Monday, 8 May 2017

Mama down and a mama/mf reflection

On sick leave today.

I had a little cough in late April. I thought it went away. But as the kids' coughing continues, I guess I can't run... I lost my voice on Saturday and could hardly read to the boys. The cough came in after that, at night. And I was terrified of waking Yu so I grabbed any blanket to cough into to contain the noise. It hurt and the crazy in me thought maybe I might see blood like in drama :p

I was undecided whether to take sick leave last night. But this morning, my cough is still here and my voice is still bad. And since my laptop is undergoing reimaging to upgrade it to Windows 10 and I have only a lousy laptop that can't even read the issued thumbdrive, I decided to just rest.

Thought I would go see a doctor quickly. My fave doctor in the neighbour (whom Sito doesn't like but allows me to go to!) usually has a full appointment calendar. The other clinic has too many people even at opening time AND the doctor isn't punctual. So I went to Raffles - I learnt from the kids' tuina that the doctors should be in by opening time.

And I was right! I got in at 8.32 am, registered, found two patients in front of me, and saw the doctor within 15 minutes. I was with the young doctor for a while, as she drew pictures to tell me what's wrong - inflammation has gone from throat to voice box. But she could only give me Prospan and lozenges since I'm breastfeeding. Not too effective but never mind, I don't have any lozenges at home anyway. By 8.49 am, I was sitting waiting for my medicine. I'm a convert - it's Raffles all the way now.

Packed a cup of coffee from Cafe O and left it to cool while I showered. It felt so liberating to shower without worrying about the kids! And no phantom baby cries! Did I mention this conversation where I told a colleague that I took care of Kai alone most weeknights when Sito was travelling in his consulting job?

M: Then how do you shower?
mf: I don't shower Kai in the evening; the infant care showers him twice a day...
M: No, I meant you!
mf: Oh... Very quickly! Haha!

And I even used the hairdryer on the high setting to dry my hair! I haven't used it for a while coz I'm always afraid I would wake the kids; I shower after I settled all the kids on weeknights and I have no time to dry hair on weekends after showering with Yu coz he'll be crying for comfort and sleep after a warm shower. I don't sleep very early so my hair usually dries on its own before I sleep. But the dampness has caused damage to my scalp - imagine having damp skin all the time; even fingers get wrinkled! Now my scalp feels so good :)

I think I haven't felt this way in a very long time.

Yes, I had a break after Yu went to infant care and before I started work. Yes, Saturday mornings are kids-free too. But during the break, I was busy going out. And Saturday mornings, I busy myself with chores and work. Today is truly relaxing - kids in child care, laptop not with me, in no state to go out. I'm in bed much of this morning, reading news and doing things on the laptop.

Life with children is very different. Sometimes, Sito and I wondered what we did with our spare time when we didn't have kids. Recently, I also realised that my face looks somewhat different from before. I usually don't have time to look at myself; I only look at the specific part I'm working on! Took the picture below as I thought about this - I think I've aged. Or maybe some of the male DNA in me has caused a change - after all, I've carried three boys full-term!

In the air-conditioned room with a scarf


The other day, I sat next to this angmoh lady at pedicure and right after, at foot reflexology. So we started chatting. I thought she was in her 30s like me. Then I found out she was 49 with a 17yo boy *.* Besides looking young, she also sounded young. She told me she's divorced five years ago. She's working in Singapore, flies to US regularly, and her son goes to an international school here. Perhaps, it's not so much that she sounded young; she sounded so happy and contented with her life.

I'm quite regular with my skincare routine these days, and I intend to keep it up. But beyond the appearance, it is also very important to be happy. With every little or big thing that can get you down, there is one or more little or big thing that can get you high. And while circumstances may affect happiness levels, happiness also lies in our hands - sometimes, it's a choice to be happy.

I'm ill. I also dread accumulating work that I cannot do now. But I shall not wallow in misery. Those are not within my control. I'm going to read news, read blogs, write something, be happy. Have a happy week! :)

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