Saturday, 4 June 2005

mf in her mood

Yet another lazy Sat morning. Peaceful. An old song by Faye Wong is in the air. YQ is sleeping, MZ is working, and Mother has gone out. I feel.. free, just me and no one else around to say things I don't like to hear or bother me. And I can stay expressionless when there's no one around, rest my smile/frown muscles. Like this feeling.

Just finished watching an episode of Long Vacation. Second disk. I know I always get mixed feelings watching this show, like in that weird no man's land between happy and sad - do you call that blue? But I can't resist it. It gives me some, well, sick form of heady high.

Perhaps I'm just eccentric - first time I describe myself as such. I mean, I do say I'm weird but eccentric, the word seems to portray a deeper sense of.. weirdness, of being different.

Yes I like to think I'm different but I guess most probably I'm just about the same as everyone else?

Um, I don't know what I'm talking about anymore :p Should get back to what I want to write about in the first place!

Friend wrote that her physical conditions were very bad despite a sensible diet and wondered what was wrong with her life. I couldn't repress my airy fairy self in my comments. I gave her a little theory of mine, that I believe physical wellbeing stems from mental wellbeing.. I think she tends to become unhappy or pissed off easily. Sure, blog it off your mind but the most important thing is to get it off your mental/ emotional system.

At least it worked for me. Went through a very long and rough bad patch. When I was nine, I felt that things were hopeless and everything was gloomy and dark. Wasn't a very happy child. Then along the growing- up way, I realised that there are things which are beyond my control. Instead of trying to turn things around and be unhappy, I focused on those I can control and by the time I was 17, my personality has been shaped to close to what you see now - which is positive I hope! Think that keeping myself light and bright helped me bounce back from the turmoils of 1998-9.

Suddenly remember something from the episode of Long Vacation from just now, quite apt.. I feel that I want to want the remaining of this entry in my broken Japanese..


1 comment:

  1. Sama sama... but you are luckier.. I haven recover.. I dunno what's wrong with me.. lol...



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