mf in her mood

Yet another lazy Sat morning. Peaceful. An old song by Faye Wong is in the air. YQ is sleeping, MZ is working, and Mother has gone out. I feel.. free, just me and no one else around to say things I don't like to hear or bother me. And I can stay expressionless when there's no one around, rest my smile/frown muscles. Like this feeling.

Just finished watching an episode of Long Vacation. Second disk. I know I always get mixed feelings watching this show, like in that weird no man's land between happy and sad - do you call that blue? But I can't resist it. It gives me some, well, sick form of heady high.

Perhaps I'm just eccentric - first time I describe myself as such. I mean, I do say I'm weird but eccentric, the word seems to portray a deeper sense of.. weirdness, of being different.

Yes I like to think I'm different but I guess most probably I'm just about the same as everyone else?

Um, I don't know what I'm talking about anymore :p Should get back to what I want to write about in the first place!

Friend wrote that her physical conditions were very bad despite a sensible diet and wondered what was wrong with her life. I couldn't repress my airy fairy self in my comments. I gave her a little theory of mine, that I believe physical wellbeing stems from mental wellbeing.. I think she tends to become unhappy or pissed off easily. Sure, blog it off your mind but the most important thing is to get it off your mental/ emotional system.

At least it worked for me. Went through a very long and rough bad patch. When I was nine, I felt that things were hopeless and everything was gloomy and dark. Wasn't a very happy child. Then along the growing- up way, I realised that there are things which are beyond my control. Instead of trying to turn things around and be unhappy, I focused on those I can control and by the time I was 17, my personality has been shaped to close to what you see now - which is positive I hope! Think that keeping myself light and bright helped me bounce back from the turmoils of 1998-9.

Suddenly remember something from the episode of Long Vacation from just now, quite apt.. I feel that I want to want the remaining of this entry in my broken Japanese..

気持ちはいつも晴れの女になることがとても難しいと思うけど、やってみないと、できるかできないか、分からないと思いませんですかな？だから、何ことでも、ぜひやってみたほうがいいでしょうね。それから、朝のドラマは、できない時も、疲れる時も、長いお休みにしよう！無理なことをしなくて、がんばらなくてもいい。すべて自然に、よくなっります。多分でも、よくなるでしょう。ね？:)