to fetch my dinner cos "outside food may be cooked with reused oil". Now this removed #2 above but added this:

4) The daily food now had more ginger than I remember, i.e. like confinement food! Now I felt bad giong-ifying everyone. And she was still making separate soup for me, which meant extra work for her!

I know, I know, some people will think I'm ungrateful but I'm used to - and I like - being independent and in control of my life. And I also don't like to feel indebted to anyone, especially when I didn't ask for it. I told Sito - I'm like Mum in how I like to do things my way, especially when I think I'm right.

Anyway, I'm just relieved it's all over now. We're 光明正大-ly heading out for lunch today - ZK's first month celebration! With my in-laws only cos as usual, Mother "paiseh" to attend things with people other than her own family!

Third week with ZK :)

ZK is sleeping!!!! Not on me and not on our bed but in his own bed! :) So I managed to upload some pictures. Will add my usual commentary later using the iPad while nursing...

Photo with doc at my two-week review:



And things went downhill after the first two weeks - he would cry when put in his bed and he started nursing every hour!! We ended up with him in our bed for many days and many nights cos he could only sleep after nursing lying down! :(

There were times when I would wake suddenly, terrified that I had suffocated the little person next to me. Of course I didn't but I did shoryuken-ed him once *.* And once, I woke to find that instead of facing me (my boob), he was facing the other side! I didn't know how he got there but it was scary; he could have flipped on his face!

It was pretty distressing... Jo recommended this nurse in KL so I called her to seek her advice on Monday. I had a list of questions but after asking one, she "interviewed" me and went on to cover everything I had to ask! Then she suggested that we nurse him well and make him sleep at least 14 hours a day, that I eat a bigger breakfast, and that I eat cheesecake once a week to make my milk richer! Love that last one :)

So the next morning after his morning feed, I went downstairs to buy bread and have some soft-boiled eggs at Ya Kun - I haven't had those eggs for years!! And the following morning, I made six hard-boiled eggs, ate one and kept the rest in the fridge - one egg every morning!

Anyway, now, photo time!

ZK and his friend! Actually, I put his friend on him; he's still ignoring this cute friend *.*



Trying on our baby carrier. I swear I didn't ask to be photographed from above to look slimmer :p Cos could not see ZK otherwise!



He always looks so cute when we're burping him! 一粒小球!



Sleeping time is the best time cut his nails! That was the second time I cut them. The third time, I snipped a bit of his tender flesh of his pinky :( Thankfully it ddn't hurt; he didn't make a sound about it.



Let's play "spot the baby"!



Ta-da!! :p



I like to dig my nails into my cheeks!



ZK has hairy everything. Took pictures of his hairy left ear, arm and leg one day while nursing :p Perhaps that's why he looks rather tanned..?



Our lunch at Swensen's - he's so tiny in the big stroller! I had to nurse him during dessert time, and I hid under my nursing cover all the way home!



Another awesome pose! Say hi!



He fell asleep in my arms and I dared not put him in his bed lest he started fussing so I let him slip down onto the bed and lean against me. 一条小虫!



And then he smiled! :) Fine, it's still involuntary but I love it! Can't wait for his conscious smile...