Still remember the surprised look on Sito's face when I hugged him at the hospital, standing straight and right in front of him - small belly! Actually, smallER belly... It was still quite big! Round like full term but a smaller version. And soft like freshly baked bread.. But it didn't feel like a fat belly - I had fat belly before so I knew! It felt strangely empty inside..
Before giving birth, I already thought that I would miss being pregnant, having ZK moving inside. And I was right. I felt safer carrying him inside with me all the time! But I'm a gan cheong mummy la. Now I must keep room door ajar so that I can hear him if I'm doing stuff outside.
So back to my belly...
I had six days of massage beginning the first Monday at home. And the next morning, my belly had shrunk! It was so amazing! Every day, my belly shrank a little but significantly. Now, it's smaller than before pregnancy! But it's still shaped like a bun with the middle hollowed out^ and kind of loose *.* Need to do some toning exercises after two more weeks - Pilates instructor told me to wait six weeks to allow the muscles to heal.
^ That's my sunken belly button - it looks horrible now!! I can ignore the lingering linea negra but my poor belly button! No word to describe, sighs...
My swollen feet and calves went down to even thinner than before! Have I always had some water retention?? Maybe! Ths auntie was good - I actually felt the water draining off as she pressed on my lymph nodes!
But I'd rather find another auntie next time cos this one was always late! That was why I cut short one day - too stressful already, to be waiting and then fearing that ZK would wake before I was done. And he did wake many times! Cos I tried to feed and put him in bed just before the appointed time. I felt so bad that he had to cry while I was getting a massage :(
Then, my boobs. They were already mutilated in the hospital, as ZK learnt to latch on. And as the days went by, they just got worse. Thankfully I had my lanolin ready! But surprisingly, after a while, his latch was so nice that it stopped hurting! He could even latch on without help! But I'm still using the lanolin cos the hourly nursing makes me sore... I know my boobs will never look the same again *.* Oh well, if they still function, who cares? :p
And, if ZK is public exhibit number 1,
Well, it was like didn't have one! It wasn't painful even after the epidural wore off and before I started on painkillers for cramps. There was a slight sting when in contact with water that didn't bother me. The swelling in the general area wasn't comfortable and made me jittery when I went to the toilet for the first few days but that wasn't painful. I could get up and walk that first evening.
Had a review on 26 July. Everything was fine, ultrasound showed some remaining lochia, and the doc pulled off the knot. I had felt a little thing there near the back - so that was a knot! He even got Sito to take a look at me - to show that it was as if I was never cut!!
I guess that's why my gynae fees are half of our $10k bill *.*
I love ZK's baby smell! Actually, it's a combination of baby powder and Yu Yee oil :) And if I go closer, I also smell his baby sweat. But recently, there's a new smell - milk, and it isn't the most pleasant smell when it gets old on our clothes! When he dozes off while nursing, milk will leak from one corner of his mouth - 嘴巴 literally 有洞! - and run down his cheek to my arm and our clothes. Or I'll leak myself and drench us before I know it. Worse, he also spits up partially digested milk all over the two of us!
So yes, my smell is actually the smell of milk. And I really, really smell *.*
I haven't been able to brush my teeth or wash my face all the time. Like this morning, I was brushing my teeth halfway and had to attend to ZK. Brushing teeth and patting him at the same time is like drawing a circle with one hand and a square with the other!! He was fussy the whole morning so I still haven't washed my face!
But I shower every night, thank goodness.. Just that my hair suffers - I wash every other day usually.. It's always tied up now and I go to sleep with the hair band on my wrist so that I could tie up my hair once he wakes! Very auntie *.*
Now my biggest source of stress and unhappiness - confinement. Seriously, what's the big deal?!
I ordered confinement tingkat for lunch and thought I could have normal food for dinner. Then Mum wanted to prepare confinement dinner for me. Now that's hard for me. A few times, fine. But every day?? I know she means well and I appreciate her effort but three things chewed at me every day in the past month..
1) I don't believe in confinement. I ordered the tingkat just for show, to 交代 that, see, I'm doing confinement, albeit a not-so-strict one.
2) Mum stopped cooking for the family so that she could prepare all that water, soup, meat and vege dishes for me. I felt really bad. Now the family had to eat out cos of me. That sucks.
3) This is the biggest thing to me - I fully expected to live at the beck and call of ZK, losing control of my time. But I never expected to lose control over something as simple as my meals! And I hate feeling dependent on someone else, specially for basic food! And Sito had to go over every day to collect my dinner. And we ended up with lots of dishes to wash.
So every time I was too tired to do things on the iPad while nursing, I'd brood over this confinement thing. I found myself crying for no reason one day. I decided that my mental health is more important than unproven physical health benefits of confinement.
We tried to get Mum to stop cooking for me. So she stopped the second Sunday. But she was out and da bao dinner for us anyway, and the next day, she told us she would cook for everyone and still get Sito to fetch my dinner cos "outside food may be cooked with reused oil". Now this removed #2 above but added this:
4) The daily food now had more ginger than I remember, i.e. like confinement food! Now I felt bad giong-ifying everyone. And she was still making separate soup for me, which meant extra work for her!
I know, I know, some people will think I'm ungrateful but I'm used to - and I like - being independent and in control of my life. And I also don't like to feel indebted to anyone, especially when I didn't ask for it. I told Sito - I'm like Mum in how I like to do things my way, especially when I think I'm right.
Anyway, I'm just relieved it's all over now. We're 光明正大-ly heading out for lunch today - ZK's first month celebration! With my in-laws only cos as usual, Mother "paiseh" to attend things with people other than her own family!