My doll

Barbie dolls were all the rage when I was a kid. All the girls watched the adverts on TV and everyone wanted one to play with. The luck ones got them all; the not-so-lucky ones got at least one, with a change of clothes of course; the unlucky ones didn't get at all.

I could be classified between the not-so-lucky and the unlucky: I had a pseudo Barbie.

It was at a shopping mall with some relatives. The shelves of Barbies were beckoning but the adults were saying they were too ex - think the prices were $40 and up. Then someone took this doll in a yellow gown, much cheaper at $15 or $30. Someone relented. Someone paid for it.

I opened the box when we got back and realised it wasn't a Barbie doll at all. The face looked different, and with my limited English ability, I knew the box didn't say it was Barbie. I had some old Barbie clothes and shoes handed down from some relatives or their friends, and they didn't fit my doll. I understood then that she was the best I could have so I made do with it anyway, and asked my grandmother to make clothes that would fit her. But I recall feeling ashamed bringing it to friends' place to play cos they said it wasn't a Barbie; I felt marginalised.

Still, I called her Barbie and had fun with her on my own, trying to stitch pieces of cloth together into new clothes for her. And forcing her big feet into the dainty Barbie shoes I inherited from somewhere. She had horrible hair like me so I trimmed it once. Etc..

Then I grew up. And she became a distant memory.. Until late Dec last year when Mother dug her out from the storeroom..





She felt so fragile in the same but bigger pair of hands. Her gown was still soft though a bit torn - think I tore it accidentally many years back. Her face was still pretty as I knew it but also looking weary.

I decided that it was time to part with her. Took a few quick photos and left the bag with Mother before the impulse to pick her up again could overcome me. Feeling a bit sad that she had come to such an ending..



I'm thinking of SHE's song Bu Xiang Zhang Da now..

Recently, after procrastinating for months, I also dumped my worn Nikes of four years, the dark silver pair with the magnetic flaps over the laces, dated winter 2001/2-Jan 2006..

Well, I learn. I learn that there has to be a physical end to everything. I've said goodbye to many things and many people, especially in the recent 3-4 years. But I know I'll remember; memories may be pushed to the furthest corner, but they never die.