Friday, 4 March 2005

mf in a trance, sort of

Lately, I find myself shuttling between two worlds: the real and the 4D.

Clarification: D for Dimensional, not Digits.

And I'm spending more and more time in the latter. I prefer that to reality.

But there's no food in my preferred space. Then I'll die and there'll be no mf's 4D world to speak of! *Gasp* So still need to come out to the real world to work and feed my physical shell so that I can indulge my mind.. Sighs..

Well, you know what I do in the real world - just like everyone else. Let me offer you a glimpse into the other world.

Here, there's no concept of time. Day or night, it looks the same inside. What do I do? I'm not too sure! It feels good just to be absorbed in its atmosphere and everything bad outside gives way to serenity. At peace, I'll toss over things that the real world doesn't allow time for. Give you samples:

1) Why do people kill? What's the point in fighting? I don't understand wars. I don't understand terrorism. This thought has been rotting in my brain cells for the past five years but I just find it so hard to articulate..

2) Read this about 3000 years ago, can no longer remember exactly when: there's no love without lust, and the converse is false. You might find this in my other blog, when I have time :p And on a related note, Kel just reminded me that virginity does not equate chastity, interesting.. Oh, about Kel, pls allow me to compliment (from mf! Wow!) that conversations with you have always been most enlightening without being overly chim for my wee brain :)

3) From young, you hear that "blood is thicker than water". Scientifically true but who says I must be close to my siblings? Or my parents for that matter? Then when you say you severe all ties, do you really mean it?

4) How would my life be if I just tweak one single variable, say, at the age of ten? How about exams years of 16 and 18? More variables? If I didn't go to Oxford? Where would this lead me?

5) If there's a next life, I have already decided that I'll be a girl again or a cat, if I can choose. Then Siok asked me one day, what would be the colour of mf the cat? Hmmm..

and etc..

A lot of these are actually things from the real world as you can tell. Call it info leaks. But info sips through the other way too, perhaps unknowingly.. Maybe one day, I'll put these thoughts into words. More words. But for now, I'm feeling so damn restless now.

Actually I find that I like telling the world what I'm thinking or what I want to think of instead of describing in minute details my exact thoughts about these things. I'm not that good at translating neuron actions into something intelligible la hur.. *Trying to redeem myself for my nonsensical entries*

Suddenly remember I need to sort myself out and I haven't done so yet. I'll try to do so from tomorrow, when I go to Bintan for a shirt R&R with Yan.


  1. i think a lot about points 1, 3 and 4 too, amongst many others floating in my head. someday we'll get the chance to exchange some ideas and maybe gain new perspectives on these age-old questions :) - zain

  2. Random Lament:

    Watching the rain reminded of your piece on the rain. Is it true that when you love someone (be it fren or that special one) you have to learn to let go? To wish him/her happiness even when you are hurting inside and tell yourself it's time to move on... And when you see your fren in denial or times of conflict, do you step in or let them sort it out for themselves? It's strange how friendships and relationships change almost instantaneously, evolving till you dun even recognize it sometime...

    Peace... =)


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