Bitter mf?

This place is crap. My Juicy shirt was spoilt after only the first HAND wash. Both my socks were lost after I put them at the laundry basket. I need a washing machine so I can wash my own clothes and ensure their safety. I'm contemplating allocating a bit of my new room for my own washing machine, cos Mother simply refused to trade the current one for a new one even though I offered to pay.

And the bitch is completely mental. I was asking if she took my socks by mistake cos she had a pair where I put mine. She had to shout in reply! I know, it must be because I interrupted her watching her beloved Korean drama! I hope her eyes pop out of their ugly sockets.

How to be happy here? No wonder I want out. NOW!

To think that just a couple of hours before, I was having happy thoughts of the pig cushions that Mother made when we were very young, pigs with black beads for eyes and triangular bits of cloth for ears, complete with a wiggly tail.

I just showed Mother a lovely dress I bought on the way back, I thought I could dance in it. But she just said I had only been wasting money on dancing, not earning money or gaining anything from it.

There has always been this constant lack of familial support since young - except where it concerned my studies. Even ECAs, it was a waste of money to buy my Girl Guide uniform. And no, I shouldn't join the choir even though I loved to sing. Netball teacher thought I could play netball with my height, but "go to school study, play what ball?" Or why am I organising outings for my class, why so kaypoh? And when I first started work, "what kind of lan sai work you do, come back so late?"

Why can't she be more supportive??!

Recalling my chat with friend about the decision to have kids, I have to add that unless the couple can be a responsible father the kids can respect, a supportive mother the kids can rely on, and provide a family and home for rest and peace, then pls don't have kids.

Looking back, there was a period of my schooling life when I really envied friends with a decent family and home. Doing better than them in school became some sort of a cheap "consolation". Just glad that I've since ceased to need to top exams to feel less worse off; there are better things to do than mugging text, and I've learnt that doing well in school is not everything.

So it's an affirmative to subject line. I thought a lot of unhappiness could have been avoided. But then everything could be perfect with hindsight.

I know it's impossible for me to shake off these unhappy memories but I've decided that it's ok; it helps me become stronger by reminding me of potential mistakes and pitfalls I could avoid so that when I make mistakes, as I'm sure I will, I do not make those that have already been made.