Wednesday, 9 March 2011

What is normal?

T brought me soup again, fish soup which I’ll have for dinner tonight, and she commented that I looked better than last week. Indeed, my store of iron is being replenished and it showed on my face, and more importantly I’m feeling ok.

Emotionally, it’s amazing how fast it took for me to feel normal again, with Baby* gone. Since last Friday, I’m able to talk about Baby without getting teary or sobbing. Grief has given way to acceptance, I think.

* I asked Sito if we should give baby a name, and he said “Baby?”

Baby did strange things to me, things which remain even though it is now gone. Physically, I had an incredible urge to hit the gym yesterday, a habit that started with Baby. Gastronomically, my appetite for sweet things has not yet returned; I’m no longer repulsed by chocolate but I’m certainly not clearing out my Halloween stock any time soon.

Other things are back to pre-pregnancy normalcy. Hormonally, this “normalcy” is pretty dismal because zits big and small are back to colonise specific areas of my face. Allergically (new word, only in mf’s dictionary), I just realised last night that I stopped having a stuffy nose in bed.

The only odd thing is that somehow I’ve been eating too much. Way too much. The other day, I kept going at a huge tub of ice cream while watching stuff online, and didn’t notice Sito’s constant jabbing at me to stop until I had gone through a terrifying amount of ice cream. At least that was one-off..

Bought some bread on Sunday, and I’ve been drowning it in peanut butter for mid morning and/or mid afternoon tea EVERY DAY. I mean, I love carbs, especially bread and rice – seriously, I don’t think you can find another girl who loves carbs this much in this carb-conscious and flab-fearing world! But it isn’t healthy with that much peanut butter and when I’ve already satisfied my carb craving with oatmeal porridge for breakfast and pasta or rice for lunch and dinner!

I hope it’s just a phase that goes away once the bread is depleted. Won’t be buying any for a while! Like Sito said, it’s overall better to just have peanut butter off the spoon than to have it on top of bread if I don’t want to overeat!

I have an urge to head for the gym again. I really like this – haven’t felt this way since I went to Amore when I just started working and wasn’t too busy. When my abdominal muscles feel better, I’ll return to pilates. A healthier body makes a healthier home for the next baby!

...

Actually, I think I’m not answering my title question: What’s normal?

I was thinking of what the word meant: the usual, the standard, the common. So pregnancy is actually not “normal” since we don’t spend the majority of our life being in that state. Although being pregnancy isn’t exactly not normal – in fact, it’s quite a normal thing for those of childbearing age!

In other context, “normal” may not be normal. I’m thinking particularly of our secondary school system, with its various streams ranging from gifted, special, express and normal. I never understood the first two but aren’t most people in the express stream? How then is the normal stream normal?

What is normal??

At times like this, I look within for an answer..

miso: Not abnormal..
mf: What is abnormal?
miso: Not normal!

... and try not to strangle my imaginary twin!

This brain is certainly not meant for much thinking...

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