Troubled midnight

Feeling quite off now. Don't know why.

I'm sitting here in the living room at freaking 1202am on a Sat night/early Sun morning. The lights are off, keyboard illuminated only by the glare off the monitor screen, and my stomach is having one hell of a time giving me hell over my dinner of two handfuls of cashew nuts, one bowl of green vege, a fried fish fillet, a bowl of clear soup, 4/5 of a guava and a Taiwanese sausage.

I swear I was damn full even without the sausage. Stomach just likes to screw me; eat or not, it really doesn't matter at all!

But I feel off not because of my stomach. Whenever I have gastric pain, I'll go to bed asap and sleep it away, best cure. But not tonight, I don't feel like it. I'm feeling off.

My typing is very loud on a lousy keyboard. I hear silence intermittently, when I stop typing to look down on my hands which I put on my legs when I pause. I'll just stare and not see, or I'll close my eyes for a while then stare again, before eventually resuming typing.

I'm trying to sort out what is happening between my ears now. I'm confused cos I'm not the kind who can't sleep!

Something is gnawing at the inside of my head, at a spot where I can't reach to pull away the nasty pest. It's like an itch you can't scratch just that instead of being irritating, it keeps biting, biting, leaving me feeling kind of, empty..?

It's an uneasy feeling, totally unsettling. I like things simple and clear.

On the way back just now, fourth time this week that I walked that lane, I felt some sort of anger. Directed at? Don't know. Don't even know where the anger came from, so weird. I had my Ayumi album with me and I had to repeat track #2 to calm me down a bit.

At first I thought when I got back, I would come online to see if there's anyone I want to talk to about my sudden abstract feelings. But can't find a name I'll readily click for tonight.

No resolution 30min after the start of this. I'm getting really sick of whatever. Quite frustrated though but in a quiet way - I'm not screaming yet.

Decided to plug into Ayumi again and seek solace in Meh.