During the sun tanning session this morning, Kel and I were talking about how we miss UK, especially the final years. I remembered the many goodbyes that were said, and I struggled to remember the places that I loved so much..
I was tidying a bit of my stuff when I came across this notebook that accompanied me from SG to Oxford and back to SG again. Only a few blank pages are left. I don’t think I’m not going to use it anymore but I’m not dumping it. I’ve written some stuff on the inside of the hard cover, which I’m going to put down in its entirety. Well, almost..
“一位挚友曾说：‘既回不了停留了三年的新加坡，也回不了阔别了三年的香港。心中一直知道需要给予自己时间去重新适应，但总不期然泛起不被人了解的感觉。做事总是战战兢兢，深怕自己伤害了别人，也怕令人有所误解。回想起这段时间，做错了很多的事，说错了很多的话，也发了很多不应发的脾气，但感激你们在我身边包容我、体谅我的朋友。更感激一班无论在哪里仍然默默为我祝福的你们。I miss you and love you all!
今天黄昏的彩霞很美，愿你我都懂得去珍惜。’
也许自己此刻的心情，和她在写这几句的心情一样。怕伤害到别人，尤其是朋友，怕受到伤害，其实是很普通的一个道理。当你看到与你同窗两年，相处近三年的好朋友突然离开了你的周围，回到自己真正的家去，你会怎样呢？你能够怎样？没对她好好说些祝福的话，其实那天匆匆从公司赶到机场，根本没时间足以说什么话，很遗憾… 也许应该给她一个拥抱，再和其他几个好友当地哭一场，也许人多，彼此相互安慰，心情会好很多… 偏偏当时大家竟然似哑了，谁都没多说两句。从机场回家的一小时途中，我哭了。她走了，以后好难才会见到她，好难才会再一次聚在食堂，聚在KAP，好好聊上几小时，好难… 然后，又一个聚餐，是一个饯行会，他走了。再来，他也走了。终于，到我走了。最后，大家都走了，一直以来最心爱的那群人也越来越难再碰面了… 做错的事，说错的话，过去的事，算了！泪水抹掉又是一天，日子照旧。我，愿意与她，他，还有你，一同去珍惜。
给Sali 的。”
Maybe last night I was feeling like I was when I first wrote the above..
Sunday, 30 January 2005
Oppa! :)
Eh, I read what I wrote last night.. Feeling a bit 莫明其妙 now! But I shall not delete it so that I can be reminded of my, erm, random manifestation of the dark side..?
Whatever..
Anyway, I was reading an email from Min. Very happy cos he signed off as Min oppa, which means brother (to a younger sister) in Korean :)
I've always wanted an elder brother, or rather, I want to be the little sister and not this big sister who has to take care of things around the house and feels responsible for people at the wrong age =/
Some time ago in the office, I was saying something like I always wanted to be a princess when I was a kid, and even now, at age 25! Princess, the epitome of perfection and everything nice and pretty and sweet-smelling. And Princess M has a nice ring to it! I think this is related to me wanting to be a little sister actually..
Even though I'm no longer a little girl, and the responsibilities no longer feel as heavy, I'm still glad to have someone acknowledge himself as my bro. Maybe cos it's like fulfilling a childhood dream?
Think I've got many bros around me, my buddies. But most feel like younger bros, I'm still the 大姐大 haha! :p
Whatever..
Anyway, I was reading an email from Min. Very happy cos he signed off as Min oppa, which means brother (to a younger sister) in Korean :)
I've always wanted an elder brother, or rather, I want to be the little sister and not this big sister who has to take care of things around the house and feels responsible for people at the wrong age =/
Some time ago in the office, I was saying something like I always wanted to be a princess when I was a kid, and even now, at age 25! Princess, the epitome of perfection and everything nice and pretty and sweet-smelling. And Princess M has a nice ring to it! I think this is related to me wanting to be a little sister actually..
Even though I'm no longer a little girl, and the responsibilities no longer feel as heavy, I'm still glad to have someone acknowledge himself as my bro. Maybe cos it's like fulfilling a childhood dream?
Think I've got many bros around me, my buddies. But most feel like younger bros, I'm still the 大姐大 haha! :p
Troubled midnight
Feeling quite off now. Don't know why.
I'm sitting here in the living room at freaking 1202am on a Sat night/early Sun morning. The lights are off, keyboard illuminated only by the glare off the monitor screen, and my stomach is having one hell of a time giving me hell over my dinner of two handfuls of cashew nuts, one bowl of green vege, a fried fish fillet, a bowl of clear soup, 4/5 of a guava and a Taiwanese sausage.
I swear I was damn full even without the sausage. Stomach just likes to screw me; eat or not, it really doesn't matter at all!
But I feel off not because of my stomach. Whenever I have gastric pain, I'll go to bed asap and sleep it away, best cure. But not tonight, I don't feel like it. I'm feeling off.
My typing is very loud on a lousy keyboard. I hear silence intermittently, when I stop typing to look down on my hands which I put on my legs when I pause. I'll just stare and not see, or I'll close my eyes for a while then stare again, before eventually resuming typing.
I'm trying to sort out what is happening between my ears now. I'm confused cos I'm not the kind who can't sleep!
Something is gnawing at the inside of my head, at a spot where I can't reach to pull away the nasty pest. It's like an itch you can't scratch just that instead of being irritating, it keeps biting, biting, leaving me feeling kind of, empty..?
It's an uneasy feeling, totally unsettling. I like things simple and clear.
On the way back just now, fourth time this week that I walked that lane, I felt some sort of anger. Directed at? Don't know. Don't even know where the anger came from, so weird. I had my Ayumi album with me and I had to repeat track #2 to calm me down a bit.
At first I thought when I got back, I would come online to see if there's anyone I want to talk to about my sudden abstract feelings. But can't find a name I'll readily click for tonight.
No resolution 30min after the start of this. I'm getting really sick of whatever. Quite frustrated though but in a quiet way - I'm not screaming yet.
Decided to plug into Ayumi again and seek solace in Meh.
I'm sitting here in the living room at freaking 1202am on a Sat night/early Sun morning. The lights are off, keyboard illuminated only by the glare off the monitor screen, and my stomach is having one hell of a time giving me hell over my dinner of two handfuls of cashew nuts, one bowl of green vege, a fried fish fillet, a bowl of clear soup, 4/5 of a guava and a Taiwanese sausage.
I swear I was damn full even without the sausage. Stomach just likes to screw me; eat or not, it really doesn't matter at all!
But I feel off not because of my stomach. Whenever I have gastric pain, I'll go to bed asap and sleep it away, best cure. But not tonight, I don't feel like it. I'm feeling off.
My typing is very loud on a lousy keyboard. I hear silence intermittently, when I stop typing to look down on my hands which I put on my legs when I pause. I'll just stare and not see, or I'll close my eyes for a while then stare again, before eventually resuming typing.
I'm trying to sort out what is happening between my ears now. I'm confused cos I'm not the kind who can't sleep!
Something is gnawing at the inside of my head, at a spot where I can't reach to pull away the nasty pest. It's like an itch you can't scratch just that instead of being irritating, it keeps biting, biting, leaving me feeling kind of, empty..?
It's an uneasy feeling, totally unsettling. I like things simple and clear.
On the way back just now, fourth time this week that I walked that lane, I felt some sort of anger. Directed at? Don't know. Don't even know where the anger came from, so weird. I had my Ayumi album with me and I had to repeat track #2 to calm me down a bit.
At first I thought when I got back, I would come online to see if there's anyone I want to talk to about my sudden abstract feelings. But can't find a name I'll readily click for tonight.
No resolution 30min after the start of this. I'm getting really sick of whatever. Quite frustrated though but in a quiet way - I'm not screaming yet.
Decided to plug into Ayumi again and seek solace in Meh.
Saturday, 29 January 2005
Which animal are you?
I'm supposed to leave cyberspace to go out but I took out something cute from my bag: the little lamb Na gave me on Thurs, to iron onto clothes.
I brought it to work on Fri and showed it to FK and Siok. Both said Little Lamb looked like me! Gee..
FK said that everyone has an animal. I didn't quite understand until she explained. It's just like how I think some people remind me of a squirrel or mouse or cat! Good to know I'm not the only one to see animals in people :p But for some people, I just can't put any animal to them!
A few examples of "animalistic" people :p
CY's a rabbit. Na is a lion. Lioness. or Tweety. Maybe cos of her Simbad and her Tweety Birds! Susan is a squirrel. Tok's a mouse. SY is a cat. So is FK. Siok is a cat too, but younger. Think that makes her a kitten, like this :)
Source: Some email..
And I'm a sheep, like Meh! :)
Source: mf
I brought it to work on Fri and showed it to FK and Siok. Both said Little Lamb looked like me! Gee..
FK said that everyone has an animal. I didn't quite understand until she explained. It's just like how I think some people remind me of a squirrel or mouse or cat! Good to know I'm not the only one to see animals in people :p But for some people, I just can't put any animal to them!
A few examples of "animalistic" people :p
CY's a rabbit. Na is a lion. Lioness. or Tweety. Maybe cos of her Simbad and her Tweety Birds! Susan is a squirrel. Tok's a mouse. SY is a cat. So is FK. Siok is a cat too, but younger. Think that makes her a kitten, like this :)
Source: Some email..
And I'm a sheep, like Meh! :)
Source: mf
Indulging in a serious question.. oooh..!
A chat that starry Wed night made me ask myself a question that I've never really thought about: do I want to get married?
Answer: yes I want.
It's no secret that this household was dysfunctional. Mother did not (still do not) talk to him; he was always sleeping (now I don't know nor care what he's doing); the siblings are forever at loggerheads. I've been craving for a loving home for most of my life.
Just lucky I have a nice extended family, maternal side. Lovely cousins, among them I have someone to confide in and the kids to play with, though the eldest kid is already 18 - gosh just realised that! Aunt dotes on all of us cousins like we're her own. Cute Grams used to watch by the desk while I did all those F Maths TYS, just smiling, not saying a thing. And once I step into the house, she will ask if I want kopi or "beelok" (Milo la), or if I want to have lunch, even though it may be 4pm already. That's a very warm feeling, especially the first time I visited her after returning from Oxford in 2003.
"You're back. Not going away anymore? (No, back for good..) *Nod nod* .. You want kopi?"
:)
Oh dear, I'm going to cry already, thinking about my sweet Grams. Quite silly!
My rosy wish is that one day, I'll have my own family, and one day, I'll be like my Grams, the caring wife to my late Grandfather, the perfect mother to her kids, the cute grandmother to us, even the wonderful mother-in-law that she is to her four daughters-in-law. She is my idol!
But the desire for a home to call my own is just one reason, because a marriage is about two persons, not just myself.
Last night, a friend and I were talking about why people get married. Not for convenience, not because of xi guan. I painted a very beautiful picture of reasons. First time I actually articulated it, albeit a bit hesitantly. One thing cos it's a personal thought. Though I had denied it, on retrospect, I think I was also afraid that people might laugh at me for being naive or whatever :p So hey pal, thanks for not laughing! :) Decide I shall not share my mental picture here in case the cynics roll their eyes :p
Said friend thought I would get married one day. But I thought, not necessarily. Which brings me to the hidden meaning of my answer: I want to get married but I don't need to :p
Without a proper home, and with the turbulent 1990s, I didn't start to appreciate my extended family until recent years. Before then, however, I put my heart into friendships for the longest time.
Ok it may be very messy from this point cos I'm crap at disentangling my jumbled-up thoughts.
I think I've mentioned before that I didn't like myself. I used to value my friends too much, cos I thought they were all I had if I didn't have a home. I think I also neglected myself quite a bit back then. But later I realised that I was wrong; some of these people were not really my friends. I guess that's one reason why I didn't like myself.
Later, I learnt. My friends are really friends; if I call them so in my heart, they're worth every bit of my time.
And then I learnt a bit more. I learnt to like the mf in me. It also hit me that all my friends have other friends and they (will) have their own commitments which need not involve me. My final year in Oxford taught me to be comfortable with my own solitude. Perhaps too comfortable already! Now I'm happy on my own and my friends are a delightful bonus :) And with Grams, I no longer crave for a another family.
So if I don't bump into the guy in my picture, heh heh, another rosy wish is that I shall be the most loved auntie to my cousins' and my friends' kids like Aunt is! :)
Since either of my rosy wishes will surely come true, I'm contented :)
Answer: yes I want.
It's no secret that this household was dysfunctional. Mother did not (still do not) talk to him; he was always sleeping (now I don't know nor care what he's doing); the siblings are forever at loggerheads. I've been craving for a loving home for most of my life.
Just lucky I have a nice extended family, maternal side. Lovely cousins, among them I have someone to confide in and the kids to play with, though the eldest kid is already 18 - gosh just realised that! Aunt dotes on all of us cousins like we're her own. Cute Grams used to watch by the desk while I did all those F Maths TYS, just smiling, not saying a thing. And once I step into the house, she will ask if I want kopi or "beelok" (Milo la), or if I want to have lunch, even though it may be 4pm already. That's a very warm feeling, especially the first time I visited her after returning from Oxford in 2003.
"You're back. Not going away anymore? (No, back for good..) *Nod nod* .. You want kopi?"
:)
Oh dear, I'm going to cry already, thinking about my sweet Grams. Quite silly!
My rosy wish is that one day, I'll have my own family, and one day, I'll be like my Grams, the caring wife to my late Grandfather, the perfect mother to her kids, the cute grandmother to us, even the wonderful mother-in-law that she is to her four daughters-in-law. She is my idol!
But the desire for a home to call my own is just one reason, because a marriage is about two persons, not just myself.
Last night, a friend and I were talking about why people get married. Not for convenience, not because of xi guan. I painted a very beautiful picture of reasons. First time I actually articulated it, albeit a bit hesitantly. One thing cos it's a personal thought. Though I had denied it, on retrospect, I think I was also afraid that people might laugh at me for being naive or whatever :p So hey pal, thanks for not laughing! :) Decide I shall not share my mental picture here in case the cynics roll their eyes :p
Said friend thought I would get married one day. But I thought, not necessarily. Which brings me to the hidden meaning of my answer: I want to get married but I don't need to :p
Without a proper home, and with the turbulent 1990s, I didn't start to appreciate my extended family until recent years. Before then, however, I put my heart into friendships for the longest time.
Ok it may be very messy from this point cos I'm crap at disentangling my jumbled-up thoughts.
I think I've mentioned before that I didn't like myself. I used to value my friends too much, cos I thought they were all I had if I didn't have a home. I think I also neglected myself quite a bit back then. But later I realised that I was wrong; some of these people were not really my friends. I guess that's one reason why I didn't like myself.
Later, I learnt. My friends are really friends; if I call them so in my heart, they're worth every bit of my time.
And then I learnt a bit more. I learnt to like the mf in me. It also hit me that all my friends have other friends and they (will) have their own commitments which need not involve me. My final year in Oxford taught me to be comfortable with my own solitude. Perhaps too comfortable already! Now I'm happy on my own and my friends are a delightful bonus :) And with Grams, I no longer crave for a another family.
So if I don't bump into the guy in my picture, heh heh, another rosy wish is that I shall be the most loved auntie to my cousins' and my friends' kids like Aunt is! :)
Since either of my rosy wishes will surely come true, I'm contented :)
God of Wealth!
Eh, he appeared at my doorstep *.*
I was cooking lunch and Mother was hanging out (or bringing in, not sure :p) the laundry and she told me God of Wealth came by yesterday and gave her a big shock.
Confused, I stopped stirring.
"Oh, your dream ah?"
Chey! Resumed stirring.
"No, real!"
"Huh?!"
Turned out to be some joker with all the gear and some 4-digit numbers who offered Mother a number for money. Glad that she was lucid enough to say no and send him away. Heard enough horror stories of housewives or old grannies who were cheated of their savings blah blah.
But God of Wealth?! Incredulous..
I was cooking lunch and Mother was hanging out (or bringing in, not sure :p) the laundry and she told me God of Wealth came by yesterday and gave her a big shock.
Confused, I stopped stirring.
"Oh, your dream ah?"
Chey! Resumed stirring.
"No, real!"
"Huh?!"
Turned out to be some joker with all the gear and some 4-digit numbers who offered Mother a number for money. Glad that she was lucid enough to say no and send him away. Heard enough horror stories of housewives or old grannies who were cheated of their savings blah blah.
But God of Wealth?! Incredulous..
I'm like a (slow) fish, I'll only swim away (a little)..
Just back from my very first swimming lesson of my entire life. Suspect my muscles are going to ache to my bones tomorrow this time. Maybe even earlier =/
Didnt realise before that breathing out is through both the nose and the mouth, felt a bit weird at the beginning - I mean, you don't breathe like that normally right?? - then got a bit more used to it towards the end. But between the beginning and the end, well, quite jia lat la..
An intro: students, only me and Gal(vin) who is 12 years old, I think - don't say whatever you are thinking and stop thinking, just read! Man who can swim, Alan. Or Allen? Hmmm, I'll just put Al, should be right :)
We glided for a while. Just gliding ok, not much energy required, simple momentum should do the trick. But mf here has weak lungs; I could barely last five seconds under water!
Another problem: mf has near-zero balance. If I remember correctly, balance is controlled by the medulla oblongata which is located near the top of the nape.. Don't remember ever knocking into it or kena whacked by anyone there.. SO WHY IS MY BALANCE SO CRAP?! Pool wasn't even turbulent, bah! Very often, I would tilt left and right, not direction leh. Eh how to say.. Imagine you BBQ a fish on a skewer, like flipping something over like that? Ya.. Crap.. And I'm not even gliding straight, kept moving to the left *shrug*
My fingers have a habit of opening up voluntarily. When Al reminded me to keep them closed, I realised that they were spread like I'm trying to balance when walking! Seemed like my body was trying to balance herself, smart but hello, relax!
Then my kicking was crap too. I could swim just a little before this morning, the result of watching little boys and girls at their weekly swimming lessons many years ago! Haha, remember that, Jo? :p But you did better, you learnt to swim eventually, smart girl..
Anyway, my kicking. I've been so wrong all this while! Sighs.. We took a board and tried kicking all the way to the other side. Then another problem surfaced: I was arching my back too much; my feet were kissing the floor in no time. Best part: I wasn't even moving forward a lot despite my near-fanatic kicking =(
But I feel my muscles working, and I imagine my lungs growing stronger (so I can sing better) and I feel happy. I believe I'll learn how to swim properly soon. Tomorrow go tanning, weather permitting. Will also revise what I've learnt today :)
PS: On the way back, thought Gal is quite big for his age. Ting-gia and Boy still look so tiny for secondary boys! I shall buy more chocolates for them next time I see them :p
Didnt realise before that breathing out is through both the nose and the mouth, felt a bit weird at the beginning - I mean, you don't breathe like that normally right?? - then got a bit more used to it towards the end. But between the beginning and the end, well, quite jia lat la..
An intro: students, only me and Gal(vin) who is 12 years old, I think - don't say whatever you are thinking and stop thinking, just read! Man who can swim, Alan. Or Allen? Hmmm, I'll just put Al, should be right :)
We glided for a while. Just gliding ok, not much energy required, simple momentum should do the trick. But mf here has weak lungs; I could barely last five seconds under water!
Another problem: mf has near-zero balance. If I remember correctly, balance is controlled by the medulla oblongata which is located near the top of the nape.. Don't remember ever knocking into it or kena whacked by anyone there.. SO WHY IS MY BALANCE SO CRAP?! Pool wasn't even turbulent, bah! Very often, I would tilt left and right, not direction leh. Eh how to say.. Imagine you BBQ a fish on a skewer, like flipping something over like that? Ya.. Crap.. And I'm not even gliding straight, kept moving to the left *shrug*
My fingers have a habit of opening up voluntarily. When Al reminded me to keep them closed, I realised that they were spread like I'm trying to balance when walking! Seemed like my body was trying to balance herself, smart but hello, relax!
Then my kicking was crap too. I could swim just a little before this morning, the result of watching little boys and girls at their weekly swimming lessons many years ago! Haha, remember that, Jo? :p But you did better, you learnt to swim eventually, smart girl..
Anyway, my kicking. I've been so wrong all this while! Sighs.. We took a board and tried kicking all the way to the other side. Then another problem surfaced: I was arching my back too much; my feet were kissing the floor in no time. Best part: I wasn't even moving forward a lot despite my near-fanatic kicking =(
But I feel my muscles working, and I imagine my lungs growing stronger (so I can sing better) and I feel happy. I believe I'll learn how to swim properly soon. Tomorrow go tanning, weather permitting. Will also revise what I've learnt today :)
PS: On the way back, thought Gal is quite big for his age. Ting-gia and Boy still look so tiny for secondary boys! I shall buy more chocolates for them next time I see them :p
Thursday, 27 January 2005
Something nice
Yesterday Sito complained that whenever his name appeared in this blog, it's nothing good so I'll try to put in something good this time.
Sito's quickstep was good from the start. Sito's waltz was getting better!
There, happy? :)
I want to say good things about Hup too. Pls don't wear shapeless T-shirts, not flattering - oops, bad. You looked very good that day in proper shirt and trousers - good :) Though I did say you looked beng - ok, bad again - but hey, you're not really beng and you're going to be your female (and some male?) students' idol - good, yeah! :p Now don't say two goods and two bads cancel out ok, cos I remember saying you very pro, wrt shopping, in a previous entry.. Heng ah, heh heh!
I should probably end on a positive note but unfortunately for our friend Sito, there's more..
He said, no less than SIX times in all, that when Na and I have our bachelorette pad, we must invite him when we throw wild house parties! He also said he's happy if it's just a quiet sit-down dinner with nice food and wine.. But only cos I asked! And then he demanded to be invited to the wild parties again.. Sighs, Sito, must give me something good to write, right? :p
Update 29 Jan 05
Must give Hup credit, T-shirts are fine but the loose loose kind just doesn't do you justice! And yes, you'll be invited to dinner too :)
Sito's quickstep was good from the start. Sito's waltz was getting better!
There, happy? :)
I want to say good things about Hup too. Pls don't wear shapeless T-shirts, not flattering - oops, bad. You looked very good that day in proper shirt and trousers - good :) Though I did say you looked beng - ok, bad again - but hey, you're not really beng and you're going to be your female (and some male?) students' idol - good, yeah! :p Now don't say two goods and two bads cancel out ok, cos I remember saying you very pro, wrt shopping, in a previous entry.. Heng ah, heh heh!
I should probably end on a positive note but unfortunately for our friend Sito, there's more..
He said, no less than SIX times in all, that when Na and I have our bachelorette pad, we must invite him when we throw wild house parties! He also said he's happy if it's just a quiet sit-down dinner with nice food and wine.. But only cos I asked! And then he demanded to be invited to the wild parties again.. Sighs, Sito, must give me something good to write, right? :p
Update 29 Jan 05
Must give Hup credit, T-shirts are fine but the loose loose kind just doesn't do you justice! And yes, you'll be invited to dinner too :)
Brownian motion
Suddenly remembered a dream: Some big shot Mr Yoh (huh?!) called me to say that I'm being posted to do fiscal planning (kek?!!) for some pop band (what the..?!!!) and I was very sad cos I still wished to stay on at my current post doing what I thought was far more interesting work (than fiscal planning, obviously!) and enjoying the funny (ok, sexual) banter at the pantry!
Ok, random dream :p
Share some random bites I just recall, from lunch yesterday:
Yoga: So are we going to Fork and Spoon? (that's a foodcourt btw)
FK: Fuck and spoon..?!
Yoga: ...
mf: Mmm, putting it mathematically, one is a subset of the other..
Ok, random dream :p
Share some random bites I just recall, from lunch yesterday:
Yoga: So are we going to Fork and Spoon? (that's a foodcourt btw)
FK: Fuck and spoon..?!
Yoga: ...
mf: Mmm, putting it mathematically, one is a subset of the other..
Wednesday, 26 January 2005
Starry starry night
It's difficult to focus when there are a trillion thoughts flying through my mind. Like now. Let me try to concentrate on the past couple of hours..
I'm happy. Just back from two hours of quickstep and waltz. The high from sweeping across the ballroom* is still feeding me like a drug, an addiction.
* Dancefloor la, but feels like a ballroom :)
Music Diary was on as I strolled back from the MRT station. It's been a long time. Not too sure of the story but Ling Zhi's voice was soothing, as always. I suddenly remembered the stars I saw last night on the way back. So I looked up.
Zilch. Well, almost. But no =( cos I was still feeling :)
Sky was very bright, a very pretty electric blue. I could only see a couple of very bright stars. They could be satelites - I can never tell them apart - but I happily believed they were stars, peeping down on little mf who was snaking around cos she couldn't walk straight with her eyes at the sky :p
But where was Orion? I saw Orion's Belt so clearly last night..
It was only when I reached the end of the road that I realised: I walked the same lane last night yes, but at a different time! So it must be a bit higher up.. Scanning the sky some 40degrees up..
Orion's Belt :)
Contented, I smiled, made a little turn on the streets and pranced left towards my block. And the full moon shone right into my eyes. No wonder so bright la!
Seldom see stars in SG skies cos it's usually too bright. And I'm usually rushing through the streets without so much of an upward glance. But tonight I feel light :) And I recall all the stars I saw in Oxford, on the path with the hidden sharks* leading to Jens's house. Realise I've never seen the North Dipper in SG. Hmmm..
* Maybe someday I'll come back to the scary sharks..
I'm happy. Just back from two hours of quickstep and waltz. The high from sweeping across the ballroom* is still feeding me like a drug, an addiction.
* Dancefloor la, but feels like a ballroom :)
Music Diary was on as I strolled back from the MRT station. It's been a long time. Not too sure of the story but Ling Zhi's voice was soothing, as always. I suddenly remembered the stars I saw last night on the way back. So I looked up.
Zilch. Well, almost. But no =( cos I was still feeling :)
Sky was very bright, a very pretty electric blue. I could only see a couple of very bright stars. They could be satelites - I can never tell them apart - but I happily believed they were stars, peeping down on little mf who was snaking around cos she couldn't walk straight with her eyes at the sky :p
But where was Orion? I saw Orion's Belt so clearly last night..
It was only when I reached the end of the road that I realised: I walked the same lane last night yes, but at a different time! So it must be a bit higher up.. Scanning the sky some 40degrees up..
Orion's Belt :)
Contented, I smiled, made a little turn on the streets and pranced left towards my block. And the full moon shone right into my eyes. No wonder so bright la!
Seldom see stars in SG skies cos it's usually too bright. And I'm usually rushing through the streets without so much of an upward glance. But tonight I feel light :) And I recall all the stars I saw in Oxford, on the path with the hidden sharks* leading to Jens's house. Realise I've never seen the North Dipper in SG. Hmmm..
* Maybe someday I'll come back to the scary sharks..
Tuesday, 25 January 2005
Now you see me!
Hee, successfully put up a photo of myself using newly-learnt html, happy :)
But this is not my most flattering picture - I seem to have a tummy, yikes! Must be all the beer that night..
But this is not my most flattering picture - I seem to have a tummy, yikes! Must be all the beer that night..
Dreaming of spires..
Last night I had a postcard waiting for me on the living room table.
"Oxford University Careers Service"
This morning, I filled in an online questionnaire as requested by the postcard. Then I roamed into the homepage of my alma mater.
A familiar picture greeted me and brought warmth to me in the freezing office.
Source: www.ox.ac.uk
As I ventured a little deeper into the website, I dug into the recesses of my mind.
Closing my eyes, I can see my arms moving and my legs walking along High Street, my lungs taking in the crisp air as my head falls backwards, and I see the beautiful (albeit cloudy) skies, and I'll smile at nothing in particular - maybe the skies - and think, "Man, how wonderful is this!"
At moments like that, I thank the Greater Being* for making it possible for me to be there, to immerse in the simple serenity of a peaceful connection with the intangibles on the buzzing streets filled with temptations from Harvey's to Jigsaw to Carfax Fish & Chips.
* No I'm not religious. No offense but I have enough on my hands to think about the (proof to the) existence of any supernatural greater being. The physics of the world is more powerful than any of us could ever know or even imagine. My Greater Being.. *Pause* I decide I shall not digress and talk about this now (read: maybe later in another post); let's get back to Oxford :)
I recall one day as I left office at 645pm, I felt a familiarity so strong I could only tell Kel in an sms:
"As i walk down the slope at thomson, i had this v familiar feeling, the sky and the smell of the air feels so much like when i was walking down iffley road on gym side back to my ulu flat near dusk. So i look up, breathe in and smile like i always did in oxford. Cheap thrill maybe but man, don't i love the feel!"
Erm, yes I kept the sms..
Things are different here in SG. No spires, no Sheldonian, no freaking weather. But the skies of Oxford sometimes manifest in SG, and sweet familiar smells float by once in a while. I guess I am contented by these little sights and senses whenever they appear.
But other times, I'll still miss the huge spiders in my bathroom, and mourn the big one that I smashed with a detergent bottle.
"Oxford University Careers Service"
This morning, I filled in an online questionnaire as requested by the postcard. Then I roamed into the homepage of my alma mater.
A familiar picture greeted me and brought warmth to me in the freezing office.
Source: www.ox.ac.uk
As I ventured a little deeper into the website, I dug into the recesses of my mind.
Closing my eyes, I can see my arms moving and my legs walking along High Street, my lungs taking in the crisp air as my head falls backwards, and I see the beautiful (albeit cloudy) skies, and I'll smile at nothing in particular - maybe the skies - and think, "Man, how wonderful is this!"
At moments like that, I thank the Greater Being* for making it possible for me to be there, to immerse in the simple serenity of a peaceful connection with the intangibles on the buzzing streets filled with temptations from Harvey's to Jigsaw to Carfax Fish & Chips.
* No I'm not religious. No offense but I have enough on my hands to think about the (proof to the) existence of any supernatural greater being. The physics of the world is more powerful than any of us could ever know or even imagine. My Greater Being.. *Pause* I decide I shall not digress and talk about this now (read: maybe later in another post); let's get back to Oxford :)
I recall one day as I left office at 645pm, I felt a familiarity so strong I could only tell Kel in an sms:
"As i walk down the slope at thomson, i had this v familiar feeling, the sky and the smell of the air feels so much like when i was walking down iffley road on gym side back to my ulu flat near dusk. So i look up, breathe in and smile like i always did in oxford. Cheap thrill maybe but man, don't i love the feel!"
Erm, yes I kept the sms..
Things are different here in SG. No spires, no Sheldonian, no freaking weather. But the skies of Oxford sometimes manifest in SG, and sweet familiar smells float by once in a while. I guess I am contented by these little sights and senses whenever they appear.
But other times, I'll still miss the huge spiders in my bathroom, and mourn the big one that I smashed with a detergent bottle.
Monday, 24 January 2005
Brain food
I was at Jo's place baking cookies last Fri. Actually they baked, I was utilising only eye power while chatting away. Before I continue, the cookies are lovely. I'll say they were lovely tomorrow, I think..
Right, so I was at her place, and I marvelled at her huge book shelf. Which was filled, by the way, top to bottom, no space spared. Sometimes I wish I have a huge book shelf stacked with my favourites. But no space to put, no money to buy, no time to read, bah!
But that day, I could not resist it. I have not been reading for a long time, even leisurely. For the longest time, I was telling myself to get my ass to NLB for some brain food but well, meeting friends etc always took precedence. That day, I met friends, AND borrowed three books from Jo :)
I've been reading "Da Vinci's Code" for the past couple of days, almost finishing, since I didn't go out much last weekend. But I realised something today. My eyes have been hurting. Maybe I read too late into the night over the weekend. No longer used to reading at night. I remember reading Louis Cha overnight when in JC. And many others by Jeffrey Archer, Zhang Xiao Xian, David Eddings, Orson Scott Card, Danielle Steele, Agatha Christie, and even the Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys series (those in primary school la)!
Boy, I feel like continuing with my book as I write, I think I'll leave office now.. Suddenly there's something better than blogging!
Oh but I'll be back la, I'm too long-winded already, must write :p
Right, so I was at her place, and I marvelled at her huge book shelf. Which was filled, by the way, top to bottom, no space spared. Sometimes I wish I have a huge book shelf stacked with my favourites. But no space to put, no money to buy, no time to read, bah!
But that day, I could not resist it. I have not been reading for a long time, even leisurely. For the longest time, I was telling myself to get my ass to NLB for some brain food but well, meeting friends etc always took precedence. That day, I met friends, AND borrowed three books from Jo :)
I've been reading "Da Vinci's Code" for the past couple of days, almost finishing, since I didn't go out much last weekend. But I realised something today. My eyes have been hurting. Maybe I read too late into the night over the weekend. No longer used to reading at night. I remember reading Louis Cha overnight when in JC. And many others by Jeffrey Archer, Zhang Xiao Xian, David Eddings, Orson Scott Card, Danielle Steele, Agatha Christie, and even the Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys series (those in primary school la)!
Boy, I feel like continuing with my book as I write, I think I'll leave office now.. Suddenly there's something better than blogging!
Oh but I'll be back la, I'm too long-winded already, must write :p
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