mf's Pandora's Box

At 751pm yesterday, I received an sms from Kel: Remember to watch xian1 lu3 qi2 yuan2 at 8!

*Smile*

Back in 1997/8, Channel 8 showed the Stephen Chow versions of Journey to the West: "A Chinese Odyyssey Part 1: Pandora's Box (Yue Guang Bao He)" and "A Chinese Odyssey Part 2: Cinderella (Xian Lv Qi Yuan)". HL, my dear Ling-meimei, came back to class after that, with a passage from Part 2. Many of us obssessed on the passage for quite a long time, including me, who didn't even watch it and who, until now, could still remember the words!

"曾经有份真诚的爱情摆在我面前
但是 我没有珍惜
等到失去的时候才后悔莫及
尘世间最痛苦的事莫过于此
如果上天可以给我一个机会再来一次的话
我会对那个女孩说我爱她
如果非要把这份爱加上一个期限
我希望是一万年"

Imagine my excitement when, some eight years on, I saw the trailers on TV that they were going to show the two movies again! For the past two Sundays, I religiously rejected all outings :) In fact, last night, I stayed over with Grams just so I could watch it comfortably and for the very first time.

The last scene impressed me, the one where Wukong walked away from the woman he loved. His expression of (almost) nonchalance betrayed a tinge of wu nai.

Sometimes, don't know if it's the superb acting or the audience's emotional participation in a movie that makes you feel the way the protagonist feels.

Anyway, Wukong's emotions in that ending scene stays with me.

While the plot appeared to make little sense, I felt that it was trying to say something along the line of "shi ming, duo bu guo"..

Well, I don't have a Pandora's Box. If I have one, do I really want to make changes to my past? Then what does that make the present me? Am I rewriting my own history? Histories are intertwined; what if I inadvertently affect other histories in the process?

If I could go back in time, I believe there'll be so much I'll want to change, so much I'll want to cherish more, and also so much I'll rather not have or not hang on to for too long. But then, when I've got rid of things I don't want and/or obtained those that I didn't use to have, just as I might not have the bad things that are plaguing me now, I guess I might not have all the good ones that I have now too. And honestly, do I really have a lot plaguing me now? Maybe not :)

So, what if, like Wukong, one day I wake up and find that I've been in a freaking long dream all this while? What if I'm actually an old woman (maybe even man?!) whose whole life flashes before my eyes just before I die?

I don't want to say goodbye in Wukong's final expression. When I wake, or when I die, I want to know that my life has been a fruitful one that I see no need to relive. It might not be da qi da luo, it needs not be too exciting, but no regrets pls.. I can't and - even if I could - likely won't go back in time to live my life all over again. What I can and will do is to make a belated NY resolution to try my mf-est to steer my life properly from this moment!

One day, when my Pandora's box opens in front of me, I'll want to see that, yes, mf's existence has been marked by proud, permanent footprints of mf and company, and not a series of what-should-have-beens..

PS: I do realise this is a weird fairy-airy post.. But resolution still counts ok!